Haven't heard from him after our first date

[mortensorchid]

Remember the 48 Hour Rule : If you have not heard from him within the first 24-48 hours after the first encounter, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. He may call you a few days or a week or so later, you may have a second get together with him 10% of the time, but you will not have a third nor will you hear from him again after that. He doesn't really care if you say yes to the second encounter or not ultimately. That means he kind of liked you, but he's not excited about it.

 

Too harsh? No. Putting pressure on the man to act? Absolutely not. A man who likes a woman cannot wait to contact her again. If he doesn't, he doesn't care to see you again. He was just bored or wanted something to do that evening and was looking for someone to do something with. Experience has taught me this.

 

And do you want to be with someone who is not that into you? The answer is no, you don't. Move on. There are others out there.

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

I guess I was reading your posts wrong. It sounded like you, Dis and leogirl were saying don't ever contact a guy first, not even to thank him the next day.

 

Always always let him come to you first.

 

So was confused about that, tnx for clarifying!

 

As far as I am concerned, nah that's stupid. If you want to let him know that you really enjoyed yourself and the date went great why would you hold back from expressing that? I say what I feel, and if he beats me to the punch then I was going to anyway. I wouldn't text him to ask him out again though.

 

Like you, I have the feminine energy and enjoy his masculine energy (cat and mouse game) turns me on too.

[Leigh 87]

I have done a few social experiments myself.

 

I had a guy totally into me - soon turn off when I took charge more than he did.

 

He always got in contact with me - and this would have built attraction and we would have likely dated - had it not been for me taking charge too often with the messages ( initiating and too long ones and too serious too fast, etc).

 

I then wanted to experiment. Turns out, no man likes an overs zealous bunny boiler type of woman - it is inbuilt for men to want to take charge when it comes to courting.

 

Trust me - these men WERE very much into me prior to my little "experiments" (aside from the first guy where I actually scared him off/put him off without meaning to)

 

With the current guy, I texted him "it was nice to meet you" after we first met.... What saved me was the fact he was about to CALL ME just prior to my text! So our interest levels matched up and that one " girl initiate first" text went undetected, since I let him lead from then on; I definitely think things would not have built up tension wise, if I had done all the initiating after that first text I sent.

 

If a guy is into you, he will contact you! I have know EXTREME introverts.... VERY nervous, anxious guys..... ALL pursue women! They are grown men, if they have self respect and decent enough self worth - they WILL TEXT!

 

I have dated heaaaaaaps. All the men who were lukewarm, didn't text after dates until dates later when they were maybe bored - if at all.

 

ALL... 100% of men who were into me ended up contacting me swiftly after a date.

[smudge21]

I would always text/contact first after a date. It's just the way I am. If it was someone I wanted to see again, then the need to text would be impossible to ignore. However, I would need to get something back from the girl to know that I'm not wasting my time. I wouldn't expect her to chase me (although I would love it if she did) but if she were too aloof and distant, clearly acting like she wanted to be chased but not giving any hints that there is something at the end, then I'd be put off by that - especially coming off a date or two where I've done all the work.

 

I totally understand what many are saying here about not chasing the guy or making the early effort, but in this day and age, I don't think any girl should feel that they can't do that, or that they shouldn't. If they want something/someone, then take charge and go get it. Plus the way the dating game is these days, with so many websites and apps, it's a shoppers paradise and so many multi-date or have many options. If one girl remains distant or takes her time, then that surely means the guy may simply make another choice. Strike while the irons hot I believe is the line, and it fits well in the dating game these days.

 

So to sum up, as a guy, I would have no problem with a girl taking the lead and would be flattered by it. I like strong, independent and confident women so that's probably why.

[emerald86]

Learn to love yourself and know what you are worth. Also don't take this as anything that you have done wrong at all. As I guy I actually really like when girls text me back first since it gives me some more reassurance that theres interest there. Just be yourself, if you are thinking about him and want to text him, then do it. Don't play any stupid games of ignoring and not texting to try and win him over.

 

The right guy will appreciate your texts no matter what and will engage in the conversation. At the end of the day if he still hasnt texted you for the entire day then just follow up the next day again if you really want to and ask him whats going on? I know it may sound stupid but at least you will get an answer from him and can go from there. Maybe its some completely lame excuse or it could be super valid like he went on a boat trip and forgot his phone? Who knows.

 

This has been my experience. I'm going to agree that sending a quick thank you text after a first date should be no problem. I've done this myself quite recently. I had an amazing time with a guy on a first date, and I texted him the next morning telling him that I had a great time. He then responded almost immediately with an enthusiastic text, asking if I would be willing to go on another date. So I think it's quite true that the right guy will appreciate your texts.

 

Truthfully though, this is the first time I've texted a guy after a first date. I did have some doubt in my mind that I was being too overeager by texting him the very next morning, but since it was well-received, all my doubts had been erased. So I say go ahead and send him a quick thank you text--you've got nothing to lose from it.