Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 Angel eyes, exercise sounds like a good idea. I'll give it a go. At least that way I can feel a bit healthier. I can't cope with being around people. Pretending to be OK is too hard and I don't have any close friends out here 1
angel.eyes Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Yes. An intense workout gave me no time to think while I was exercising. I was just struggling to breathe and get through the workout. Then afterwards, my mood was pretty upbeat for a couple of hours until something triggered the sadness and moping again. A lack of friends might be contributing to your loneliness and how much you miss him. It sounds as if he was your primary confidante. What hobbies and interests do you have? Even casual interactions with others will help. Whatever you do, try to get out of the house. Can you ask a neighbor to start taking evening walks with you. Being out in nature and chatting with someone will lift your spirits a little. Or volunteer in a soup kitchen if you can't think of anything else to do. Reaching out to others and/or helping others does wonders for the soul. BTW, so what if you occasionally get a little emotional around others?!? Everyone has gone through difficult times and cried, been sad, etc. Are you claiming not to be human? Stop pretending to be okay when you're not. It's adding to your struggle. It's also preventing you from seeing how caring the people around you really are because you're denying them an opportunity to support you and comfort you when you're in need.
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 I live and work with children (not my own) so I don't get a lot of time/space away from that environment. The people I live with are colleagues, so again, I don't like to mix work and pleasure too much. Not a problem really because I'm a bit of an introvert. Just means a lack of privacy.
angel.eyes Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Okay. It sounds as if you work at a boarding school or something. I asked about neighbors. Even in a campus setting, there is a neighborhood and generally a whole town outside the school campus. You aren't limited to meeting people solely on campus. What do you propose to do if you won't befriend your co-workers or those who live around you? Almost everyone needs someone to confide in and talk to. Who will that be? Him...i.e. your ex?
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 I'm not in an English speaking country, so it would be difficult, even if I wanted to. But I'm a really private person anyway so it wouldn't be my choice if it was available. There are plenty of social activities available to me but I don't want to be out with other people. I really just want to hole up, in my apartment, on my own. What I'd like more than anything is to fast forward 2 months to where I'm feeling a bit better because at the moment, I'm feeling worse by the day, instead of better and more resolved. This really is ****. I am NEVER getting into another relationship, even on the off chance that it was possible, which it won't be. I'm not doing this again. Someone of my age should not put themselves through this. And I'm under no illusion. It's my fault I'm in this place now. I've felt for a long time he had me on a string. Every time I tried to get away, he'd just give enough for me to think things would be different, and then things would go back to being exactly the way they were before. Urgh.
whatnot Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I'm not in an English speaking country, so it would be difficult, even if I wanted to. But I'm a really private person anyway so it wouldn't be my choice if it was available. There are plenty of social activities available to me but I don't want to be out with other people. I really just want to hole up, in my apartment, on my own. What I'd like more than anything is to fast forward 2 months to where I'm feeling a bit better because at the moment, I'm feeling worse by the day, instead of better and more resolved. This really is ****. I am NEVER getting into another relationship, even on the off chance that it was possible, which it won't be. I'm not doing this again. Someone of my age should not put themselves through this. And I'm under no illusion. It's my fault I'm in this place now. I've felt for a long time he had me on a string. Every time I tried to get away, he'd just give enough for me to think things would be different, and then things would go back to being exactly the way they were before. Urgh. Angle eyes mentioned it being like drug withdrawal. I'm convinced (fwiw) there are physiological components to a break up. You are now experiencing them. It's the worst at first. You will continue to miss him. but it's easier (not saying easy) but easier once the body re-adjusts. One man's opinion. Good luck.
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 It certainly feels like withdrawal. All I want to do is huddle in bed and shut out the world.
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 So yesterday morning someone posted a picture with him in it, with a woman. There were 4 people, him and 3 women, so the chances are, she may not have 'been' with him. I was frozen for about 3 hours. He's already dating again etc etc, how could he let me down like that. 10 years! Later, I calmed down. There WERE 3 women in the pic so the chances are, it wasn't a date. But... Since then, I've been a mess. Not as bad as right after I saw the pic but still. I'm in my room, a mess, not really able to go out, do anything (my work is suffering a bit but fortunately, a lot of it is so instinctive, that I can function on automatic a lot of the time) and he's out, socialising, having a good time. This is so ****.
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 SO close to messaging him. I KNOW it's not a good idea but I miss him and want to reach out and tell him how I feel. I miss him. I want to speak to him. 1
HumanMachine Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 He doesn't care about how you feel 1
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 I know. But that doesn't stop me wanting to contact him. It's like a junkie going cold turkey 1
BluesPower Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Babe don't do it, you will hate yourself. Just stay strong and let it end. He does not and will never really care for you. Just hang tough. You can do this!!!
NotASkunk Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Try writing out how you feel instead. Contacting him is pointless, you will just feel worse. 1
sooshi Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I understand, OP, because I have been wanting to do it myself. But every time I think it through, I know it will just hurt me. If he truly wanted to reconcile and work through things, he'd have to find his way to me. It's not the other way around. This guy was never committed to you. Even if he responded, how committed would he be to sustaining contact? Not committed at all. You're still very early on in NC. That's when it's the hardest. Keep going. Take care. 1
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 This guy was never committed to you. Even if he responded, how committed would he be to sustaining contact? Not committed at all. So true. It would be momentary relief followed by self disgust. I really wish knowing that took away the desire to contact him but it doesn't. :-( 1
sooshi Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 It's okay to have that desire. What's important is to not act on it. Hugs to you. 2
Satu Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 NC does two things: It protects you from being hurt again by the ex. It prevents you being distracted from your healing by the ex. Both of those are very important. If you can hold out a little longer, the urge to break NC will pass. Stand your ground. Take care. 3
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Thank you everyone. I hope the desire to contact him will pass. It is like a craving. Missing him, wanting him, both are bad. But wanting to contact him is harder even than those. 2
NotASkunk Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 You did the right thing by posting how you feel on this forum. This forum is so helpful. Even if he contacts you, don't contact him back. It's like trying to play with a broken toy. You just can't have fun with it if it doesn't work. Just throw it in the trash. When I sometimes get the desire to send my ex a text I just realize there is no point. Just like playing with a broken toy. It seems like it should be a good idea, you want to do it because you had so much fun with that toy before but the fact is the toy doesn't work anymore. It's worthless. It's highly unlikely he the toy is going to hop out of the trash, realize all the ways it is broken, fix itself, present itself to you and say "here I am, let's play again!". 1
opal101 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 stay strong, keep your mind busy....I know its difficult but after a while it gets easier. hugs to you xxx 2
aloneinaz Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Agree with all the post that say DON'T do it! Honestly what will it accomplish? Your mind is lying to you. It's telling you when he see's your text that he'll realize that he misses you too. He'll then come riding back on his white horse to rescue you from your pain and you'll live happily ever after! LIES! Your brain is lying to you. What he'll really think if you contact him- * OMG, she needs to get some help! * Why is she stalking me? I must be awesome! * He'll show your text to his buddies and family telling them how pathetic you are. They'll all have a good laugh! Listen, don't do it. Don't stroke his ego. Have some pride and self respect. Everyone has been rejected and they get over it and move on. You'll do the same. 3
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 I want to, but something is stopping me. You all have some great reasons. Being mocked/talked about by him and his daughter isn't flattering. Or me feeding his ego. Thank you guys. Thank you so much. You're so helpful. It's making all the difference. 3
sooshi Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I want to, but something is stopping me. The part of you that knows better is stopping you. The part of you who is tired of the non-commitment. The part of you who is finally taking accountability and standing up for what you value. The part of you who wants to heal and move on. The part of you that sees your self-worth. 1
NotASkunk Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 The part of you that knows better is stopping you. The part of you who is tired of the non-commitment. The part of you who is finally taking accountability and standing up for what you value. The part of you who wants to heal and move on. The part of you that sees your self-worth. Thank you, Sooshi. So true. I made an ass of myself for two months trying to stay in contact with someone who despises me now and who most likely never had any respect for me. I am feeling better with every day that goes by since NC. Some days are tougher than others but everyday my self respect gets stronger. 1
DarrenB Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Breaking NC will ultimately break you. If you want that, proceed. If you want to live a happy life, move on and potentially find someone ALOT better do not proceed. Sometimes, you need to do it to get the honesty out of them and in order to move on you need to hear their part. I do not suggest this. Keep NC, forget about him, the past with him is now completely irrelevant and serves no purpose in your present life and definitely not in your future. It hurts now of course, but it'll hurt more caving into your needs in him.
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