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What does it mean when she asks for a time out????

giants101008

By giants101008
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giants101008 New Member

giants101008

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About a year and a half ago I met a women and we really hit it off. We were dating for a few weeks and then she just up and left me. I really thought we had a connection but I figured there was no talking her out if it and I let her go. One night while in a bar I ran into her and again we hit it off. We have been dating ever since and things have been great. Then about two weeks ago I noticed that she distanced herself from me. She is a very busy women so I didn't say anything at first but then a few nights ago after not seeing her for two weeks and barely talking to her I wanted to see what was up. I tried to talk to her and convey my feelings but she got extremely defensive and basically told me that I was crazy and all of this was in my head. I let it go and chalked it up as she was just busy but what to me should have been a simple conversation turned into a pretty intense fight. Today she text me and told me that she wants to take a step back. That she was upset about what happened and she needs a "time out". During the time of getting to know her I have become very close to her and her kids so I asked if I could still be apart of there lives. She responded and told me that she just needed time to think and sort her feelings out. I have really put everything I have into this and the thought of leaving myself out in the open for an extended period of time really scares me. What do you think she means and does anyone think that we could ever come back from this?

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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*I have really put everything I have into this and the thought of *leaving myself out in the open for an extended period of time really scares me. What do you think she means and does anyone think that we could ever come back from this?

 

Welcome to Loveshack.

 

When you say, "leaving myself out in the open," what exactly do you mean?

 

*When you say that scares you, what exactly do you mean?

 

 

Take care.

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giants101008 New Member

giants101008

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I've been hurt a lot in the past and I don't let many people in. I let her in but after this I don't know if I should just move on or stay where I'm at and let her decide our eventual fate.

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sagamore Established Member

sagamore

Posted
Posted
About a year and a half ago I met a women and we really hit it off. We were dating for a few weeks and then she just up and left me. I really thought we had a connection but I figured there was no talking her out if it and I let her go. One night while in a bar I ran into her and again we hit it off. We have been dating ever since and things have been great. Then about two weeks ago I noticed that she distanced herself from me. She is a very busy women so I didn't say anything at first but then a few nights ago after not seeing her for two weeks and barely talking to her I wanted to see what was up. I tried to talk to her and convey my feelings but she got extremely defensive and basically told me that I was crazy and all of this was in my head. I let it go and chalked it up as she was just busy but what to me should have been a simple conversation turned into a pretty intense fight. Today she text me and told me that she wants to take a step back. That she was upset about what happened and she needs a "time out". During the time of getting to know her I have become very close to her and her kids so I asked if I could still be apart of there lives. She responded and told me that she just needed time to think and sort her feelings out. I have really put everything I have into this and the thought of leaving myself out in the open for an extended period of time really scares me. What do you think she means and does anyone think that we could ever come back from this?

 

It means she's about to "up and leave" you twice. Not sure whether it's another man or she's a commitment-phobe but either way it's not good. Sorry - you should move on.

 

Also, it's not cool to stay in her kids' lives if their mother doesn't want to be with you. They probably have enough instability as it is. Sucks for you since you had a bond with them, but I think you should bow out.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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It means she's about to "up and leave" you twice. Not sure whether it's another man or she's a commitment-phobe but either way it's not good. Sorry - you should move on.

 

Also, it's not cool to stay in her kids' lives if their mother doesn't want to be with you. They probably have enough instability as it is. Sucks for you since you had a bond with them, but I think you should bow out.

 

My guess is a commitment-phobe, that's what it sounds like to me, or she likes you but wants to keep you at a healthy distance because she's still out "looking around" basically.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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I've been hurt a lot in the past and I don't let many people in. I let her in but after this I don't know if I should just move on or stay where I'm at and let her decide our eventual fate.

 

"She responded and told me that she just needed time to think and sort her feelings out."

 

Give her that time.

 

If you don't, it will result in her pushing you further away.

 

Go radio silent for a while.

 

Do your own thinking while she does hers.

 

Then hope for the best.

 

 

Take care.

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giants101008 New Member

giants101008

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I'm going to respect her wishes and give her the time...I guess I'm just really concerned. I don't know what to think I basically just wanted to see what everyone else thought. Every part of me wants to see where this goes but there is a part of me that is telling myself that we have been here before and to back off and get ready for the worst. As far as the kids go it's a tough situation for me. I come from a situation very similar to theirs and I got very close to them and I feel like I would be abandoning them. We never showed the kids that we were together or showed any affection in front of them at all.

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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Euphamisms like, "time out," "need a break", "need time to think" etc etc almost always means there is someone else that they want to take for a test drive and have you waiting on stand-by in case things don't work with the OM.

 

However considering she has kids that you are wanting to be involved with, it could go a little deeper than that. She may like you to a certain degree and enjoys hanging out with you, but may not see you as stepfather material and may not want to go that extra step of having you in the kid's lives.

 

In other words, you may be ok for some fun and for some Saturday dates, but she may not see you as true husband and stepfather material.

 

I personally do not really believe in "commitment phobes." I see them as more of a mythological creature that people talk about, but don't really exist in nature.

 

I don't think very many people are truly scared of commitment at all, they just don't want to go there with the person they are with at that particular time.

 

I think people find it comforting to say that someone else is a commitment phobe that is afraid of commitment, rather than saying that they simply do not want any heavy relationship or commitment with them.

 

My advice is to give her her time and space while you also keep your options open and remain on the open dating market.

 

Do not sit on the shelf waiting for her to make up her mind, otherwise you may find yourself waiting forever.

 

If she shows back up on your doorstep down the road, you can evaluate the pros and cons of that at that time.

 

But for now consider this a 'thanks-but-no-thanks' and keep your options open and put yourself back on the market and do not wait for her to make up her mind.

 

If she wants to sit and meditate on a mountaintop, that is her business. But let yourself be sitting in the warehouse on reserve while she tries to determine your future. Go out and make things happen for yourself.

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giants101008 New Member

giants101008

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I don't really think that she has someone else in the picture. I mean it's a possibility of course but given her past I don't think that's the reason.

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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Friend just move on and find another woman. all your doing is setting yourself up for another door slamming in your face.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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I don't really think that she has someone else in the picture. I mean it's a possibility of course but given her past I don't think that's the reason.

 

I don't think she has someone else either, but what I do think is she's keeping you for a "just in case" she doesn't find better. Either way, I think she's wasting your time. Guys that I'm really into, I don't tell them I need a break or need time, I've only done that to guys that I wasn't all that into but was keeping them around just in case I got lonely, which is what it sounds like she's doing to you. I think you should cut your losses...

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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I tried to talk to her and convey my feelings but she got extremely defensive and basically told me that I was crazy and all of this was in my head.

 

You left a big chunk of info out here - what did actually you say to her?

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Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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About a year and a half ago I met a women and we really hit it off. We were dating for a few weeks and then she just up and left me.

 

One night while in a bar I ran into her and again we hit it off. We have been dating ever since and things have been great. Then about two weeks ago I noticed that she distanced herself from me.

 

Told me that I was crazy and all of this was in my head. I let it go and chalked it up as she was just busy but what to me should have been a simple conversation turned into a pretty intense fight. Today she text me and told me that she wants to take a step back.

 

This is classic emotional manipulation. Gas lighting whatever you want to call it. But it's not healthy....Let this one go. This merry-go-round will be the story of your life otherwise. :laugh:

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

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As far as the kids go it's a tough situation for me. I come from a situation very similar to theirs and I got very close to them and I feel like I would be abandoning them. We never showed the kids that we were together or showed any affection in front of them at all.

Stop using her kids as an excuse to keep clinging to her.

 

You never lived together, you weren't married, so at best, her kids see you as a 'buddy' who comes over a couple times a week and has gone to the beach or the zoo with them, etc. It's not like you were married and raised them for 10 years, so stop adding a completely unnecessary layer of drama to the situation and claiming you feel like you're 'abandoning' her kids. Asking if you could still see them even if you two break up was just creepy and pathetic.

 

She already SHOWED you who she was the first time you dated her 1 1/2 years ago when she couldn't even respect you enough to tell you it wasn't working for her and instead just disappeared into thin air. She's been doing a slow fade on you for the last two weeks hoping you'd just kind of disappear and when you didn't and called her on it instead, she called YOU crazy. And since you won't just disappear quietly this time, she gave you the old "I need space" routine to keep you at arm's length.

 

And the worst thing you can do is act all weak and needy like you've been doing. There's NO dignity in that at all.

 

Accept that she's once again shown you who she really IS and move on.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Whether or not there is someone else in the picture is not really the problem. It means that she has emotionally checked out of the relationship and she's done with you. Get ready for her to end this or she'll ghost or she'll act bitchy enough for you to end it.

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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Let's break this down into really simple terms.

 

People that are invested in the relationship and want it to continue to flourish and develop do not take breaks, they do not need time to think and they do not drop off the radar.

 

All those things mean they aren't that into and aren't into the relationship.

 

They may keep you around on a shelf somewhere or tucked away in a box in the attic in case they get bored or lonely or horny sometime and take you out to play with you for a night or so now and then, but they aren't invested in you or the relationship.

 

This gal may be ok for an occasional booty call now and then and she may call you out of the blue now and then when she bored or lonely or needs her ego stroked, but she is not seeing a future with you as a serious LTR.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Whether or not there is someone else in the picture is not really the problem. It means that she has emotionally checked out of the relationship and she's done with you. Get ready for her to end this or she'll ghost or she'll act bitchy enough for you to end it.

 

Yeah, that two weeks of not seeing her and barely talking was her attempt to at least, fade and more likely ghost. Who initiated the contact during those two weeks? If it was you, you just kinda stalled, pre-empted the process. And, yes, if you hound her, she will do something to "sabotage" it so that YOU end it yourself. Basically, letting you do the dirty work . . .

 

Don't reach out to her again. I'd go no contact if I were you. Don't respond to her if she reaches out -- even if you think she might want to try again. She's done this twice now. Dating is not baseball . . . in your case, it's two strikes You'rrrrre OUT!

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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Let's be honest, for any good time you had, for any little clue she gave you that she was interested, for any time she indicated she valued you in a relationship, she has given you two very clear and pointed statements that she is not interested when it is all said and done.

 

 

If you had a boss that gave you occasional compliments on your job but one day fired you and gave you the reason that you were incompetent and sub-par in the exit interview, would you be hanging around and thinking he might change his mind and hire you back? Even if he did would you want to go back?

 

 

She has twice told you she has little interest with her actions. When you called her on it, she turned it around to be your issue so it was an easy out for her. She knew she was crapping on you and may have felt some guilt stringing you along but she found an opportunity to ease her guilt by passing her faults on to be your issue and not hers.

 

 

You already know it is not going to get any better. You say there is likely not someone else in the picture but that would just means that she is choosing nobody over you. In her mind: Nobody > You.

 

 

Move on. No reason to keep a relationship with her kids unless you want to take them to the zoo sometime to help out Mommy when she goes on a date and gets banged by some other guy.

Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

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Whether or not there is someone else in the picture is not really the problem. It means that she has emotionally checked out of the relationship and she's done with you. Get ready for her to end this or she'll ghost or she'll act bitchy enough for you to end it.

 

I agree with this. She didn't have the balls to end it yet, that's why she called it a time out. She probably also feels guilty that she wants to end it again

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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What does it mean when she asks for a time out????

 

 

It usually means you won't have to buy tickets to Maury Povich in a few years.

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giants101008 New Member

giants101008

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Thanks everyone for the advise. I had a night to think about it and I honestly believe that there is nothing good that can come from this. It will never go up from this point. I'm not looking for drama and I know it's weird for me to be in the kids lives. I guess they just got to me but I know it's not a possibility. As soon as she asked for a "time out" I distanced myself completely. I haven't spoken to her or text her at all and I really don't plan too at this point. You guys are right... I gave her two chances and twice she did the exact same thing to me and I don't need that kind of crap in my life. I do think at this point that she distanced herself because she wanted to end things but did not have the courage too.

LadySunshine New Member

LadySunshine

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I can understand how this must be scary. It is hard when you have grown attached to someone and are not communicating what is happening inside of them. Sometimes to know the worst is better than not knowing at all. I cannot tell you whether or not you will be able to get back from this. It does seem that she may be doubting her relationship with you. What I do know from personal experience is that once doubt is planted in one partner’s mind, it may be quiet for a while but it mostly does not go away. This is so hard when it is someone that you truly love. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. Especially since you have been investing so much in this relationship. Will be praying for you

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