Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 So Ive been on 5 dates with this guy who I have known for a while. The physical chemistry is amazing, he even says so & we laugh&get a long however he doesn't want us to see other people but he's not ready for a realtionship...wtf! I said mmm sounds like youre looking for a fwb set up? He says no he just after his ex(who had serious illness) he is concerned about supporting someone emotionally.... Ok so I really can't accept that, my gut feeling says that he doesnt want to be committed so he can keep an eye out for the other ladies, I kinda told him that too, he says not at all! and that when he does want to get committed Id be right for him... Hope this makes sense, have tried to keep it short and sweet. Guys and gals please give honest opinions because to me this just sounds like a load of s***!!! LOL
d'Arthez Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 It could be true - but the limitation on seeing other people is something the two of you should not have agreed on. You will start to build resentment against him, for his decision not to enter a relationship. And you have left yourself in a position that you can't date anyone else. You will never know when he feels ready for a relationship. And you can't put your life on hold for a guy who may never be ready for you. He may be telling the truth. And it would not be about you, but about him. But are you willing to wait on him? Even when the end is not a set date? The best thing you can do, is to reconsider the exclusivity the two of you share, unless you are really willing to wait for something that may never happen.
Author Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 d'Arthez, you're right...and basically this is what happenend last night I told him that I don't really want to wait for something that might not happen, he said things might change...Its my problem not his that Im cynical and can't believe this. I can't help but think he is just telling me what I want to hear as opposed to the truth. Maybe we rushed the exclusivity talk again perhaps because we got physical immediately!?
d'Arthez Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 You might have had the exclusivity talk a bit early. But on the other hand, if you were good enough to have sex with, he should have realized that the possibility existed that you wanted an exclusive relationship with him. So don't beat yourself up for talking about exclusivity. It is unfair of him to expect you to wait. If you have become physical, it seems to be an excuse to avoid all the hassle of a relationship. Accountability where he is, what he does. The need to spend time with you in other ways, than the physical way he probably enjoys. He still might be faithful - but you are effectively nothing more than FWB, although he is denying that. Now the question is for you, if you can deal with that, and are willing to settle for a man who does not know when he might be ready for a relationship with you. To settle for this seems to be selling yourself way short, as he is not likely to suddenly get over his issues caused by his ex - if these issues exist at all. It does not look to good . Things might change but that is an eventuality, and not a certainty.
Author Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Exactly, I just can't really accept that I'd be waiting for him...I can't help but think he is waiting for someone esle to come along, which sounds like I have bad self esteem but if anything I can't help but think this guy is lucky to have me, LOL. I promise you Im not arrogant! haha. I just cannot escape thinking he doesn't want a relationship because of other women! Cannot rationalise any other reason...perhaps these thoughts need addressing.
Dasani Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by Jess xx ...basically this is what happenend last night I told him that I don't really want to wait for something that might not happen, he said things might change...Its my problem not his that Im cynical no.. hes wanting his cake and eating it too.. he cannot tell you he wants exclusivity- but no relationship... double standard. set the guy straight- you want a relationship... emotional aas well as physical for it to be exclusive otherwise you will continue to date other people as well.
Author Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Dasani, I did essentially tell him that last night. He said he doesn't like the thought of me not being in his life...Im getting mixed signals. I think he like me just not enough, so it would seem.
Author Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Oh yeah and he told me if I did see other people he wouldn't want to see me anymore wtf!
d'Arthez Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Forget about the guy. He demands exclusivity from you, but does not want to offer anything to you in return. What remains is basically an FWB-relationship; something to which he does not dare to admit. Perhaps for fear of losing you, perhaps for some kind of twisted moral logic. You don't feel happy about such an arrangement. You don't need to compromise your integrity for some guy who is afraid to commit to you.
Author Jess xx Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 d'Arthez, Thank-you you've got a valid point...Like you say its the way he can't admit its a FWB situation, he is in denial. I do like him though, and there isn't anybody else I really want to date at the moment although will try to move on. Can't accept his reasons!
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