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Really Stressed- call the guy I'm dating for comfort or just wait it out?

ThisisIt606

By ThisisIt606
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ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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I've been dating this guy about a month. I've had a very stressful shift schedule lately with overnights at work and still going into work during regular hours, also catching up on sleep during the day.

 

I'm on a shift now and had a lot of anxiety about it since early this AM. My morning project didn't go well as I couldn't get in touch with the right people.

 

The last time I was so sleep deprived I just came home and cried. My guy texted me "aww I just saw your snap story" ( I snapped about my long/hard day). I called him instead of texting him back. We chatted for a bit about our days. I told him I was so overwhelmed I ended up crying at home he responded "awww, if you told me I would have come over". He also told me to "call me if you feel like that tomorrow".

 

It's actually a few days past that, but I'm on a shift now and am quite stressed and would like to talk to him. We have plans for tomorrow (we just need to set a time)

 

I know he had a long day yesterday as he was getting a procedure done which left him pretty sore.

 

I sent him a text this AM "such a stressful shift already :( are you up?" he didn't respond yet. (Most likely sleeping/ recovering from yesterday)

 

Should I wait for him to text me back? Or should I just go ahead and call him at an hour when I think he should be up? I would just really like to talk to him and also confirm the time for tomorrow. Knowing I'll be seeing him is helping me get through this day.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Is the same man as in your last thread?

 

Whether you've been dating 1 month or 1 year remember: One text is enough. He got it. When he wakes up or looks at his phone he'll see it. He doesn't need 2-3-4 text to see you texted him. If he doesn't reply it's because he willingly and voluntarily do not reply.

  • Like 5
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Learn to cope with your stress in other ways. You can't become so dependent on someone especially after knowing them for only a month. Its going to grate on the relationship and it's going to cripple you if and when that person isn't around anymore. How did you cope before you met him?

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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It sounds like you need to find another job.

 

A job that negatively influences your health and wellbeing is one you should leave as soon as you can.

 

 

Take care.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Yeah. You need to learn to cope with daily stresses on your own. He may be willing to listen right now but trust me, a couple of weeks of this and he will be looking for a FUN girlfriend. Don't impose little daily stresses on people any more than you have to to let them know how tight your schedule is.

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ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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Posted (edited)

I am fun the majority of the time, it has just been a few isolated days. We had a good text convo yesterday and last night. We were both joking around, exchanging pictures and snaps. I told him I had a full day saturday but we could get together sunday as we're both free and he should be feeling better by then. I said I could go to him sunday if it's easier (due to his procedure) but he said he'd come to me.

 

I haven't said anything in addition to my first text today about stressing out and I'm not going to.. Just going to wait it out and see what he says

 

 

Also to clarify, I don't depend on him for stress relief. He's a guy that I like so it would be nice to talk to him. I only even considered calling be he told me to/said it would be OK/volunteered that on his own.

Edited by ThisisIt606
  • Like 2
sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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I question why your health isn't considered a priority over this guy.

 

Overnight shifts are really hard on the body. Very, very stressful on it. Messes up a great many things, not just your circadian rhythms.

 

Try to get another shift or find something else that makes you happier. Then, you'll be less stressed.

 

And hopefully, you'll also be healthier--which means you'll attract a healthier relationship.

 

Take care.

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ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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He responded saying he slept in.

 

I said nice, was going to take go for a jog but the weather isn't too great now! What time works for you to come tomorrow?

 

After a few hours he responded "would you like it? Are you sure you have the entire day off ;) you've been working a lot lately"

 

 

I responded " yup entire day. I need a break, looking forward to one tomorrow. Does x time work for you?"

 

^ I definitely am free all day and looking forward to seeing him. Does he not believe me/ anxious I have to work ( I was originally working Sunday but got my days switched. No longer working Sunday)

 

Or does it seem like he doesn't want to see me?

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
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He responded saying he slept in.

 

I said nice, was going to take go for a jog but the weather isn't too great now! What time works for you to come tomorrow?

 

After a few hours he responded "would you like it? Are you sure you have the entire day off ;) you've been working a lot lately"

 

 

I responded " yup entire day. I need a break, looking forward to one tomorrow. Does x time work for you?"

 

^ I definitely am free all day and looking forward to seeing him. Does he not believe me/ anxious I have to work ( I was originally working Sunday but got my days switched. No longer working Sunday)

 

Or does it seem like he doesn't want to see me?

 

No hun, he is losing interest. Probably thinks you are too needy burdening him with all your anxiety and stress.

 

Way WAY too early for all that.

 

A man is looking to be a woman's MAN, not her therapist.

 

Lesson learned for next time.

 

.

  • Like 2
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ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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Posted (edited)

Nvm false alarm, we talked and he's coming. He sounded fine/ unphased. Just talked about his healing process mostly from his procedure and wanted to know how my shifts were going . But I told him that's too much for now, we can just relax tomorrow

 

 

Also today I never told him anything about my day ( left the emotions for a call with my mother). So he has no idea how stressed I've actually been. All he knows is I've put in a lot of hours

Edited by ThisisIt606
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
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Nvm false alarm, we talked and he's coming. He sounded fine/ unphased. Just talked about his healing process mostly from his procedure and wanted to know how my shifts were going . But I told him that's too much for now, we can just relax tomorrow

 

 

Also today I never told him anything about my day ( left the emotions for a call with my mother). So he has no idea how stressed I've actually been. All he knows is I've put in a lot of hours

 

Okay good. :)

 

Going forward, deal with anxieties on your own or with friends, or therapist. At least for awhile. Basing this on your original post.

 

Later on once committed, you can start leaning on him more.

 

Good luck and have fun!

  • Like 1
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ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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Okay good. :)

 

Going forward, deal with anxieties on your own or with friends, or therapist. At least for awhile. Basing this on your original post.

 

Later on once committed, you can start leaning on him more.

 

Good luck and have fun!

 

Yes, agreed katiegrl. My best friend and mother sure do get an earful of my anxieties! If things work out with him, I slowly introduce him to my " anxious world". Perhaps even look into some anti anxiety meds if not therapy

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

Call him!

 

But be sensitive to his discomfort of his procedure. He may/may not be in pain or sleepy and you should ask about this first.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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OP, are you a nurse by any chance? If so, I know for a fact how stressful that can be!

 

I used to suffer from bad anxiety too.

 

Now I run, do yoga and pilates and eat healthy (try to).....really helps!

 

I try to not unload on loved ones though, it gets old.

 

Best to seek help through a therapist... or the ways I have, although I still have a therapist I see from time to time.

 

Stay away from meds if you can, they will screw you up worse!

menyou Established Member

menyou

Posted
Posted

Wait, what? I'm sorry, but there is NO need to write someone off so quickly as to losing interest because of "anxiety" at work?! This is life? Are people so shallow? Geez!!!

leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
No hun, he is losing interest. Probably thinks you are too needy burdening him with all your anxiety and stress.

 

Way WAY too early for all that.

 

A man is looking to be a woman's MAN, not her therapist.

 

Lesson learned for next time.

 

.

 

Agreed! Emotional support is what girlfriends and family members are for. If they're not any help, then get a therapist. If you dump stuff on your boyfriend all the time, it'll wear him out and he'll bail.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Wait, what? I'm sorry, but there is NO need to write someone off so quickly as to losing interest because of "anxiety" at work?! This is life? Are people so shallow? Geez!!!

 

No but burdening him/her with your neuroses because of it is often a big turn off to the other person in the early stages of dating.

 

If it's not a turn off for you, more power to ya!

 

Some men and women enjoy that *savior* role too, but that's another discussion.

  • Like 1
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted
Wait, what? I'm sorry, but there is NO need to write someone off so quickly as to losing interest because of "anxiety" at work?! This is life? Are people so shallow? Geez!!!

 

Agreed.

 

But they have only known each other for a month it's too much to be complaining every day about work to someone and to feel like the only salvaging joy in your life is to see the person you are dating, that is TOO much pressure on one person. If they had been together for a year where the other person can appreciate how much fun and "light you can be" then at least they have a point of reference and see that it will be a passing state you are in.

 

But when you are burdening someone you are romantically interested in this early on they will start to think you are just a Debbie Downer and do run the risk of turning the off.

 

Katie is right, find a way to destress so that you can be fun and energized for your man.

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