tinytiger87 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 (edited) So, mine is certainly not a unique story but I am asking for some guidance, if anyone has some. My ex and I split up at the end of May 2016. Long story short, I started feeling that I was being treated unfairly and being ignored and treated callously. So I left. I told her I was moving out on a Sunday, two days before she was heading to Michigan to visit her parents and watch her sister graduate from high school. So that's what I did. I moved out that week, and she returned the following week. I play on a work softball team, and the night that she returned from Michigan, she attended my game that night (as she had done many times before the split). However, this time she brought her on and off ex of the last 5-6 years with her. Keep in mind I still had a few things at the apartment that I had to get that night. It didnt really upset me at the time that she did this. Fast forward to July 4, when she drops the bomb on me that she is pregnant. I asked how far along she was, she tells me 6 weeks. That sounded suspicious to me, as most doctors cant even tell until 9-10 weeks but again, i didnt think much of it. Of course, I was devastated, being that i wasn't over her at this point (and we work together, which made the recovery process even more difficult) Fast forward again to August 1, when she is in the midst of packing up to leave Ohio and move to Michigan with the assumed father, the ex. She comes over to my apartment so that I can say goodbye, and i ask again how far along she is. She tells me 11 weeks. I found out a few days after she moved, that she lied to me. She had been telling everyone else at work that she was 15 weeks and that the due date was January 25th. That also means that she cheated on me with him sometime about 3-4 weeks before we were actually split up. If you plug that into and pregnancy calculator, you get conception dates of roughly April 31-May 5. Last time she and I had sex was April 24, which should have been the last day of her last period (in theory). I guess my two questions are these: 1. Is it worth demanding a paternity test once the baby is born? The dates don't QUITE line up and i used a condom that didn't break. She is not on birth control. The assumed father has never used protection with this girl in the 5-6 years they have been off and on. Everything i have read says that sperm can survive inside the woman for 3-5 days, but in the case of some women, up to a week. I guess what im really asking is, what are the odds that it is mine? 2. Does it make me a bad person if i don't even want to know if it's mine for sure? Honestly, after all I have been through with this girl, i want nothing to do with her anymore. Its been a month and a half since she left the state, and she is still on my mind and i still worry about how she is dealing with the pregnancy. I know it's not my problem, but I still cant help but worry about her. Edited September 11, 2016 by tinytiger87
PinkPampies Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Answers 1. Absolutely hell yes 2. No 2
fromheart Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 If the condom didn't break, and this has always been the case when you had sex with her, there's most probably nothing to worry about. If you had had unprotected sex, then definitely go for the paternity test and get tested for STD's also. If she has family and friends around her, just let her go and you move on. Yes, its normal to still care but NC is best for both of you. Ask her to stop coming to your games also.
ShatteredLady Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 They can now do DNA with zero risk to the baby. You could know in a week or two. Isn't it better to put your mind at ease? This isn't the sort of thing that you completely forget about. Why torture yourself?
basil67 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 If she says the baby isn't yours and doesn't agree to a paternity test, you'd need to go through lawyers and courts to get one. As you don't really want to know, this seems like a lot of effort and cost. Not sure if it makes any difference to your dates, but you're wrong about doctors not being able to detect a pregnancy till 9-10 weeks. They can detect it as early as two weeks, or as soon as a woman's period is late. 1
aloneinaz Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 It sounds as if you're pretty confident that this child is not yours. If you always used rubbers and none broke, let your mind be at ease. If I was in your shoes (I'm male), I wouldn't pursue it. I like that your head is the right place and you accept that you're much better off w/her out of your life. You're lucky she's moved away. I'd stay NC and move on w/your life. Of course you're going to think about her and miss her until you meet someone new to fill that void you have. Everyone misses things about there last ex after a breakup, even when they know the ex is not a good fit for them. Power through those feelings. When you're ready, get back in the dating pool. Take what you learned from the last R/S and be selective in finding someone new who you connect with and who rocks your world.
Author tinytiger87 Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 (edited) We had sex one time toward the beginning of April and the condom broke. but the last time we had sex on April 24 (only reason I remember that is because it was right before she went to Las Vegas for a week on vacation with her best friend), everything was fine. As I typed that I realized that she had gone to the doctor the first week of April, suspicious that she was pregnant. She told me that they said she wasn't and that she just had some sort of anomaly with her period that time. Also, this is all assuming that I know the dates. Of course when I confronted her about lying to me she claims that the 7-10 people that I talked to at work who ALL told me that she told them her due date was January 25 were all lying to me. Which is total bull****. At this point, we are not talking, and she would never agree to a paternity test. She is in complete denial over the whole thing. The kid is unplanned, and unfortunately because I worked with her and some of her friends, I can't help but hear things. I heard the word adoption being thrown around a few weeks ago. At this point I am close to trying to transfer stores so that I can get away from the whole situation. Edited September 11, 2016 by tinytiger87
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