Broke up after 3 years and a half

[Butters14]

Hello everyone,

 

I honestly never thought I'd be here typing this, as I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with this girl.

 

I will keep this short.

I started dating this girl in february 2013, we were really good together. After 8 months or so, we moved in together for a year. There were some ups and downs but it was a very good experience all together.

 

It only ended because we both finished our studies and so we each moved back home. We kept seing each other of course until I found a 2 year contract in another country (a really good experience for me that I couldn't miss and she encouraged me). My contract started May of 2015.

 

After this, I came back to visit her maybe every 2-3 months and things were ok (although the time apart was really hard). In the mean time, her dad was completely against her marrying someone from another religion but as I didn't care what he thinks, it wasn't bothering me but clearly (and understandably) it was bothering her.

 

Yesterday, I came back to see her and she told me that it's better to break up now as she cannot leave her familly.

My first day of the vacation I took to see her...

 

We were both crying really hard and while I can understand her, I still cannot cope with it. I know that this forum is really good for coping so I'm here. I'm feeling very numb now.

 

We both still love each other and she says that she doesn't want to lose me from her life. I keep reading about NC and I did use it very successfullyin the past but the breakup was mutual here and I don't want her out of my life forever.

 

Any advice?

[sooshi]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, OP. This sounds very hard.

 

You have used NC very successfully in the past. I think it would be a good idea to implement it now. Let her know that you need to go NC in order to heal, and then start with the no contact.

 

It's too painful to maintain communication or a friendship with her right now.

 

When you're healed and ready, you can open the lines of communication again and see where she's at.

 

Take care.

[privategal]

You need to give her time and space and 100% NC to search her heart and make tough decisions.

Showing your love sometimes means letting the other go to explore what they really want and need.

She has to feel you TRULY out of her life before she can even begin to process if she made a mistake.

So...let her go. Greive, take time, heal, don't wait, you left on loving good terms which is not typical.

Do not mess that up by clouding the waters with more words.

Let the dust settle, begin with new routines each day...read, exercise, meet people, figure YOU out and just know time has a way of sorting things.

If the universe has it in the cards for you two it will be no matter what.

Right now the odds of distance, family, culture, religion are stacked against you.

She became aware of this and overwhelmed by it.

No contact is your friend for both of your sakes, make yourself bust but do face it so you can heal rather than push feelings down.

Try not to wallow, force yourself to keep moving and be good to yourself.

[DarrenB]

You need to give her time and space and 100% NC to search her heart and make tough decisions.

Showing your love sometimes means letting the other go to explore what they really want and need.

She has to feel you TRULY out of her life before she can even begin to process if she made a mistake.

So...let her go. Greive, take time, heal, don't wait, you left on loving good terms which is not typical.

Do not mess that up by clouding the waters with more words.

Let the dust settle, begin with new routines each day...read, exercise, meet people, figure YOU out and just know time has a way of sorting things.

If the universe has it in the cards for you two it will be no matter what.

Right now the odds of distance, family, culture, religion are stacked against you.

She became aware of this and overwhelmed by it.

No contact is your friend for both of your sakes, make yourself bust but do face it so you can heal rather than push feelings down.

Try not to wallow, force yourself to keep moving and be good to yourself.

 

Great post to associate NC with. Agreed.

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear what has happened. It is a very painful time for you. I am sure you cannot imagine feeling better a this moment but eventually you will.

 

She said she cannot leave her family. Would she need to if she was to marry you? This is very important. People do make decisions about relationships based on family ties. Having to leave the support of a family is something that some cannot do. Those that do often wish they had that support in their day-to-day lives.

 

Just wondering if that was a major factor or if she would have broken up with you anyway. I doubt her parents' feelings against you were a big factor, but having to move far away from them to be with you might well be.

[Butters14]

Hello everyone,

 

Thank you very much for all those replies...

I'm sorry I disapeared but after writing my OP, we hanged out together for a week or so, talking.

 

I wanted to get everything out... I did, we cried, it wasn't a pleasant week... but she made it clear that her dad will never accept us and there's no point in continuing.

 

Like I said, I understand her, I don't blame her, there's nothing that can be done other than her leaving her familly, which I will never let her do nor will ever ask of her.

 

We were still talking a bit until yesterday when she started blaming me for the breakup, that I didn't fight for her, that I used this as an opportunity to break up.

 

I know it's just her emotions acting up, she doesn't realize what she's saying, it's not her fault but it just made me realize that no matter how clean the breakup was, NC should always be the next step, not forever no, but for a good while, until emotions have settled.

 

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, yes a 26 year old man crying... I don't even remember the last time I cried. I wouldn't have believed that we will come to this.

 

For 3 years and a half, there were ups and downs sure, but I'm proud to say that neither of us ever lied to each other, or cheated or did anything that was unforgivable. I always joked that I could throw her in a pool of men and she would have just fought her way out. I was 100% confident that she would never hurt me. She never did. She has been there for me whenever I needed her and I was there for her as well.

 

And now... just the thought of blocking her kills me. I already placed all of her pictures that were on my phone on a hidden folder on my computer. I will not delete them but I will not look at them for a very long time.

 

Again, thank you everyone for those replies, they really helped, especially now reading them again.

 

And @spiderowl, yes, if we wanted to marry down the line, she would need to leave her dad, aka familly as he will never accept it.

I never liked him but I cannot deny that he paid for everything for his whole familly. The mom doesn't work and there's 5 kids to take care off. He sent them all to school and college and they live in an amazing appartment.

 

Also btw, while the mom knows everything, the dad doesn't even know me. He's normally abroad so it wasn't a problem but when he would come back, he's the type who would not let his kids go out past 8 PM (yes even his 3 20+ year old daughters lol).

[hasekninh1984]

Hello everyone,

 

Thank you very much for all those replies...

I'm sorry I disapeared but after writing my OP, we hanged out together for a week or so, talking.

 

I wanted to get everything out... I did, we cried, it wasn't a pleasant week... but she made it clear that her dad will never accept us and there's no point in continuing.

 

Like I said, I understand her, I don't blame her, there's nothing that can be done other than her leaving her familly, which I will never let her do nor will ever ask of her.

 

We were still talking a bit until yesterday when she started blaming me for the breakup, that I didn't fight for her, that I used this as an opportunity to break up.

 

I know it's just her emotions acting up, she doesn't realize what she's saying, it's not her fault but it just made me realize that no matter how clean the breakup was, NC should always be the next step, not forever no, but for a good while, until emotions have settled.

 

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, yes a 26 year old man crying... I don't even remember the last time I cried. I wouldn't have believed that we will come to this.

 

For 3 years and a half, there were ups and downs sure, but I'm proud to say that neither of us ever lied to each other, or cheated or did anything that was unforgivable. I always joked that I could throw her in a pool of men and she would have just fought her way out. I was 100% confident that she would never hurt me. She never did. She has been there for me whenever I needed her and I was there for her as well.

 

And now... just the thought of blocking her kills me. I already placed all of her pictures that were on my phone on a hidden folder on my computer. I will not delete them but I will not look at them for a very long time.

 

Again, thank you everyone for those replies, they really helped, especially now reading them again.

 

And @spiderowl, yes, if we wanted to marry down the line, she would need to leave her dad, aka familly as he will never accept it.

I never liked him but I cannot deny that he paid for everything for his whole familly. The mom doesn't work and there's 5 kids to take care off. He sent them all to school and college and they live in an amazing appartment.

 

Also btw, while the mom knows everything, the dad doesn't even know me. He's normally abroad so it wasn't a problem but when he would come back, he's the type who would not let his kids go out past 8 PM (yes even his 3 20+ year old daughters lol).

 

My gf just broke up with me, 3 yrs relationship too. I know exactly how you feel. My ex is so close to her family that she didnt want to leave them for me. My ex has so many family issue and drama. Her family has so many issue that is cause our relationships to break. She broke up w me. We did talk abiut marriage and having a family. But I guesss she wasnt

ready. I start doimg nc for 1 month niw. I feel better and happy. I move on. My family been relly supportive of me. They dont blame me for the breakup but blame her family for having to many issue thatmcause my gf stress and depression lead to our breakup.

[Butters14]

My gf just broke up with me, 3 yrs relationship too. I know exactly how you feel. My ex is so close to her family that she didnt want to leave them for me. My ex has so many family issue and drama. Her family has so many issue that is cause our relationships to break. She broke up w me. We did talk abiut marriage and having a family. But I guesss she wasnt

ready. I start doimg nc for 1 month niw. I feel better and happy. I move on. My family been relly supportive of me. They dont blame me for the breakup but blame her family for having to many issue thatmcause my gf stress and depression lead to our breakup.

 

Hey hasekninh1984, sorry about your breakup.

Your situation is indeed very close to mine, so much drama...

Did you go NC immediately? I find it so hard to just "stop worrying" about her...