Has he lost interest?

[Heartbroken12416]

Need some advice . Kinda at a lost of what to think or what to do... So about 4 months ago, I met this guy and we hit it off great!. Literally things could not have been more perfect for the first couple months. We would get together about once a week or so, he'd send me sweet messages and call me letting me know how cool I am and how much he likes spending time with me and whatnot. And when we would hang out, he treated me great as well. But...

 

He has backed off A LOT! in this last month or so... Texting on his end has decreased a lot. He texts still!, but maybe every few days or so and his texts are very "plain". Just basic stuff. No more sweet texts, no more flirting, etc... We still see each other but not nearly as much as before. What used to be once a week, has changed a lot. We went the last month without seeing each other. Throughout this month I did express my concern of his interest. He said he understood where I was coming from but that he has just been really busy and that he is still very much interested. But the next few days he hadn't changed much, so I gave him a call one day and to tell him I was thinking about ending things between us but he surprised me. Before I told him why I was calling, he told me that he was trying to figure out a way to come see me soon and how much he missed me... I was very shocked but I still told him how I was feeling. He told me that if I wanted to end things he understood but he didn't want to.

 

So anyway, I guess I buckled and decided to keep things on for now. He kept his word and we did end up getting together and things seemed fine!. But after he left, it went back to normal. I texted him the next day and he was just very "plain". Our texting lasted about 20 minutes and it just consisted of basic stuff (how are you? how's your day? etc...). There was nothing on his end to keep the conversation going. And since that day, I have not heard from him (which was 3 days ago).

 

So basically, I'm just lost on what to do. Do you think I'm over reacting? Do you think he's lost interest and just doesn't know how to tell me? Do you think he just really is busy?, I just don't know what to think. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[angel.eyes]

What did he claim to be busy with? Is he restarting school or something? Does he have a major new life responsibility? What was his excuse exactly for being too busy to even communicate?

[BaileyB]

Depending on how old you are and what you want from the relationship, you are at the point where things should be progressing... Seeing each other more often if you can, getting a little closer. The fact that he's backing off makes me wonder if he is really busy, frustrated that things are moving too slowly for his liking, or perhaps he is losing interest. It's hard to say.

[katiegrl]

I have posted this before but here we have a typical guy who knows how to pull a woman and *gain* her interest (lots of texts, calls, dates, attention) but has no clue how to *maintain* her interest.

 

If he even wants to which doesn't sound like he does, despite his assertions to the contrary.

 

He certainly would have lost MY interest by now with that behavior....OP what keeps you hanging on?

Edited September 11, 2016 by katiegrl

[Heartbroken12416]

Yeah! Cause part of me thinks he is interested and another part thinks hes not :-/. Its very confusing... In terms of the reason hes busy I do know he has some personal things going on that hes told me about. He talked to me about it when we got together a few nights ago. And he also works a lot... So i mean he can be telling me the truth but I really dont know. Im trying hard to tryst him but ive been hurt a lot by potential relationships and I dont trust very easily....but thats my problem that I gotta learn to let go of. He has said hes not just going to disappear on me....and the night we got together and we were hugging he said he missed me so much. I dont know what to do :-/

[katiegrl]

Yeah! Cause part of me thinks he is interested and another part thinks hes not :-/. Its very confusing... In terms of the reason hes busy I do know he has some personal things going on that hes told me about. He talked to me about it when we got together a few nights ago. And he also works a lot... So i mean he can be telling me the truth but I really dont know. Im trying hard to tryst him but ive been hurt a lot by potential relationships and I dont trust very easily....but thats my problem that I gotta learn to let go of. He has said hes not just going to disappear on me....and the night we got together and we were hugging he said he missed me so much. I dont know what to do :-/

 

Yeah a lot of mixed and double messages there.....which personally I am not a huge fan of.

 

Make sure you listen to both messages, mostly his actions. I mean you hadn't seen him in a MONTH? Come on now.

 

And there is no such thing as *too busy* sorry, not buying it.

 

JMO but it sounds like he has met someone else and has relegated you to "backburner* girl in case his other doesn't work out.

 

When a man is interested in you, his actions remain consistent.

 

Sure a little pulling back sometimes is normal and even healthy, for both, but this constant back and forth crap doesn't fly with me. Not to mention his less than enthusiastic communication with you. Total meh!

 

And I am one of the most flexible and easy going women a man could meet, but I don't tolerate BS which this is imo.

Edited September 11, 2016 by katiegrl

[Heartbroken12416]

To be 100% completely honest with you!....I have had the same thought. I feel that maybe somebody else has come into the picture but hes keeping me around just in case. The other night I did ask if hes been with anybody else or been talking to anybody else and he said no. Then he said how he got an email from somebody that he met a few years ago. Guess theyve been talking for a few years now and have only met once so he knows nothing is going to come out of it but that they say hi every so often. As soon as I heard that, I knew something didnt feel right. I have a feeling maybe there is something more going on with it... IDK though. Unfortunately I guess I just gotta see how this plays out :-/. In terms of what keeps md hanging on, I do have strong feelings for him (which he knows about).

 

I honestly think it may be time to let go....but I just worry that maybe he is telling me the truth and im going to let go of what may be the guy im supposed to be with. But I do agree....these mixed signals are not cool. And I also agree with the communication. IMO nobody is too busy to where they cant say hi in 3 days....

[ShyLove]

2 questions....

 

Where did you meet him? If it was online he may have still been searching without you realizing and it's possible he met someone shiny and new (he could've met someone new in general but I know this scenario happens a lot with OLD)

 

When was his last relationship? It's possible an ex may have came back that he has unresolved feelings for and he's not sure which way he wants to go yet.

 

It seems like you are doing the right thing. You told him how you felt and then haven't contacted him for a few days. I would start looking for other guys to date or having girl's day/nights to keep you occupied. Eventually you will have your answer.

 

I have definitely been here and it's it fun but one day you wake up and yore over it. So whatever happens you will be ok good luck and keep us updated!

[katiegrl]

To be 100% completely honest with you!....I have had the same thought. I feel that maybe somebody else has come into the picture but hes keeping me around just in case. The other night I did ask if hes been with anybody else or been talking to anybody else and he said no. Then he said how he got an email from somebody that he met a few years ago. Guess theyve been talking for a few years now and have only met once so he knows nothing is going to come out of it but that they say hi every so often. As soon as I heard that, I knew something didnt feel right. I have a feeling maybe there is something more going on with it... IDK though. Unfortunately I guess I just gotta see how this plays out :-/. In terms of what keeps md hanging on, I do have strong feelings for him (which he knows about).

 

I honestly think it may be time to let go....but I just worry that maybe he is telling me the truth and im going to let go of what may be the guy im supposed to be with. But I do agree....these mixed signals are not cool. And I also agree with the communication. IMO nobody is too busy to where they cant say hi in 3 days....

 

sweetie, of course he is going to deny it, did you really expect him to tell you the truth?

 

But then he proceeds to tells you about this other chick he is *talking* to, but says it's nothing?

 

Talk about a double message!

 

Me think it's time for you to connect the dots, but I understand if you want to play it out till the bitter end...

 

I do not see this ending well for you though, I hope I am wrong.

 

Best of luck.

[Heartbroken12416]

I did meet him online. He was the only "normal" one lol. I agree though. Ive told him how I feel, now the ball is in his court. It just sucks cause I hate not knowing whats going on. But yeah I agree it is time to start finding things to keep my mind off of him and maybe looking for a guy that eill give me what I deserve. I just eish I knew what happened :-(

[ExpatInItaly]

I'd have lost interest myself by now!

 

His actions do not demonstrate a keen interest any longer. I would start dating others, OP. Don't bother waiting around for someone like this.

[Heartbroken12416]

Katiegrl: I agree. I dont think this is going to end well and I think its hanging by a thread at the moment. I think its time for mr to connect the dots too. I wanted so badly to believe him but his actions are proving differently. At this point why he came over the other night idk. Maybe he doesnt want to hyrt me by telling md hes not interested anymore....idk. Ive asked him if hes been acting this way to give me tge "hint" and he told me thats not the case and that if he does decide hes not interested anymore that he will tell me. Idk I do think its time to move on and find somebody who will treat me right.

[katiegrl]

I did meet him online. He was the only "normal" one lol. I agree though. Ive told him how I feel, now the ball is in his court. It just sucks cause I hate not knowing whats going on. But yeah I agree it is time to start finding things to keep my mind off of him and maybe looking for a guy that eill give me what I deserve. I just eish I knew what happened :-(

 

What happened was (most likely) he was still on line while dating you, and he met someone else, nothing to do with you or anything you did.

 

Had you discussed exclusivity and taking profiles down?

 

You didn't mention anything about that.

[smackie9]

When a man casually puts it out there that you can walk away anytime, and that they would understand, that says a lot.

 

He's stringing you along, it's time to get out and meet someone else. It's 4 months now and you are back at the beginning. This is not worth your time.

[Heartbroken12416]

What happened was (most likely) he was still on line while dating you, and he met someone else, nothing to do with you or anything you did.

 

Had you discussed exclusivity and taking profiles down?

 

You didn't mention anything about that.

 

Nope no commitment had been established yet

[clia]

Even assuming he is still interested, he obviously doesn't have time to date you. You've seen him once in the past month? I mean, what's the point? Are you still going to continue "dating" a guy who has no time to date you? Find a guy who has time to actually see you. But I suspect he's lost interest. If he wanted to see you, he would find the time.

[Heartbroken12416]

When a man casually puts it out there that you can walk away anytime, and that they would understand, that says a lot.

 

He's stringing you along, it's time to get out and meet someone else. It's 4 months now and you are back at the beginning. This is not worth your time.

 

Completely agreed!. I actually told him that one night. I said the fact that you will understand if I was to end things tells me a lot. I said if you really wanted this you would fight for me. All he said was "yeah i get what youre saying". Hes very "reserved". He doesnt tell me personal things (which is why im surprised he told me whats been going on lately the other night) and he bottles stuff up a lot.

 

Idk what should I do if he texts me today or in a day or two?. Should I ignore him or respond?

[katiegrl]

Katiegrl: I agree. I dont think this is going to end well and I think its hanging by a thread at the moment. I think its time for mr to connect the dots too. I wanted so badly to believe him but his actions are proving differently. At this point why he came over the other night idk. Maybe he doesnt want to hyrt me by telling md hes not interested anymore....idk. Ive asked him if hes been acting this way to give me tge "hint" and he told me thats not the case and that if he does decide hes not interested anymore that he will tell me. Idk I do think its time to move on and find somebody who will treat me right.

 

He wants to keep you as backburner girl. Don't allow him to!

 

You can make the decision to end it too ya know, you don't need his permission. Or ask him what he wants.

 

He's more than happy to keep you right where you are, while he reserves the right to *talk* to and date someone else..

 

Again, do not allow that or any other such crappy treatment, you deserve better than that don't you think?

 

Aim higher and choose wisely.

[Heartbroken12416]

Even assuming he is still interested, he obviously doesn't have time to date you. You've seen him once in the past month? I mean, what's the point? Are you still going to continue "dating" a guy who has no time to date you? Find a guy who has time to actually see you. But I suspect he's lost interest. If he wanted to see you, he would find the time.

 

Agreed. I think I know deep down that hes over me....now I just gotta accept it I guess :-(

[BaileyB]

Oh my, if you have decided that you want to end things and start dating other people, you owe it to this guy to tell him that. I mean, you've been dating the guy for four months. Just tell him that you are looking for something more from a relationship and wish him well, if that's what you've decided.

[ExpatInItaly]

Completely agreed!. I actually told him that one night. I said the fact that you will understand if I was to end things tells me a lot. I said if you really wanted this you would fight for me. All he said was "yeah i get what youre saying". Hes very "reserved". He doesnt tell me personal things (which is why im surprised he told me whats been going on lately the other night) and he bottles stuff up a lot.

 

Idk what should I do if he texts me today or in a day or two?. Should I ignore him or respond?

 

I wouldn't outright ignore him, as I think that will keep this dragging on longer than it should. I would let him know you think it's better to go your separate ways. He knows how you feel and that you would like more from him, but he hasn't stepped it up. That should be all you need to know.

[katiegrl]

Completely agreed!. I actually told him that one night. I said the fact that you will understand if I was to end things tells me a lot. I said if you really wanted this you would fight for me. All he said was "yeah i get what youre saying". Hes very "reserved". He doesnt tell me personal things (which is why im surprised he told me whats been going on lately the other night) and he bottles stuff up a lot.

 

Idk what should I do if he texts me today or in a day or two?. Should I ignore him or respond?

 

If/when he texts again, respond back "sorry, this isn't working for me anymore, wish you the best, take care."

 

Then block delete and move forward with your life.

 

When a man strings you along like this, that is all he deserves imo.

 

You have talked enough, he doesn't care, the writing is on the wall.

 

Next.

 

It will hurt but you will be fine. And will eventually find a better guy for you.

[ShyLove]

I have had multiple guys tell me "that's not the case at all!" when I could feel him pulling away and I just wanted to simply know if they were over it. In every case, even though I was told "that's not the case at all!" it really was bc I heard less and less from them until they each stopped contacting me all together.

 

I think guys just don't want to hurt our feelings or don't know if we'll go into a fit of rage lol Also, like Kategirl said he's might be trying to keep you on the back burner incase it doesn't work out with someone else he met.

[AllAboutTheHeart]

What did he claim to be busy with? Is he restarting school or something? Does he have a major new life responsibility? What was his excuse exactly for being too busy to even communicate?

 

Doesn't matter. If a person really wants to be in your life, or communicate, they will put in the effort, even if they're busy and it's inconvenient.

[Redhead14]

Need some advice . Kinda at a lost of what to think or what to do... So about 4 months ago, I met this guy and we hit it off great!. Literally things could not have been more perfect for the first couple months. We would get together about once a week or so, he'd send me sweet messages and call me letting me know how cool I am and how much he likes spending time with me and whatnot. And when we would hang out, he treated me great as well. But...

 

He has backed off A LOT! in this last month or so... Texting on his end has decreased a lot. He texts still!, but maybe every few days or so and his texts are very "plain". Just basic stuff. No more sweet texts, no more flirting, etc... We still see each other but not nearly as much as before. What used to be once a week, has changed a lot. We went the last month without seeing each other. Throughout this month I did express my concern of his interest. He said he understood where I was coming from but that he has just been really busy and that he is still very much interested. But the next few days he hadn't changed much, so I gave him a call one day and to tell him I was thinking about ending things between us but he surprised me. Before I told him why I was calling, he told me that he was trying to figure out a way to come see me soon and how much he missed me... I was very shocked but I still told him how I was feeling. He told me that if I wanted to end things he understood but he didn't want to.

 

So anyway, I guess I buckled and decided to keep things on for now. He kept his word and we did end up getting together and things seemed fine!. But after he left, it went back to normal. I texted him the next day and he was just very "plain". Our texting lasted about 20 minutes and it just consisted of basic stuff (how are you? how's your day? etc...). There was nothing on his end to keep the conversation going. And since that day, I have not heard from him (which was 3 days ago).

 

So basically, I'm just lost on what to do. Do you think I'm over reacting? Do you think he's lost interest and just doesn't know how to tell me? Do you think he just really is busy?, I just don't know what to think. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

You're allowing yourself to be strung along. Drop your end of the string. He knew you were wondering what's what and so he pre-empted you just to give you breadcrumbs. Don't eat them.

 

Don't reach out to him in anyway and don't respond if he reaches out to you. Let this go.