NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 So last month I was chatting through text on online dating with some woman that I really liked. But for a few reasons which were my own fault we never actually met up & then we just stopped talking. I just still find myself thinking about it her & it's been a month now since we last talked. I know I could never message her again now since she's definitely moved on since I haven't heard from her since. But is it weird to still be thinking about someone I never even met? There's some days that I hardly think about her, but like today I find myself thinking about her a lot. I just don't even know why due to us never even meeting. Do you find that weird at all?
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 No I don't think it's weird. It's an emotional bonding that happens online and with texting. If you want to be in touch with her you could text. Don't expect a reply but there is no harm in trying, unless you feel she wasn't really interested in the first place.
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 (edited) No I don't think it's weird. It's an emotional bonding that happens online and with texting. If you want to be in touch with her you could text. Don't expect a reply but there is no harm in trying, unless you feel she wasn't really interested in the first place. No, she was definitely interested. But I feel I can't message her now due to knowing she pretty much has moved on since we haven't talked at all since last month. I just feel out of everyone I've ever chatted with through online dating I connected with her the most since the conversations always flowed so naturally & I found her to be really attractive too. I guess I just have to find a way to move on completely & to stop thinking about her since I know I'll never hear from her again. Edited September 10, 2016 by NJ123
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 It's up to you. Are you going to regret not trying to contact her?
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 It's up to you. Are you going to regret not trying to contact her? I honestly don't even know. I'm just confused to be honest. Her interest in me is pretty much non existent I would assume since she never bothered to contact me since we last chatted about 4 weeks ago. Wouldn't she have contacted me by now if she still had interest?
katiegrl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I honestly don't even know. I'm just confused to be honest. Her interest in me is pretty much non existent I would assume since she never bothered to contact me since we last chatted about 4 weeks ago. ---- **Wouldn't she have contacted me by now if she still had interest? Wouldn't YOU have contacted her if you still had interest? It goes both ways and she may be thinking the same thing about you. Why did you never meet her? And who stopped texting who .... or did it just sort of fade out because she knew or thought you would never meet? We need more details.
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 Wouldn't YOU have contacted her if you still had interest? It goes both ways and she may be thinking the same thing about you. Why did you never meet her? And who stopped texting who .... or did it just sort of fade out because she knew or thought you would never meet? We need more details. Yeah, due to my anxiety about something, the conversation pretty much faded out about the meeting up when she thought we'd never meet. So that's why I feel like she has moved on.
katiegrl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Yeah, due to my anxiety about something, the conversation pretty much faded out about the meeting up when she thought we'd never meet. So that's why I feel like she has moved on. Well that's understandable.....what woman would want to continue texting with a guy who she thinks doesn't want to meet her? None that I know of. Why not text her and suggest you meet for coffee or a drink or something? She may still be thinking of you too, but again figured why continue texting with a guy who makes no effort to meet?
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 Well that's understandable.....what woman would want to continue texting with a guy who she thinks doesn't want to meet her? None that I know of. Why not text her and suggest you meet for coffee or a drink or something? She may still be thinking of you too, but again figured why continue texting with a guy who makes no effort to meet? What makes you think she would still be thinking about me though? I just had the feeling that she moved on completely right away. If it was you in the same situation, would you still be thinking of him?
katiegrl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 What makes you think she would still be thinking about me though? I just had the feeling that she moved on completely right away. If it was you in the same situation, would you still be thinking of him? If we had made a connection, then yes I would. I don't emotionally connect with people (men) that easily so when I do, I can't just shut that off. BUT if I felt he was only wanting a pen pal and there was no chance of meeting, I would do the same thing she did, and have. You didn't answer my question though, why didn't you want to meet her? You said anxiety, I don't understand, anxiety to meet her for a drink? Do you have commitment issues? Only prefer on line connections? This isn't making any sense. Text her and suggest you meet for a drink. What is preventing you from doing that? If she has moved on, so be it but you will never know until you ask. As I said, it is quite likely she still thinks about you too but thinks YOU have moved on. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Nah. Age old problem, nothing new to human behavior. :-)
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 If we had made a connection, then yes I would. I don't emotionally connect with people (men) that easily so when I do, I can't just shut that off. BUT if I felt he was only wanting a pen pal and there was no chance of meeting, I would do the same thing she did, and have. You didn't answer my question though, why didn't you want to meet her? You said anxiety, I don't understand, anxiety to meet her for a drink? Do you have commitment issues? Only prefer on line connections? This isn't making any sense. Text her and suggest you meet for a drink. What is preventing you from doing that? If she has moved on, so be it but you will never know until you ask. As I said, it is quite likely she still thinks about you too but thinks YOU have moved on. I think it's possible I connected more with her than she did me though. I'm not sure on that. And basically what it came down to as ridiculous as it sounds is that neither of us could agree on a place to meet. Neither of us were familiar with the others area so nothing happened. But people on here were saying I needed to go to near where she lived on a first date since it's a complete turn off the other way around. And I just don't know if she's still thinking about me. I doubt it since she told me through conversation that she went out on a lot of dates the past year. So it's likely she forgot about me fairly quick is what I was thinking after we stopped talking.
LD1990 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 What exactly have you got to lose by asking her out? Pick a place around where she lives and ask if she wants to go there with you. Maybe she says yes and you two end up having a great time. Worst case scenario some woman you've never met said no to a date with you. Big deal.
Philosopher Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I don't think it is weird. I think it is pretty normal to wonder what would have happened if you had dated her. However I do think it is best to move on from her and to try not to think about her. There are plenty more women you could be dating that will help you forget about her.
katiegrl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 (edited) I think it's possible I connected more with her than she did me though. I'm not sure on that. And basically what it came down to as ridiculous as it sounds is that neither of us could agree on a place to meet. Neither of us were familiar with the others area so nothing happened. But people on here were saying I needed to go to near where she lived on a first date since it's a complete turn off the other way around. And I just don't know if she's still thinking about me. I doubt it since she told me through conversation that she went out on a lot of dates the past year. So it's likely she forgot about me fairly quick is what I was thinking after we stopped talking. Oh I think I remember your thread... about having anxiety when driving in unfamiliar areas? Did you tell her that cuz that may have just turned her off, or if she thought you were making excuses cuz you wanted her to drive to you.... Just speculation though I don't know. Sorry to hear about the anxiety, that's tough... have you sought help to overcome that? In the meantime, could you have taken public transportation? Or does that stress you too? I am not familiar with that particular type of anxiety. In any event, to answer your question, no it is not weird to still be thinking of her, not at all! As long as you are not obsessing about it, occasional thoughts about her are fine and even good! It indicates you have feelings (I know ugh...lol) and that you are human. You developed an emotional connection with her which you still think of fondly, it's all good! If you absolutely are dead set against contacting her, your thoughts will fade in time. Edited September 10, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 Oh I think I remember your thread... about having anxiety when driving in unfamiliar areas? Did you tell her that cuz that may have just turned her off, or if she thought you were making excuses cuz you wanted her to drive to you.... Just speculation though I don't know. Sorry to hear about the anxiety, that's tough... have you sought help to overcome that? In the meantime, could you have taken public transportation? Or does that stress you too? I am not familiar with that particular type of anxiety. In any event, to answer your question, no it is not weird to still be thinking of her, not at all! As long as you are not obsessing about it, occasional thoughts about her are fine and even good! It indicates you have feelings (I know ugh...lol) and that you are human. You developed an emotional connection with her which you still think of fondly, it's all good! If you absolutely are dead set against contacting her, your feelings will fade in time. I'm mixed on whether I want to contact her again. As you said I think it really turned her off unfortunately. In the other thread they said most women would be turned off by it which is likely. She's by far the woman I liked the most that I've talked to through online dating though. We had a good amount of common interests & as I said the conversations we had were really good & flowed great. She was even the one that suggested we should meet & joked that it should be me that should ask such questions. Her interest was really high & she even looked up things for me at her job related to health issues I have without me even asking her to. I just feel I ruined it with her due to my anxieties.
katiegrl Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I'm mixed on whether I want to contact her again. As you said I think it really turned her off unfortunately. In the other thread they said most women would be turned off by it which is likely. She's by far the woman I liked the most that I've talked to through online dating though. We had a good amount of common interests & as I said the conversations we had were really good & flowed great. She was even the one that suggested we should meet & joked that it should be me that should ask such questions. Her interest was really high & she even looked up things for me at her job related to health issues I have without me even asking her to. --- ***I just feel I ruined it with her due to my anxieties. I will be honest and say yes that is a strong possibility. So now it's time to get help for those anxieties don't you think? So this doesn't happen again? What is stopping you from reaching out and getting help? Even without the dating, as you move forward in life, you will need to venture out of your area... you can't stay cooped up in your own familiar area for the rest of your life, that's just not realistic. What about public transportation does that stress you too?
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