Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 long story short, im 19, he's 34 and he doesnt seem his age at all...i dont mind our 15 yr difference neither does he...so we are talking on the phone last night and jus something he said made me ask how many sexual partners... he goes a few, and im like whats a few 10? no a feeeeeeeew..so im like oh a few where u cant be honest to tell me the answer huh...so he sighs, and tries to justify his answer with a i went to a all girl school mostly (two dudes in the whole school) and in his class was 496 girls and he said by his sr. yr he slept with ALL of them.. that was the look i had on the other end of the phone, tried to play it cool, but the more and more we talk, the less and less i like him... i know and dont expect folks to be virgins when we meet, but damn over 500 girls..and that was jus Highschool...not to mention what he did from 18 up to 34.. been married 3 times, has five kids,etc... ill admit that hes a wonderful wonderful man, and he treats me like tha greatest thing since cable tv...and i like him alot, but geesh, so much baggage that i cant get out of my head.....im tryin, but whoa that was a convo killer slash relationship rumbler.. i dont even know what im trying ask here..so bear with me folks...how much baggage is too much baggage when getting into a relationship? how many sexual partners can you hold ya head up high to and be like oh ok thats nice? oh goodness my brain is all frumbled, somebody say some words of advice to me here
Author Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 maybe im a prude...i think the most i can deal with for any excess baggage is like 3 kids max, 20 sex partners max....500 is not a few, thats like what, the whole nfl of players and sum nba
morrigan Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 not to mention what he did from 18 up to 34.. been married 3 times, has five kids,etc.. That is more troubling than the sexual tally he told you. Everyone has their own opinion of what's acceptable to them sexually or relationship wise, but it's going to be hard for you to be comfortable with a person for who they are, if some aspects of their life really disturb you. You sound like you already have red flags about this guy. If you feel this uncomfortable about his past, you probably shouldn't date him.
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 To be honest, I think thats a crock of s***. Just because there were 2 guys in the entire school, what would make every single girl sleep with him? Sounds to me like someone is in his older years and trying to sound good for a younger woman, some guys dont see that its not just about experience, its about how many people you have experienced. And I agree with Morrigan, You do seem to already have some flags raised about this guy.. Read this post but read it as if you didnt post it, and you were just anyone else on here, and someone had made a post about your situation. What advice would you give them?
Author Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 the marriages and the kids dont bother me at all...i love kids and dont really wanna have any of my own so i mean his kids i could love as my own,.and i know folks get married and divorced all the time, so i can accept that too, but the 500 jus got me thinkin "Indy"... and yea ur right about the hard to accept a person for who they are if somethings in his past disturbs me.. im trying, its the "adult" thing to do, plus judge not, lest u be judged...so ill let down a few bricks on my wall i was gonna build up.. i will take one for the team.. ok so my knight and shining armour came up to me with a three legged horse, and some of his steel missing, he's a good guy, and i should'nt be so judgemental on how he "once was" or things he did back then that he isnt doing now...
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Ok, well since you are choosing not to go with your "right choice button" this morning, then all I can say is be careful.
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 it just sounds like to me that you are trying to push it into something that YOU are not really sure about. Dont make yourself see all these good things about him and the situation. Go with what your heart is feeling and saying, not with what you think might make you happy. The heart never lies.
Author Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl To be honest, I think thats a crock of s***. Just because there were 2 guys in the entire school, what would make every single girl sleep with him? Sounds to me like someone is in his older years and trying to sound good for a younger woman, some guys dont see that its not just about experience, its about how many people you have experienced. And I agree with Morrigan, You do seem to already have some flags raised about this guy.. Read this post but read it as if you didnt post it, and you were just anyone else on here, and someone had made a post about your situation. What advice would you give them? amen to that^^^...yea does sound likes he's tryna sound good for a young woman..i always get the guys that when we get to the I like you and you like me part they always try to get me with that jealousy test.. " oooh i went out riding my motorcycle today, and this chick thought i was cute and asked if she could get my number, and she give me hers, blah blah"... so i play my cards right, and say to them," oh word, you wanna get off the phone with me so you can call her now,thats rude to take somebody number and not call"... maybe he told me he did that so i would think he had game, and that he was all tha experienced,etc...i did as you said lvgrl and looked at the post as if it was someone else and gave myself advice..i just had to see it in typing/writing to tell my head what to do next..
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Good. And even if that is the case, that he just told you that to get a rise out of you...Forget that crap, thats called a liar, hmm... You got yourself a winner there hun.
Craig Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Talk to his ex-wives, I'm sure they'll have a lot to say about Mr. Redflag.
Author Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl Ok, well since you are choosing not to go with your "right choice button" this morning, then all I can say is be careful. right choice button? which would be leave dude alone because of "mistakes" he had in the past (if thats what they are to be called)...so are you saying that even though he has his five kids, 3 marriages, and whole HS he slept with, that he doesnt deserve to be happy and have a womans love? women always sayin a good man is hard to find in this world, and now i see why that is true.. because they get blindsided by " the right choice button"...good men come in boxes that have lots of wrapping paper..aka some have baggage, some are just on a squeaky spotless slate.. ok so dude might lie to get a rise out of me with the whole hs thing, or he maybe telling the truth..cant fault somebody for doing something or being with somebody way before they met you right? so them having a life waaaaaaaaaaaay before i come into the picture is a redflag? a wrong choice button? a reason for me not to accept and like him? not being confrontational at the least..just curious as to this right choice jazz... yea craig i actually do plan on doing that later on down the line, im always inquisitive to know why folks break up...
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Yeah, thats a great way to loose him..Go track down the ex's... Um no. Figure it out on your own, do what YOU feel is best.
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Nope, Im not saying to not be with him because of that, If I said that then I would be going against anything and everything I have ever said.. Im just saying you should do what you feel is right, and if you wanting to be with someone who has had 500+ partners, 5 kids and 3 ex wifes (reminds me of the 12 days of christmas song) then do so, but if you are having these concerns this early on, what else do you think could happen? You being young and him being older is a red flag enough for me, not because of the age difference, but because of the experience level. You are young, you need to focus more on that and not let someone take away the best years of your life that you can never get back.. That is what I would do anyway.
elijahBailey Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by Syncerity ...so he sighs, and tries to justify his answer with a i went to a all girl school mostly (two dudes in the whole school) and in his class was 496 girls and he said by his sr. yr he slept with ALL of them.. huh? .... and you believed that?
DacaInaru Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 can I just give you a bit of advice.. get an STD test before you hit the sack with him.. remember aids is still a rampant disease not to mention all the other sexually transmitted diseases out there.. in terms of what he did in his past.. well.. I believe that people can change.. i'm dating a 57 year old who 19 years ago.. was a homeless acholohic crack head for a lack of better words.. he's active in AA and has done a complete turn around and changed his life for the better I can't hold his past against him.. people change.. good luck..
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Oh and as far as the right choice button, that is when you know that something should go one way, but you choose a different path in hopes that it all turns out great. And no, that has nothing to do with why good men are hard to find. Finding a good man is hard, not because I judge them and just get picky, but because I am not willing to lower my standards or anyone, or settle for less then I deserve. No one should. And can you see yourself with this guy forever? Knowing about his past and and his kids and such, thats being brought into a world that you might not be ready for.. I would just think about everything as a whole before jumping in head first.
Author Syncerity Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl Nope, Im not saying to not be with him because of that, If I said that then I would be going against anything and everything I have ever said.. Im just saying you should do what you feel is right, and if you wanting to be with someone who has had 500+ partners, 5 kids and 3 ex wifes (reminds me of the 12 days of christmas song) then do so, but if you are having these concerns this early on, what else do you think could happen? You being young and him being older is a red flag enough for me, not because of the age difference, but because of the experience level. You are young, you need to focus more on that and not let someone take away the best years of your life that you can never get back.. That is what I would do anyway. ^^spoken well, very much indeed have a point...understood at this end..so now i do know what i have to do, IF indeed he is the good man like i think, then he'll have no probs with waiting til i am older, more worldly experienced,etc...cant hurt at being friends right
morrigan Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 ok so dude might lie to get a rise out of me with the whole hs thing, or he maybe telling the truth..cant fault somebody for doing something or being with somebody way before they met you right? Everybody has done things that they either enjoyed immensely or really regret. His 'high school Casanova' days might be an total joke, or some parts of it may be true. Imo, that's not the red flag--the three marriages within that space of time could indicate that he's hasty and doesn't make good long term decisions. Is he a responsible father to his children, and put their needs first? If you think he's a fun guy and his past doesn't bother you, then keep dating him. Just take a looong time to get to know him and don't rush into anything more serious. It's up to you to decide what you want. Good luck!
FolderWife Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Are you sure that he was serious? Maybe he was just punishing you for being nosey. How can a guy sleep with EVERY girl in a school!? Surely there were some little christian virgin girls that wouldn't put out. And if my best friend slept with a guy, it would be hard for me to turn around and sleep with him too. Have you slept with him yet? P.S. I don't care how young he seems...you're 19, you do NOT need to be saddled with a guy who has THREE EX WIVES *unless a couple of them died tragically or something* and FIVE KIDS!?!? no no no no no...find someone your own age.
FolderWife Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 And another thing...how long was he married to these THREE women? He's 34!!! Apparently, there is something wrong with him, because none of these women want to stay with him! Maybe he's a cheater...if he really did all those girls in high school, then he's probably a sex addict.
soccorsilly Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 I am dubious as well. I went to a mostly boys boarding school and we had 50 guys and 2 girls in the class and at that age there was VERY little hanky panky going around--much less with one stud servicing the entire class. But I also have to question the math here too 3 wives and 5 kids assume a kid right after HS you need at least (well pretty close) 2 years between kids unless there are multiples, so that brings him to age 28 on a constant breeding cycle. A divorce typically takes a year at best so that brings him to 31 and that is if the timing was right on everything. If the kids are not 2 yrs apart in age, all of them... I am always one for giving someone a shot, but this guy sounds like a bull****ter and a liar and someone who will just run off to the next piece of ass regardless of the consequenses. Sorry to be harsh--just my take
alphamale Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by soccorsilly Sorry to be harsh--just my take maybe he is Wilt Chamberlain?
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 hmm...I sorta agree.. I would say that he likes sex, that is apparent. No, I dont think he slept with the whole damn school, thats just a little out there... As far as what I said earlier about wanting to keep your youth, thats true. You are too young to pick up someone elses baggage. Have you thought that maybe your youth is what he is after? It makes him feel good to know that he can get someone alot younger than him..It gives him his kicks, I dont like the situation. Like I said earlier, becareful.
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