luvflower Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Hey LS. Yesterday I had my 2nd date with this guy I'm getting to know. We've both made it clear we find each other attractive and enjoy being around each other. However, he talks a lot...like, a lot-a lot... The dates were not bad at all. He just talked a lot where at times I felt like I couldn't get a word in edgewise without feeling like I was interrupting his flow. Last night's date seemed better though in terms of the equity in voice.---- After the first date he texted me, thanking me for listening to him. Last night he told me he didn't think I would see him again because he didn't think I was happy with the first date due to a joke I made about him talking...i.e.,After he thanked me for listening to him on that first date (which lead me to believe he knew how much he talked), I said, "No problem at all. I enjoyed listening. Next time, I'm going to put you on a timer...).....lol, that's my sense of humor..... I didn't think he'd take it wrong. He didn't look upset while he was telling me how he felt, but i assured him while touching him on his arm that i didn't mean anything negative, i was only joking. He smiled as we talked about that piece and be seemed to be ok after that, I guess. Guys, would you be offended by that comment about the "timer"? Anyhoo, yesterday he didn't talk as much, but he fidgeted more, perhaps to compensate. And he seemed to ask me more questions when my body language appeared to be distracted, e.g. if I glanced away, checked my phone, etc. So he talked less and asked me more questions, including about our previous date. After we left out of the restaurant he stopped walking, leaned against his car and lingered to talk more as if he wasn't ready to leave. I was glad because I wasn't either. So we stood outside the restaurant talking a bit. All very nice. Then he reached and gave me this nice tight hug....but still we haven't kissed yet. Not sure what all this means, if anything. So this time "I "texted "him" ,thanking him for a nice evening . He replied ," you're more than welcome. I always enjoy our talks." I didnt reply after that...... Is he only enjoying the talking? What's the deal? I haven't brought this up to him,nor do I feel inclined to. But I'm wondering should i have responded to that last text and is his main focus with me just to have someone to talk to..??? Thanks for your feedback.
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 He knows he talks a lot, and from what I gather he had very few second dates because of it....call it nervousness. He listened and made the effort to make it about you and not him. He didn't kiss you because he is insecure, probably never had much luck, and didn't want to scare you away. Ask him out for a third date and give him a kiss......he really wants this to work. 8
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 He knows he talks a lot, and from what I gather he had very few second dates because of it....call it nervousness. He listened and made the effort to make it about you and not him. He didn't kiss you because he is insecure, probably never had much luck, and didn't want to scare you away. Ask him out for a third date and give him a kiss......he really wants this to work. Yeah. He may be the nervous type. I know some people who are like this. Just the fact he was more aware and talked less, questioned more, is a good sign. 3
Author luvflower Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 Hmmm,ok .thanks guys. I'm nervous about initiating our first kiss... I'm not used to initiating much of anything with dates. Plus he's so much taller than me, I would have to ask him to bend down..."come hither...". I'll think about it....
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 He is waiting for you to give him some kind of signal...you need to make it obvious because guys are clueless sometimes. 2
Author luvflower Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 He is waiting for you to give him some kind of signal...you need to make it obvious because guys are clueless sometimes. Oh boy... I think you're right. Most men assume I'm pretty nonchalant anyway. So you're probably spot on about this guy.
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 He sounds nervous to me too. I've certainly been out with guys who have dominated the conversation because they were nervous. And, others who have hardly spoken. And, others who dominated the conversation because they were really that obnoxious. It takes time to get a good sense of who someone really is. There is so much expectation on these first few dates. And often, people can do silly things when they are nervous because they want things to go well. Give him a chance... A little more time for the kiss. You've given him some good feedback in a really nice, playful way. He might be a little unsure because of the feedback... But, in time I'm sure he will relax and take that next step if you keep sending encouraging signals. Good luck to you!
Author luvflower Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 He sounds nervous to me too. I've certainly been out with guys who have dominated the conversation because they were nervous. And, others who have hardly spoken. And, others who dominated the conversation because they were really that obnoxious. It takes time to get a good sense of who someone really is. There is so much expectation on these first few dates. And often, people can do silly things when they are nervous because they want things to go well. Give him a chance... A little more time for the kiss. You've given him some good feedback in a really nice, playful way. He might be a little unsure because of the feedback... But, in time I'm sure he will relax and take that next step if you keep sending encouraging signals. Good luck to you! Thanks baileyb...
muse08 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Interesting. Sounds like he's trying to impress. The fact that he talked less the 2nd time is a plus and he lingered afterward to talk more outside, is a plus as well...im sure you can see that. Are you attracted to him platonically and/or physically?
surferchic Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 I copied your response by mistake,but give him a chance...
Author luvflower Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 Thanks muse. I am attracted to him in both regards. He's been kind from the day I met him. We realized,a little while ago that I know a few of his close relatives and that gave us something to talk about sometimes along with other topics. He's very handsome in my opinion. We've both let each other know that we're attracted to each other. I was surprised the day that he asked me out because we met on business. Yes,I'm VERY much attracted to him to the point I get excited just thinking about him and anticipating or first kiss...lol. (I feel like a teenager making that comment,but it's true.)
Author luvflower Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 He knows he talks a lot, and from what I gather he had very few second dates because of it....call it nervousness. He listened and made the effort to make it about you and not him. He didn't kiss you because he is insecure, probably never had much luck, and didn't want to scare you away. Ask him out for a third date and give him a kiss......he really wants this to work. You made some valid points. However, I think hes had luck regarding women. I actually feel like he's used to women being the aggressor. I am not, nor do I plan to be. I'll try to be open though.,to learning more about him.
muse08 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Sometimes we women have to put ourselves out there a little bit more,IF think the guy is worth it. By worth it,I'm speaking about his character, his intentions, his actions,baggage that you're unable to be connected with and of course chemistry. So basically these early stages are crucial to pay attention to details. Details that help you decide in which capacity you want this man to be apart of your life. I'm sure he's doing his informal assessment as well.
Author luvflower Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 True. I feel like making contact with him today but I'm thinking I should wait a few days....
surferchic Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Do what your heart tells you and don't think too hard.
Author luvflower Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 I've decided to wait a few days to give us some space and I'll see if I still feel like contacting him...sooner than later.
tolduso05 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Hello luvflower. I think you should see him again. He sounds sincere and eager to please. The kiss will come,I'm sure. Guys I've known who move slow tend to yield pleasant surprises.
Author luvflower Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Hello luvflower. I think you should see him again. He sounds sincere and eager to please. The kiss will come,I'm sure. Guys I've known who move slow tend to yield pleasant surprises. Thanks tolduso. I'd love to see him again. I reflect a lot and as I do, i remember little things like as he walked back to his car he said, "hopefully it won't be as long next time before we see each other again".
BaileyB Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 That's lovely... He sounds sweet! Give him some more time...
tolduso05 Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Ok, waiting is your prerogative. And nothing wrong with that. Just try finding a balance in wait time vs. action.
joseb Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 OP, have you done much to indicate you are interested? So far, mostly what I'm seeing is you talking about putting him on a timer, glancing around and looking at your phone...all signs that you are not interested. Regarding the kiss, just because you think in your head you want to kiss him doesn't mean he knows that...you need to give pretty clear signals or else initiate yourself. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I agree with Joseb and I think you're going to lose the opportunity to get to know this one if you don't act pretty quick. And my goodness you have a fantastically playful opportunity when he is talking too much just to stop him by kissing him! I think you need to woman up! 1
Author luvflower Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 OP, have you done much to indicate you are interested? So far, mostly what I'm seeing is you talking about putting him on a timer, glancing around and looking at your phone...all signs that you are not interested. Regarding the kiss, just because you think in your head you want to kiss him doesn't mean he knows that...you need to give pretty clear signals or else initiate yourself. Hey joseb. Well I THINK I have indicated I'm interested. He initiated lots of flirts and our first date. But i initiated or 2nd date. As far as glancing at my phone,honestly I did that because he seemed to do more of that since he talked less. I almost felt like he was doing it deliberately for some strange reason. Funny thing is,as soon as i would glance at my ohone he would try to say something else rather than allowing me to just glance at my phone...? Sometimes i feel clueless. I dont want men to keep thinking I dont care or that I'm totally nonchalant . I just know how to coddle a man. I know how to stroke the ego sometimes, but sometimes i really feel like a little girl or something and I'm 39!!...smh. However,in my own defense and to your point Joseb, in my mind and in these moments I actually feel like I'm a warm caring gal. I'm working on making my actions reflect my inner thoughts, especially when I have a true interest in a particular man. Feedback is welcome.
Author luvflower Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 I think you need to woman up! Lol...funny and you may be right... How about texting him today? Should I,just to say hello and hope his week is going well. Or should i just wait. To be honest, I feel like he may be used to women chasing him and I want to be different. He's a business owner,very attractive and I feel like he may have other females in his radar. Maybe I'm a bit insecure..i don't know. Yes,I'm attractive,have a decent job and several talents,etc... if I might say so myself. Still....I know how men can be especially when they're single and attractive. They often times EXPECT women to chase them. Then again since I've known him,he hasn't given off a arrogant vibe,except for the last part of our date while we were talking about relationships. He was making complaints about women who he have a sense of"entitlement",or who drowns on him for EVERYTHING or who take him for granted. He was telling me how he appreciated me being independent but still a lady. I've never had to pay for a anything on a date before. However, if the guy had been putting out a bit,I'll offer to at least help. They never let me help unless I insist. Even thats pretty rare. Anyhoo,i offered to help this current guy when the check, but he of course wouldn't let me. So he paid attention to me bring considerate. And I am a considerate woman. I may not always know how to display my true heart felt emotions but I'm not materialistic and I don't use men. So im sure money isn't an issue for this guy,but I want him to know that I don't take him for granted...because I don't... I'm just a bit shy myself sometimes,but I give of this confident aura. I know I've asked a few questions in this post,but if I could get some feedback I'd truly appreciate it. I really like this guy... Sincerely, Luvflower
tolduso05 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Go with your gut. Sounds like he's just being honest with you and he doesn't want women to take him for granted. In my experience guys who complain the most will do almost anything for you. Hes probably been taken advantage of a few times and is very guarded. You said he's a business owner. I'm sure females have tried to at least test the waters to see what they could get out of him mainly because they know he may have money....that is, if his business is even halfway successful. Go with your gut. And remember to get something you've never had. You gotta do something you've never done. Sounds like you've never really put yourself "out there" enough to even get hurt...
Recommended Posts