no contact yet after amazing first date

September 10, 2016

So, I haven't been in the dating pool for a long time so bear with me. I got out of a 5 year relationship over a year ago and the last couple of months I dated here and there with little success.

Well, I met this girl online and we met up for drinks and then went to another place to get food, ended up lasting about 6 hours. There was no awkwardness and conversation flowed well. We had a lot in common and we're laughing the whole time. During the last couple hours of the date, she was holding/stroking my hand the entire time and also when I looked away, I would look back and find her just staring at me with this warm smile on her face. She asked me a few times during the date if I wanted to see a play with her sometime and of course I said yes, but it wasn't a definitive plan. I bought dinner and she bought us a few drinks. She offered to give me her sweater a few times because I was cold.

At the end of the night she drove me to my car and then got out of her car to say goodbye and gave me 3 small kisses on the lips and a hug. Like the sweetest. When I got home I texted saying that I hope she got home safe and that I had a nice time. She replied saying she did too, and thanked me for meeting up. All in all, it was what I would imagine to be the perfect date.

But this was almost 3 days ago and I haven't heard anything more from her. I sent her a cute text yesterday of a dog I was looking after, because we had talked about our love of animals and I just wanted to sort of start conversation before I asked her out again. But no reply and it's been 24 hours since I sent it. I feel like a crazy person, like I'm overthinking this, but I'm also like why won't people just text back? Did I read it all wrong? I feel dumb for sending it and tend to always think the worse. I know she's not a huge texter, because leading up to the date it would take her 4 hours to a day to respond but it's sort of driving me crazy. I feel like I should have waited a few days and asked to see her again instead of sending that dumb pic, because now I can't text her again without feeling needy I don't think.

So I guess what I'm asking is, how many days should I give it before I a)send another text or b) just forget it. I don't need to text her at all or have text convos, I'd rather see her, but I just kinda wanted to set up a second date. I've had a couple people ghost me, so I'm naturally hyper paranoid about it and this is where all this comes from, because yes I know I sound crazy. My friend told me I was being a freak. Also, we're both women, so none of this guy behavior or whatever applies here. I just don't know what is normal now days I guess and I'm really trying to be cool about it but fear maybe she isn't as interested as I thought or just thinks my text was stupid.

September 11, 2016

First of all, you sent her a picture of a dog, you didn't ask her anything. How's she supposed to respond to that? Secondly, don't text, call her!!! I've said this before, I'll say it again, texting creates so much confusion in dating. You wonder what a text meant, you wonder if they got the text, they wonder if and how they should respond, etc. Calling someone on the phone gets to the point and there's no room for confusion. Call her on the phone, ask her on a date, say "I'd like to take you out, when are you free?" Or "I'd like to take you out on Friday, are you free?" It's simple. Then don't text her in between the date, texting someone in between the date in the early phases causes the other person to lose attraction to the other person.

September 11, 2016

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with texting the pic. The good thing about texting is that lots of people prefer less words in between days because there's more to discuss when they actually see each other in person again.

Did you do or day anything that she may have been offended by? Is she possibly in the midst of ending another relationship?

Otherwise,just send one follow up text to see if she's ok and if she got the pic . If she is ok and offers no comment about the pic and no response,then I say pull back because that would mean she's either callous,feeling entitled or is seeing someone else.

September 11, 2016

I don't believe I did anything she could be offended by. Her last words to me were a text on my way home thanking me for the evening. I sent the pic the next day because I just thought it was cute and I thought she would too. But I feel kind of stupid about it in hindsight, which I really shouldn't. Like I wasted an opportunity to actually ask her out again.

I'd rather not call, she's busy and I don't know her schedule at all. I am more torn on whether to send an another text tomorrow or something asking if she'd like to see each other again - but I worry about being bothersome is all. I don't know.

September 11, 2016

Ohh, just text her a CONCRETE date plan: event+ location+date/time.

Do it ASAP because she'll move on. Take the lead - most women read the no-invite in 24-48 h after date 1 as lukewarm guy and move on.

If you don't ask her out ASAP - write it off and be more assertive with the next.

I don't believe I did anything she could be offended by. Her last words to me were a text on my way home thanking me for the evening. I sent the pic the next day because I just thought it was cute and I thought she would too. But I feel kind of stupid about it in hindsight, which I really shouldn't. Like I wasted an opportunity to actually ask her out again.
I'd rather not call, she's busy and I don't know her schedule at all. I am more torn on whether to send an another text tomorrow or something asking if she'd like to see each other again - but I worry about being bothersome is all. I don't know.

September 11, 2016

Well here's the thing, we're both women so whose job is it then? I suppose she asked me out first so maybe it's my turn. I have no freaking clue.

September 11, 2016

I don't believe I did anything she could be offended by. Her last words to me were a text on my way home thanking me for the evening. I sent the pic the next day because I just thought it was cute and I thought she would too. But I feel kind of stupid about it in hindsight, which I really shouldn't. Like I wasted an opportunity to actually ask her out again.
I'd rather not call, she's busy and I don't know her schedule at all. I am more torn on whether to send an another text tomorrow or something asking if she'd like to see each other again - but I worry about being bothersome is all. I don't know.

Just keep an open mind and send a text tomorrow seeing if she got the pic and if she'd like to go out again.

She can be aggreeable or not. Know that will keep you indifferent. If you wait and let things fester, your emotions will get stronger especially simce you haven't been dating other people.

Sooner the better so that you can set up the next date or move on to someone who appreciates you.

September 11, 2016

Well here's the thing, we're both women so whose job is it then? I suppose she asked me out first so maybe it's my turn. I have no freaking clue.

If you wanna go out with her, then just ask her out, but do it ASAP or she'll think you're not that into her and she'll find someone else. I still think you should call her and not text her, but if you insist on texting her, text by clearly asking her out. Text her saying "I had a great time with you last Friday night and would love to take you out. Are you free this Friday?" and then leave it there and wait for her to respond.

September 11, 2016

Well here's the thing, we're both women so whose job is it then? I suppose she asked me out first so maybe it's my turn. I have no freaking clue.

Im not sure what the expectations are in same-sex couple (other people in this forum may know though). However, if you want to see her again - just stop worrying which turn is and ask her out on a second date!

September 11, 2016

If you like her, CALL her, don't text. Texting is a passive means of communication. I have a 48 Hour Rule - If I have not heard from the man (even though you are both women in this situation) within the first 24-48 hours, I will not hear from them again. There have been situations where the person has contacted me in the first 48, but it has been a text. That's not a good sign. Because in every situation where I have been sent a text, eventually it tapers off after a few days. And I have usually sent a text in response to something and that person never responds back and ... That's that.

A PHONE CALL is what you want to do. If you get voice mail, clearly state that you would like to see her again, call me back. If they never respond, that's that.

September 11, 2016

If you like her, CALL her, don't text. Texting is a passive means of communication. I have a 48 Hour Rule - If I have not heard from the man (even though you are both women in this situation) within the first 24-48 hours, I will not hear from them again. There have been situations where the person has contacted me in the first 48, but it has been a text. That's not a good sign. Because in every situation where I have been sent a text, eventually it tapers off after a few days. And I have usually sent a text in response to something and that person never responds back and ... That's that.

A PHONE CALL is what you want to do. If you get voice mail, clearly state that you would like to see her again, call me back. If they never respond, that's that.

Agreed!!! I hate getting texts to ask me out on a date. I just nexted a guy that I had a first date with because he asked me out on a second date by text, when I told him from the beginning I didn't like texting.

Making a phone call takes more effort and shows the other person they're important enough to you to make the effort. If you really like this girl, you should call her not text her, but do whatever you wanna do.

September 11, 2016

I don't want to really say I had a nice time because I already did the night of and feel like I'd be repeating myself. I just don't know how to approach it. I guess I really am novice at this.

I feel like nobody really calls much anymore, so I don't know it just adds another level of nervousness to it.

September 11, 2016

Agreed!!! I hate getting texts to ask me out on a date. I just nexted a guy that I had a first date with because he asked me out on a second date by text, when I told him from the beginning I didn't like texting.

Making a phone call takes more effort and shows the other person they're important enough to you to make the effort. If you really like this girl, you should call her not text her, but do whatever you wanna do.

I get that, but I've also had a few people I've dated tell me they prefer text and dislike calls, so it's hard to know. And I'm not really asking whether to call or text, but I appreciate the advice. I just wanted to know if I would come across as needy by contacting her in general after she didn't respond.

September 11, 2016

I get that, but I've also had a few people I've dated tell me they prefer text and dislike calls, so it's hard to know. And I'm not really asking whether to call or text, but I appreciate the advice. I just wanted to know if I would come across as needy by contacting her in general after she didn't respond.

No, I don't think it's needy if you contact her one more time. If you don't hear from her and you blow up her phone, that seems needy, but I don't think it's needy if you contact her one more time and ask her on a date. But the next text, ask her on a date, don't send her a picture or something random, make the next contact asking for a date. And I don't think it looks bad by telling her you had a great time. So what if you already said that, women love hearing nice things.

September 11, 2016

Is it okay to say just like "hey, what are you up to this Tuesday evening"? Or is that too open ended? I have something in mind but I don't know if she'd be interested so kinda just wanna see if she's free.

September 11, 2016

What did you have in mind, is it something you both discussed? She might not free Tuesday, or not into what you suggest.

Just ask her if she would like to get together again sometime this week. If what you had in mind is something you know she'd be into tell her point blank "hey I have tickets to____on Tuesday. Want to go with me?"

September 11, 2016

What did you have in mind, is it something you both discussed? She might not free Tuesday, or not into what you suggest.

Just ask her if she would like to get together again sometime this week. If what you had in mind is something you know she'd be into tell her point blank "hey I have tickets to____on Tuesday. Want to go with me?"

I barely know her. It was just a showing of an 80s halloween movie at a local brewery. We have similar interests and watch a lot of the same genre, but I don't know for sure. That sounds like a better plan. I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow to ask anything. Our date was on Thursday, but I just said something yesterday, so trying to give it a bit of space. I don't know. Thanks everyone.

September 11, 2016

That sounds cool! I'd go. hahah

Just tell her what it is and ask if she wants to go. That sounds fun, plus I don't know what that girl in particular is like but a lot of us love it when a guy has already thought of a plan based on something that was said in passing we enjoy.

September 16, 2016

So, a little update. She got back to me the next day, I guess she had gone camping and she replied with a very positive response. Finally after a little chatting, I got the courage to ask her out for a second date. Well, I totally got rejected. She wrote me two long paragraphs telling me that she thought I was so wonderful and had an amazing time but that she had some concerns. She then went on to say how she felt I wanted something serious and she does too, eventually, but is not ready for that. She said she respected my values and needs and doesn't want to run into trouble later down the line. I'm actually not looking for anything serious and I even if I was I feel she sort of jumped the gun a little - because it was just one date. I wasn't even thinking that far ahead.

Anyway, I have no idea how she got that impression but I replied explains to her that yes, I do eventually, but I was just having fun and enjoyed her company and that I was sorry if I have her that impression.

Then she replies, "oh well the was the impression I got, but that's good to know! And also added "but I also felt our lifestyles aren't in line with each other, but you're so awesome and I had such a good time."

I played it cool and said "yeah, I did too. I think you're great. But no worries."

I feel really just like defeated and confused over this because in my eyes the date was probably one of the best I ever had. She was the one who kept extending it to well over 6 hours, paid for everything, held my hand for 3 hrs, kissed me, etc.

It's just like I'm ready to give up on dating. I obviously don't know how to read people and I feel like such an idiot really.

Is this like a normal thing people do? Like I feel she made it way too serious before it even had to be? I must have said something that scared her, but I was completely sober, I remember everything and she seemed to really be having a good time - especially the fact that she was grinning/staring at me and stroking my hand for hours.

It was just a silly date, I'll get over it but gosh. On to the next I guess!

September 16, 2016

I feel really just like defeated and confused over this because in my eyes the date was probably one of the best I ever had. She was the one who kept extending it to well over 6 hours, paid for everything, held my hand for 3 hrs, kissed me, etc.

So she basically took on the male role while you passively sat back and let her.

Unless she's one of those really aggressive women who eat a bowl of nails for breakfast every morning, she was more than likely turned off by this.

Next time you go on a date, don't sit back and let the woman have to take over. Women want confident men.

September 16, 2016

To be honest that last response sounds like she is fishing for any excuse not to date you again. Why? Who knows it most likely is not any of the things she is using to blow you off. She just doesn't want to go out with you and that's all it is.

September 16, 2016

They are both women, OP specified.

So she basically took on the male role while you passively sat back and let her.

Unless she's one of those really aggressive women who eat a bowl of nails for breakfast every morning, she was more than likely turned off by this.

Next time you go on a date, don't sit back and let the woman have to take over. Women want confident men.

September 16, 2016

OP it happens. Some people enjoy the play and are very good at it. She sounds like one of them.

I had the best 2 dates of my life with a guy that afterwards just faded. It was 2 dates 8 hours each, super affectionate, kissing and holding hands for hours... And then he dropped from earth just to tell me a week later he met an old flame and doesn't want to string me along (I'm sure an excuse, like your girl).

September 16, 2016

So she basically took on the male role while you passively sat back and let her.

Unless she's one of those really aggressive women who eat a bowl of nails for breakfast every morning, she was more than likely turned off by this.

Next time you go on a date, don't sit back and let the woman have to take over. Women want confident men.

To be fair, I offered to pay for almost everything but she wouldn't let me. And the hand holding thing was a mutual thing that just happened as the night progressed. And I'm a WOMAN. I highly doubt any of that put her off.

It is what it is. I was just a little confused is all, especially by the lifestyle comment - since we both go to school, live on our own, work and bonded over many similar interests. So yes, I feel she is just making excuses but it's weird in my opinion to write so many long paragraphs to me after we just met. I'd rather someone just be frank.

But thanks for your opinions

September 16, 2016

OP it happens. Some people enjoy the play and are very good at it. She sounds like one of them.

I had the best 2 dates of my life with a guy that afterwards just faded. It was 2 dates 8 hours each, super affectionate, kissing and holding hands for hours... And then he dropped from earth just to tell me a week later he met an old flame and doesn't want to string me along (I'm sure an excuse, like your girl).

Good to know I'm not alone in this. I have a feeling something else is the reason but whatever it is, I suppose it doesn't matter now!

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no contact yet after amazing first date

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