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Should I follow my heart or my mind?


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Posted

I am in a relationship with a guy for 6 months, we both love each other so much. He is loyal, sweet, sincere, compassionate and always try to give me the best that he can. There are only two things between us that makes me confused are:

 

1. He is careless and indecisive — which makes me feel like I were his Mom, not his girlfriend. I tell him about this every time, he understood and told me that he will improve, but it still happens (because that’s his characteristics and I know it’s hard to change); my life sometimes gets crazy because of his careless. I love him but I don’t want my future kids to have a careless future Dad, I want the best for my future kids.

 

2. He is currently broke. We are from two different backgrounds. He is from a poor family and even though he got a job with salary but not much. He even doesnot have enough money for his own meals. We already had two trips together, and I were the one who paid 90% for the expense. He knew that I don’t have much money too and he promised to treat me better when he has more money. I understand that he is in his hard time and I am waiting for a more succesful future of him in future. But does it worth? Am I stupid when I did that?

 

I really need your insights and advice on this. Should I continue holding on this kind of relationship? We are still young, what if we stop for a while and continue when it comes to a right time? Still, somehow, I don’t want to lose him because I know we love each other with all our hearts and his love is the love that I ever dream to have.

 

Thank you in advance!

Posted

Sounds like he's a man child. I dated one of those, and they never grow up. If you're fine being in a parent-child relationship, then by all means, stay with him. If you're not, then you should leave, because he'll never grow up. The way I see it is if I really wanted a son, I'd go get myself pregnant and raise him from birth, not from adulthood!

Posted

Why are you taking trips with him if he can't afford to travel?

 

I guess my question would be, does he have goals for the future? For example, is he working toward going to school or getting a better paying job?

 

Both problems would be big problems for me. I'm really not interested in being someone's mother, particularly not when children come along... I don't want "another child."

 

You are young, so it's possible that you could start with nothing and grow together. It's also possible that you may not grow together. The people you are at 20 will not necessarily be the people you are at 40 - hopefully! Don't settle down too quickly is what I'm saying... You have a lot of growing to do still.

Posted

He is careless and indecisive

He is currently broke.

 

Is this the man you'd wish for your daughter? mom? sister?

 

Careless and broke never gets better.

 

6 months in is enough to determine this is not a good candidate for long term.

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Posted

I mean, you can date guys like this when you're very young, but once you are looking for a husband or someone to be the father of your children, he is not up to the task.

 

Also I would caution you that if you have taken a mom role with him, your sex life is likely to suffer because there is nothing less sexy than someone who's mothering you and telling you what to do, and that goes both ways. How you can find him attractive when you're having to treat him like a little boy is beyond me. You are wasting time with him, particularly placing yourself in a position to have to monitor what he does. Now, if you were just casually dating, not trying to build a future, not trying to live together, not planning anything but the next good time, then go for it, but don't keep him and don't waste your time trying to domesticate him.

  • Like 2
Posted

If he was a man of integrity, he would never accept you paying 90% of the expenses. He would have offered to do something within his means and pay his half...even work a part time job or offer to work over time for extra cash.

 

Girl this guy is a scrub. Growing up poor is NOT an excuse. You are wasting your time. Find a man that has something to show for his ambition to get ahead in life, not talk about it. Talk is cheap.

  • Like 2
Posted

Not a husband potential. Nothing wrong to come from a modest family, but he seems to have no ambition, also how can he not pay for his own meal if he at least has a job? Having a profession be that the high-school janitor provide someone food at least.

 

Being careless is red flag #2, he doesn't care about you, he may be a decent guy, just not someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

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