7 year relationship ended 2 months back, ex has been weird since, dont get it!?!?!

[pea007]

I made a post a while back about me and my boyfriend breaking up. We had been together for 7 years. From the ages of 19-25. Solid relationship, there for each other through out everything, about to move in together and really get our lives going, when out of no where one night I get dumped. And I really mean out of no where, because I was happy and he seemed to be very happy to and being pretty pushy about moving our relationship forward. By the way he dumped me via facebook... I had to call him to speak to him, then it took me 3 weeks to even get him to have a conversation face to face and actually kind of get an explanation out of him.

 

His explanation for it was that he had this gut feeling that was telling him he needed to be a lone, he had thought about it for a while and tried to push this feeling to the back of his mind but couldn't any longer.

 

Since then things have just been slightly odd, obviously after seven years we share a lot of the same friends so unfortunately we are kind of stuck knowing what the other is doing. Firstly though he asked for NC I was fine with that unfriended him on social media sites and stuff. He took it one step further and just blocked me on absolutely everything, except for his phone.

 

After a couple weeks NC I did break and did send him a couple of messages, majority of which I never got replies to. I did get replies to texts I sent about being discreet with what we were up to so that our friends didn't find out and tell us, to make sure we weren't sleeping with people we know, because we felt that wouldn't be a nice position for each other to be in and he totally agreed with all this by the way.

 

Roll on a couple weeks, and I get to find out he's sleeping with people I know, but best of all sleeping with a girl who tried to break us up a year or so a go, who was very rude to me when she saw me and made it very clear she wanted my boyfriend, when we were together. I tried to discuss this with him, which at first he got mad I had found out, hung up and blocked my number, but then rang back the next day to confirm he had slept with her a long with the other people I knew he had slept with. I tried to explain how bad it made me feel knowing he was sleeping with a girl who had tried to break us up for such a long period of time but he told me it wasn't a big deal, but he did feel bad about it... He then went on to say that every time he sleeps with some one new he feels guilty because and I quote "I still have seven years of chemicals in me". He also says he's trying not to think with his dick... but clearly thats all he's doing.

 

We have also had an awkward moment where we bumped into each other on the bus, he came straight up to me when I tried to ignore him, put his arm round me and kissed me on the head. I just burst into tears and told him how hard I was finding everything and he didn't say a word till eventually I had to get off the bus. I called him after to talk about what happened, he said putting his arm round me and kissing me on the head meant nothing, he doesn't care about me anymore and couldn't care less what I am up to. That I shouldn't contact him unless it was an emergency because if I did contact him about anything else he would block me.

 

Next weird thing, a few people decided to tell me TODAY that he had changed his cover photo on facebook to a photo I had taken of him in my bedroom. Basically the majority of the photo is just my room with him sitting on the floor, he also uploaded a few other photos I had taken of him. I just found that super weird, why on earth would you want your cover photo to be a photo of you sitting in your exs room? And why now are you choosing to upload photos I have taken of you, which by the way are already on my profile so our friends know I have taken them and they are old photos.

 

I just don't know what to think anymore I don't understand this guy, one minute he's telling me he wants nothing to do with me, he's loving being single, and wants absolutely NC with me. The next he's telling me he feel's bad about certain things and coming across to me like he cares. He has told some friends he's finding this break up hard to deal with and thinks he will regret his decision and then he's telling other friends he's completely over it and never wants me back.

 

He's also started doing things that I have always told him to do for ages when we were together. He wanted to cover up an old tattoo for years! and we came up with a design for it and I was willing to pay for it as a birthday present or xmas present and he always put it off. Soon as we broke up he got it done. I told him for years to buy proper boots for work, because his shoes used to always get wrecked, we break up and he finally buys them. He's started drinking the drink I used to always get on a night out since we have broken up. And he's now suddenly become much more open and honest with friends, which I have always told him to do.

 

We have now had no contact for 3 weeks.... The facebook photos went up today by the way and we have been broken up for a couple months now. I just have no clue what's going on with this guy? Is he over the relationship? Is he not? Is he confused? Is he suddenly going to show up at my door trying to get back with me? Or am I never going to see him again?

 

I would love to see if we could get back together, but to be honest he's dealt with this break up so badly and he's shown me a lot of other issues he has going on, he would need to make some changes in order for it to work I think. And i am at a point where I am starting to move on, but its his actions that keep constantly confusing me and throwing me back to square one. And as much as I tell people I don't want to know what he's up to or how he is I always seem to have someone telling me.

 

Oh yeah thats another thing he asks people how I am doing a lot, and asks what I've been up to a lot. When I called him out on it he said he never asks people what I am up to, but he does check in with people to see how I'm doing and that he's never going to stop that even though I told him I found that uncomfortable and that I don't do that.

 

Does it look like hes regretting this? Or he misses me in some sort of way? I just can't tell and its driving me mad. Because if he is regretting it I want to be able to talk to him about that. I just don't know what I am meant to be doing about all this and what I am meant to think about his behaviour! He's been so rude to me at times and really guarded when I have spoken to him and making it very clear to me at times that he's totally done... yet all his actions seem to say different things?

 

Help! haha.

Edited September 11, 2016 by pea007

[MetalGearSolid]

It seems like your ex is just trying to play with your emotions by checking in on you, kissing you on the bus, etc. Additionally, he sounds very immature and does not know what he wants. Plus, the fact that he slept with a few people you know, especially the lady that tried to break you guys up, tells me that he has been meaning to do sleep with them for quite a long time, and that he isn't entirely faithful to you. I can assure you that a long-term thing with a partner like this would be awful. I'm experiencing something a bit similar; my ex cheated on me, but kept giving me hope we could be together again by letting me meet, hug, kiss, and even had sex with her after breakup, even though she's still seeing the other guy.

 

Best advice I can give is, keep having no contact, and let your emotions rest. Fight the urge to talk to him; I know it can be extremely difficult, seeing as how your relationship was 7 years long. Remove him from social media completely, and tell your friends to stop updating you about his life. You're still in the recovery phase, learning how he's doing would only hurt you deeper. Go out, meet new people, enjoy yourself. I find that going to the club and talking to people of the opposite gender really helps me forget my POS ex.

[ExpatInItaly]

He was with you for a long time. Now he's sowing his oats and having fun being single. If he cared about you, he wouldn't be giving you mixed signals like his. You're misinterpreting his motivations - he cares about himself. He keeps that door ajar in case he gets tired of sleeping around. That isn't caring at all. And it isn't showing regret. It's showing that he's out having a great old time while putting you on the backburner. Don't allow yourself to be demoted to that role.

 

You really need to tell your friends to stop updating you about his social media activity, who he is dating or having sex with. That isn't helping; you know far too many details about him at this point and you will never be able to heal properly if they report on his goings-on. A measly FB picture means little in light of his other behaviour, anyway.

 

Go full No Contact. You need real time and space away from him.

[pea007]

I think your right, so hard to hear! don't know how to even begin moving on after 7 years, when he seems to be doing it so easily!! i just miss him!

[elaine567]

I think your right, so hard to hear! don't know how to even begin moving on after 7 years, when he seems to be doing it so easily!! i just miss him!

 

He's doing it so easily as he is the one who dumped you and so has had all the time in the world to get used to the idea and he then decided that that is what he really wants, but you were blind-sided and it is not what you really want.

You are not going through this as equals, the tendency is to think that you should both be grieving the loss of your relationship equally, but he will in no way be as cut up about this as you are. It was his decision to split, so he did not view the relationship in the same way you did /do.

He may be a bit sad, he may be a bit upset, he may be relieved, he may be ecstatically happy over his decision, who knows?

 

Seven years is a long time so sometimes he may feel a bit of nostalgia over what you had together, sometimes he may feel undecided and unsure about what he feels about you.

BUT just because he does that or he checks up on you, doesn't mean he wants to get back with you, dumpers often do that.

Checking up is usually more about soothing their own guilt over doing something so cruel to someone who loves them, or building up their own ego (she still loves me - I must be a great person), or making sure you have not moved on too fast, (ie got a new bf) or sniffing around for some "break up sex", rather than genuine care or a desire to reconcile.

 

NC is designed to allow you to heal, you will never heal if you still keep a close watch on what he is doing and keep wondering what he is thinking.