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Should I just give up or continue dating him?

LoveRunLust

By LoveRunLust
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LoveRunLust Member

LoveRunLust

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Have known a guy for almost two months. We text pretty much every single day and he usually initiates and we've been on 4 dates so far. But I keep thinking he doesn't want to get to close to me and there's some fear or he has issues with commitment. He never makes plans ahead of time, always last minute and most of the time I'm the one who chooses where we go because he can't even make a concrete plan. We haven't had sex yet and he hasn't invited me over his place yet so I know he's not using me for sex and he never asks me to hangout on weekends. His weekends are usually used for his personal time or spending time with friends. Should I just move on? This is very frustrating :(( He keeps distance from me:(

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Has he mentioned commitment issues? Has he recently got out of a relationship? It sounds like he likes to take things slow and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't see what the frustrating part is? Is it you want him to ask you out on weekends? Or get going with the physical?

 

Sorry I don't see what the issue is based on what you described. Do you kiss or is there no physical contact at all?

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LoveRunLust Member

LoveRunLust

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Has he mentioned commitment issues? Has he recently got out of a relationship? It sounds like he likes to take things slow and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't see what the frustrating part is? Is it you want him to ask you out on weekends? Or get going with the physical?

 

Sorry I don't see what the issue is based on what you described. Do you kiss or is there no physical contact at all?

 

Thanks so much for your reply! I don't know much about his dating history but he did tell me it's been a long time since he dated someone and the last time we met he did say he wants to take things slow. But I feel like if you like someone don't you want to spend time with them when you're free, so I keep thinking by him not spending much time with me that shows the he isn't interested :/

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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You're welcome ;-) hope our views help...

 

Couple of things:

 

If you want to see him more pull back on all that daily texting, if you are texting every day having convos on text there is not chance to miss each other or to want to see each other to find out what's going on with each other.

 

He expressed he wants to take things slow and that is what he is doing, you've already been on 4 dates with him it is more than fine to ask him about his relationship history next time you see him.

 

You forgot to mention if there is any physical contact, kissing etc.

How old is he and you if you don't mind me asking? And what does he tend to do on weekends when you are not together? Has he ever asked you out on weekends?

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LoveRunLust Member

LoveRunLust

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You're welcome ;-) hope our views help...

 

Couple of things:

 

If you want to see him more pull back on all that daily texting, if you are texting every day having convos on text there is not chance to miss each other or to want to see each other to find out what's going on with each other.

 

He expressed he wants to take things slow and that is what he is doing, you've already been on 4 dates with him it is more than fine to ask him about his relationship history next time you see him.

 

You forgot to mention if there is any physical contact, kissing etc.

How old is he and you if you don't mind me asking? And what does he tend to do on weekends when you are not together? Has he ever asked you out on weekends?

 

Thanks for the advice!! Yes we do makeout haha. On weekends he's usually either away for work or helping friends/hanging out with friends. He has only asked to see me on week days after work:/

Edited by LoveRunLust
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Hmmmm how old are you guys?

 

Only wants to see you weekend days? :confused:

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LoveRunLust Member

LoveRunLust

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Hmmmm how old are you guys?

 

Only wants to see you weekend days? :confused:

 

I'm 26 and he's 30. Oops sorry typo! Wants to see me on week days*

leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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Maybe he's got someone else he likes more and she's his "weekend date" and you're his weekday date.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Ya I was thinking maybe he is seeing someone else as well.

 

So if you don't feel comfortable suggesting "let's go out this weekend" just say no next time he asks you out during the week and say "I'm fee Saturday or Friday night instead"

 

If he comes up with some excuse then then I would cut my loses, he either reserves it for being out with friends (partying, bar hopping etc.) or he is seeing someone else. So it sounds like you might not be after the same things.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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He doesn't sound like he is that into you.

 

Sorry.

 

He is 30 - I know that some young and immature guys may not want to spend their weekends with a girl and may be more about partying or hanging out with their mates. Sure.

 

But at 30? I know men around that age who get out of ENGAGEMENTS, DO NOT want to date and yet fall head over heels for the right girl.

 

When a man of that age is excited about a new girl - he tends to want to spend his weekends with her -or at least Fri/Sat night in the very least!

 

There are exceptions; some men are detached, aloof and cold. Those men may need more time along but who wants to date that sort of man unless you, you're self, are detatched aloof and cold?

 

When it comes to emotionally healthy men who process normal degrees of empathy and a healthy range of emotions which they can feel with deptth that is to be expected for a normal man - They DO NOT want to "take it slow" with women they are crazy about.

 

The exception for men who are not cold and aloof who still want to take things "slow", not sleep with you within a month or 2, and still keep weekends for themselves? THe ONLY exception here, aside from " not being that into you" would be: major personal crisis, aka custody battles, crazy exes, and the like. I HAVE seen a guy take it slow with a girl the was super into due to wanting to protect her from his circus of a life but EVEN HE still made sure to lock her down on one day each weekend.

 

Look OP - if this man, a 30 year old man, has no real personal drama going on in his life, and he isn't some sociopath - then he really has NO reason to want to be so slow with things progressing - it sounds like he just isn't falling very hard for you.

 

And that can be okay - the good news is, most people do not fall totally head over heels and feel besotted with a romantic partner - that it's all down to chemistry and let's face it - this is not usually how relationships begin. It is the tiiiiny minority of women who have men who ARE actually super into them at the start.

 

This means that he will possibly grow into you slowly, will likely kiss /be out kissing other women, and will take up to 3 months to finally pick you out of the other candidates. At this stage he will start to want to step things up a notch.

 

For me personally, I hold out for men who are just besotted by my and who are REALLY into me from the beginning. Wanting to spend weekends with his mates rather than me, 2 MONTHS in, would not fly. I need a man to be crazy about me.

 

For what it is worth - my own BF is an EXTREME introvert, was shivering (literally) with nerves initially, and yet managed to incorporated me not his weekends after 3 or 4 weeks of dating; we were long distance. And then there were all the men who were averse to dating and wanted to take things slow with women they did see casually - turn into total mush over the one special girl who entered into their lives at inappropriate times - it sure didn't stop them falling for a girl despite their pre conceived notions of wanting to take it slow!

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I don't think I'd bother trying to keep this alive. It doesn't sound like he is all that interested anyway.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Sounds like you're lower priority than his friends. Time to move on.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Sounds like you're lower priority than his friends. Time to move on.

 

Agreed. The fact that he never initiates and doesn't see you on the weekend... He's not that interested. If he was interested, he would be doing both of those things. You should look for a guy who treats you like more of a priority. Sorry...

OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

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He's not seeing anyone else, you are just a lower priority than his ''me'' time. This is precisely why I don't bother dating, I enjoy my freedom more.

 

It's also possible that you just aren't that interesting to be around.

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