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Its been a year and I feel like Im being punished all over again

serate

By serate
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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serate Member

serate

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Last time I was here, my gf left me for her ex after we broke up. I was devastated but I decided to move on. I ticked 1 mark each and every day that I did not contact her and eventually I stopped. There wasnt a day that I didnt think about her or stopped caring. I just hid it away and still have some nights where I cry myself to sleep missing her.

 

I stayed away from her and went NC for a year. Not a single peep from me or her. I did not check her instagram or anything that reminded me of her. Avoided all the places we went and gave up all the shows we watched together. I was healing and burying her memories in the back of my mind.

 

The problem now is that she is in my class and I havent talked to her for the first 3 weeks. Its like all my feelings for her have came back and I hate this feeling.

 

I hung out with a friend last week and he caught me up on the details. I just assumed that she was happy with her ex this whole time. Turned out they barely last 3 months together (so he was the rebound?). He told me that she goes clubbing and bars every weekend and probably sleeping with random guys now. Part of me still cares but its not my business. He showed me her instagram and they are mostly pictures of her clubbing and drinking but there is still a couple pictures of our memories together. Im surprised that she left them up after all this time and it probably doesnt mean anything now but it was really significant when we were together.

 

I still want her back. Should I talk to her and get on speaking terms again?

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aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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My question is why haven't you been out dating, hooking up and looking for your next great love vs. pining for her for the last year? People really never get over their last R/S until that get into a new one that really works for them.

 

No, you shouldn't break contact and try and recycle a failed R/S. I think your self confidence and self respect would be improved if you got out there and enjoyed your youth like your ex is doing.

 

Also, you don't see her burning up your phone even though she's single. That clearly states she considers you her past and wants you to stay there.

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serate Member

serate

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Im not ready to date. I dont want to use anyone as a rebound as she did to me. I rather cope with my pain and get over it myself then to hurt another human being in the process. I dont want to cause anyone pain.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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*Im not ready to date. I dont want to use anyone as a rebound as she did to me. I rather cope with my pain and get over it myself then to hurt another human being in the process. I dont want to cause anyone pain.

 

*I'm glad you said that, and glad you didn't do it.

 

It obviously wouldn't suit you.

 

Out of 100%, how far do you think you've gone in healing from this breakup?

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serate Member

serate

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*I'm glad you said that, and glad you didn't do it.

 

Out of 100%, how far do you think you've gone in healing from this breakup?

 

I think I was around 80% healed. Now its down to 60%?! My feelings are back for her but at the same time I know shes not the same person.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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I think I was around 80% healed. Now its down to 60%?! My feelings are back for her but at the same time I know shes not the same person.

 

Even 60% is good going.

 

80% is very good going.

 

It took me just under 2 years to get over my one and only heartbreaking breakup.

 

I'm now happier than I ever was when I was with that person.

 

It actually doesn't matter how long it takes.

 

What matters is you completing your healing.

 

 

Take care.

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serate Member

serate

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Even 60% is good going.

 

80% is very good going.

 

It took me just under 2 years to get over my one and only heartbreaking breakup.

 

I'm now happier than I ever was when I was with that person.

 

It actually doesn't matter how long it takes.

 

What matters is you completing your healing.

 

 

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you! It makes me happy that you are over the heartbreak. I will get there one day but right now its just a set back. Just curious, did she ever reach out to you?

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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Thank you! It makes me happy that you are over the heartbreak. I will get there one day but right now its just a set back. Just curious, did *she ever reach out to you?

 

*He.

 

No, because I moved away, and started a new life in a different country.

 

I wanted a radical break with the past.

 

It was a leap in the dark really, but it worked out very well for me.

 

 

Take care.

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aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Im not ready to date. I dont want to use anyone as a rebound as she did to me..

 

Listen, understand that EVERYONE who's an adult and out dating is usually at some stage of getting over their last R/S. Some are further down the road than others. I wasn't 100% over my ex when I started dating again but was clear when on dates or dating again that I wasn't looking to jump into a R/S. I had a lot of dates the first few months of being single again. I then met my now fiance who was also getting over her last R/S. We dated casually for a couple of months before we both realized we really had a great connection. 3 years later, we're engaged.

 

I'd of never met her nor gotten over my last ex had I chose to stay home and "heal" for such an extended period of time.

 

I rather cope with my pain and get over it myself then to hurt another human being in the process. I dont want to cause anyone pain.

 

Ultimately, everyone needs to do what's best for them in deciding when they're ready to date again. Just understand everyone risks being a rebound or being dumped again or... or.. it just comes w/the territory of dating.

 

I'm curious, how long did you date her?

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serate Member

serate

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Posted (edited)
Listen, understand that EVERYONE who's an adult and out dating is usually at some stage of getting over their last R/S. Some are further down the road than others. I wasn't 100% over my ex when I started dating again but was clear when on dates or dating again that I wasn't looking to jump into a R/S. I had a lot of dates the first few months of being single again. I then met my now fiance who was also getting over her last R/S. We dated casually for a couple of months before we both realized we really had a great connection. 3 years later, we're engaged.

 

I'd of never met her nor gotten over my last ex had I chose to stay home and "heal" for such an extended period of time.

 

 

 

Ultimately, everyone needs to do what's best for them in deciding when they're ready to date again. Just understand everyone risks being a rebound or being dumped again or... or.. it just comes w/the territory of dating.

 

I'm curious, how long did you date her?

 

A year and a half. What makes you think im staying home? I go out with friends from time to time, work out in the gym 6 times a week, and volunteer. Im coping my own way. You are doing what is good for you. I am in no way ready to date. I have too much baggage atm

Edited by serate
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Satu Established Member

Satu

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"Let each be true to their own nature."

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