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Naom1

By Naom1
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Naom1 New Member

Naom1

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi everyone, I recently met a guy who approached me and asked for my number. Following this, we had a first date approx a week and a half later.

 

On the first date he took me for a walk in the park and then coffee. One the second date I went to see him in his area. We had a fun time out doing several activities, some of which I enjoyed some wasn't to my taste. But I did I appreciate the efforts he went through to arrange everything. On the second date he took me to his house where we had a take a way meal, and then watched a movie. I slept at his place. Nothing happened although he did make his move but he stopped when I asked him to.

 

The following day he went and drop me home after he took me out for lunch. The problem is my ex who I was in a relationship for approximately 12 years got In touch with me few weeks ago before I started dating this guy. I still have feeling for my ex and we had talks about potentially getting back together. I am very indecisive person and I didn't know what to do. I told the new guy that I am talking to my ex and don't know where things will lead between my ex and I. The new guy said that he understood, and then left the ball in my court to contact him when I decided what to do.

 

Few days after this, I txt the new guy to say I was missing him and wanted to see him again which he was happy with. He set up the third date where we went out and ended up sleeping over at his place. We had sex on the tired date, although I was disappointed that he only lasted ten minutes.

 

The following day, he took me to a fancy pub where he treated me with expensive lunch. So far he has not allowed me to pay on all the dates that we have had. I have told him that I was not comfortable with this but he said that he was ok with that.

 

When he dropped me home that day, I started talking to my ex and things got on well. He expressed that he wanted me back. I became really confused. I text the new guy few days later to tell him that I did not wish to waste his time and needed time to clear my head and that I wish him best of luck of what he was looking for.

 

That was seven dates ago. He has read my message, but he did not respond. Now I feel really guilty. Am I wrong choosing my ex who I was also engaged to over the new guy? Is it normal for a guy not to respond to a text like that?

 

Also to add, that the new guy did buy me two small gifts (if That makes any difference).

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T
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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted

Naom1. Of course it makes sense that the new guy doesn't respond. Why would he or should he? You told him 'good luck' and to move on. So, he's moving on.

 

What you should feel guilty about is dating this guy knowing that you are not ready. You had and continued to communicate with your ex about getting back together and still you went out with this guy. Ugh. :rolleyes: After you told him, he continued to date you. UghX2. :rolleyes:

 

I think you are not ready to be in a relationship. PERIOD. You are a mess. Let's not go into detail about you sleeping with the new guy knowing that you were going to get back together with your ex. How do you think your ex would feel about this? Yeah, yeah, you two were broken up, but you had plans to get back together....

 

I don't know what this guy's intentions were, but he got sex and some time with you. You got time and heartache. More confusion.

 

Are you wrong choosing your ex-fiance? The question is, why are you getting back together with him? What happened to lead to your break-up in the first place?

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Naom1 New Member

Naom1

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My ex and I broke up because at the time I didn't see things going anywhere and felt that I was wasting my time with him after a long engagement. Me and my ex maintained friendship although we wasn't seeing each other.

 

I continued dating the new guy because I didn't know how things was going to plan out with my ex or with him. I am indecisive and have made mistakes in the past. I wanted to make sure. The only worry is that if my ex let me down again then I would have lost the other guy. But, which point it would be stupid of him to take me back even if he was single. Dating is a nightmare and I just don't want history to repeat itself.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

I get a strong feeling from your original post, that you can't handle being alone, and are desperate to avoid being alone.

 

You've not even begun getting over your ex.

 

You've not been fair to the new guy, either.

 

Spend some time alone; not dating, not in a couple, not FWB, not hooking up.

 

Learn to love your own company.

 

Learn to love yourself.

 

Then find a man.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 3
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Of course he didn't respond. You have absolutely no idea what you want. In fact, most of what you discussed doesn't matter when deciding who to date - what you did, who pays, how long the sex lasted.

 

With which guy are you more comparable - do you share values, interests, life goals. Who is kind and makes you laugh? Which guy is more intelligent and more interesting to talk to? Who do you trust, respect, want to spend time together?

 

You need to figure out who you are and what you want from a relationship. I don't blame this guy for walking away... Anybody would do that if they were told that the person they are dating is still hung up and waffling about going back to their ex.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted (edited)
My ex and I broke up because at the time I didn't see things going anywhere and felt that I was wasting my time with him after a long engagement. Me and my ex maintained friendship although we wasn't seeing each other.

 

I continued dating the new guy because I didn't know how things was going to plan out with my ex or with him. I am indecisive and have made mistakes in the past. I wanted to make sure. The only worry is that if my ex let me down again then I would have lost the other guy. But, which point it would be stupid of him to take me back even if he was single. Dating is a nightmare and I just don't want history to repeat itself.

 

Ok. This one is EASY....tell your ex to set a date for the wedding and start planning for it. Within the year. THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO WAIT ANY LONGER....or YOU. You've already been engaged, so if the two of you are getting back together, IT MUST MEAN THAT HE IS READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP, right?!

 

Nothing less. Get back together, you start planning for the wedding....now.

Edited by simpleNfit
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
When he dropped me home that day, I started talking to my ex

 

Are you unable to be by yourself for any length of time?

 

This is something I think that you need to talk to a therapist about because this here is completely unfair to both of these men.

 

Had this been done to you, what would you have us say to the guy who posted this?

  • Like 1
Kkristine Established Member

Kkristine

Posted
Posted

Wishing him the best of luck is code for I don't plan on taking to you again. I wouldn't text back either.

 

It's wonderful that you were honest with him, but you need to make a decision. You're hurting your ex and the new guy.

 

My best friend ended a 7-year relationship to be with someone else. She still spends time with both of them, and her feelings are all over the place. It drives me crazy because I feel so bad for both of the guys. When she fights with one, she goes to the other one. Don't be her.

 

I will say... your ex is an ex for a reason. The new guy seems like a good guy.

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