GeeItsLui Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 I'm a 20 year old man and she is 18. We're both in college. So it starts with me meeting this girl on Tinder. After we matched I sent her a message and we started exchanging messages but I tried my best to reply a little later. On the third or fourth day I added her on Facebook. On that same day I asked her out. She took a long time to respond but I waited and she eventually said yes on the same day and I set the date to be on the day after. I took her to a really cool museum, had dinner and then watched a movie (My bad). I knew she was interested in me. She was close to me the whole date and she sometimes initiated contact but me in my stupidity didn't move forward from that. When we were walking to get a cab so I could accompany her home (She lives with her family and I live with mine so I couldn't go and hook up. It's common in my country and I already got caught once so lockdown) I grabbed her hand but I noticed it was awkward so I let go. After a few seconds she grabbed my hand and this lasted until we got into the cab. She let go when we got in. After a few minutes into the ride she gave me her phone and told me to put in my number which I did (Was this good or bad?). A good 20 minutes into the ride, I grabbed her hand and she moved closer to me. When I dropped her off at her place and they had an intimidating security guard so I couldn't go in for the kiss (Weak of me I know). I opted for a hug and she gave me the cheek but me being a pussy didn't kiss her cheek. I got in the cab and she texted me saying thank you and that she had a great time. I messaged her when I got home and we talked for about an hour until I left the house again at midnight. The next few days we kept exchanging texts but I noticed that I always initiated and that her interest was waning so what I did was I stopped texting her and lo and behold she initiated a few hours later. I answered her when I got home since I was in class. While she was out drinking with her friends one day she called me and I talked to her and her girlfriend which kept asking if I loved her friend which I replied "Not yet. We're just friends but I'm interested in her". She then told me about this guy that was hitting on her when they were drinking but she rejected him. After an hour of talking I told her I was busy and to have a great night. After a few more days of texting (it was getting slower but I was matching her texts ala 1:1 ratio) and I got back to initiating (My bad) I called her and told her we should hang out the day after tomorrow. She said "I'll think about it" in which I interpreted as a no but I said "Okay". The day before the set date she told me that she was going out to drink with her friends. She told me she would get ready and that she would message me when she met with her friends. Me being a little ticked off because she instantly joined her friends did a really late take back. I said "Since you're going to be drinking tonight I think we should cancel tomorrow. Have a great night" and I stopped messaging her. I put my phone away from me but it started occasionally buzzing for about 3-4 hours. I checked when I was done with what I was doing and boom: 2 messages and 12 phone calls. Me in shock decided to call her and ask her what's up and she asked why I wasn't answering in which I replied I was asleep (I was playing). She then said she would call me later and I said good bye. After a few minutes of me waking up she called me and asked me if I would like to go out that day in which I agreed to and set the time (3:00pm. I know) and place. This is where I ****ed up. On our second date I was a little disinterested because it took her so long to respond to me asking her out but she agreed to go out with her friends in a heartbeat. I kept making mistakes and looking weak. We just had coffee and talked for 2-3 hours. She was still on her phone. My biggest mistake was when we were parting ways. She said she was going to her bestfriend's house to accompany her drinking cause she was the only girl there. I said okay and cut the date short. It was still early in the evening and I didn't have much to do so I told her if she would allow me to accompany her to her friend place but she insisted that it would be such a hassle for me because only the residents of the dorm can enter and I would have to wait outside (If I only knew she was telling me to get lost). After bugging her (We were holding hands at this point) she said that I could but only half way there. During the commute to the half way point we were sitting close to each other. I had my arm around her and she her hand was on my thigh and she was leaning in to me. When we got to the halfway point we held hands and we proceeded to find her a bus but we got lost. I told her that since we can't find a bus I could call a cab and bring her there. She hesitated but said okay. While waiting and being flirty we talked and she asked me why I am doing this and I said "I don't get to see you too much (Mistakes were said)" in which she replied that I was clingy. I got offended and let go of her and she let go me. I reinitiated contact after a few seconds (Mistakes) but I let go since we got in a cab. We spent the cab ride talking and I think that she was trying to initiate contact because she turned her body and was facing me. Me being told that I was clingy decided to ignore this (Was I wrong?). When we got to the dorm we walked a little bit and me being dumb said that I would wait for her. She told me that she doesn't want me to wait for her because she would feel bad for me. I noticed she was getting irritated so I told her I was going home. I didn't go in for any physical contact and just awkwardly said good bye. When I went online at my friend's place later in the evening she texted me that she left early and went home. I thanked her and she thanked me back. She asked where I was and I said I was at a friend's place. She said that it was far from where I lived and I didn't reply anymore. After not texting her for about 2 days I said I was sorry for being so stubborn and pestering her that I would wait for her (Mistake?) in which she replied "It's okay don't be silly" and I sent her another message and she didn't reply. After two days of waiting I texted her again but I got no reply so I didn't text again. I decided to wait it out. It was hard at first but she messaged me 6 days after. She asked if I was mad which I ignored and asked her how she was doing. She said that she was busy with her thesis and school and that she was sorry. I asked her when she was free and she said she wasn't sure because her schedule picked up. I told her to tell me when her schedule wasn't tight and that I would love to her. She didn't reply after that. It's been 3 days since that message. I decided to not send another message until after 2 weeks. I am also planning to ask another girl out. I know I ****ed up. Should I message her after 2 weeks or just walk away and wait for her? Thank you so much.
smudge21 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 To me it just seems that both of you came off as unsure what you wanted. Neither of you stepped it up and it just kept coming and going. All very awkward and uncomfortable. In your defence she did push you away a few times but then try to bring you back in. That would confuse anyone. Maybe, at her age, she simply doesn't know what she wants. All you can do now is see what happens, but don't dwell on it. Be confident in what you want and who you are. Remember, a date is about two people coming together with a view to dating each other. It's not just about the man making the woman happy and doing everything for her. You've got to enjoy it as much as she has. So try to hold off on the do this and that for her attitude - your dating her, not working for her. Personally, if she does get in touch, I wouldn't get into long text convos, but simply suggest a meet up, a quick coffee or similar. Pick a time - if she's flaky then tell her to call you when she has some free time. If you do meet up and you do talk about the dates, then try to make light of them. You're both young and both aloud to make mistakes. No one has the dating game down perfectly, no matter what their age. Of course if you hear nothing, then leave it. Sometimes two people just don't connect. No harm done.
Kamille Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 It sounds like she wanted to get to know you on a casual basis, telling you "she'd think about" whether or not she's be free for a date. If I get this correctly, you're more interested in her than she is in you. So you wanted a more engaged response. That's fair. And it means you're not on the same page and no amount of "moves" on your part will change that. I'm not sure you understand why she said you were clingy. It wasn't only because you got lost or initiated texts. I think the main reason she said you seem to have badgered her about accompanying her to her friend's house when she was herself trying to end the date. It could also be because you were acting "disinterested", which I can only read as "sulking" on your second date. Basically... I agree with her, you acted emotional and clingy. The thing to understand is that you can't manipulate someone into changing their feelings for you. You either accept what they're offering (here, something casual, at least at first) or gracefully bow out. The good news is: Plenty more people on Tinder. Don't text her in two weeks.
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