Spaartacus Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hi All, I've just about running out of options and total lost to what to do. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a bit over a year. It started great but lately past couple months we argue ALOT. to keep it short, my basic frustration is that She will not admit to her faults. She cannot take criticisms at all not even a tiny bit. She runs out of patience the moment she sense that I am disagreeing with her. I am so frustrated as I put Alot of effort in this relationship. I am the only one working, she hasn't even finished college (we're same year) she dosnt have a car, not even a permit. I use to put some pressure on her to get her going on these things but she'd always get mad and say stop giving her ****. So I stopped. Lately she says shes busy back home helping her family around the house that shes busy. She said she can't give me what I want and can't give me attention because shes busy. We argued a whole month over that, because the fact is she is on facebook all the time, all I ask for is a good morning text... Whatever I stopped asking her for attention too, I've been working full time and part time to support me and her. We plan to hangout this weekend but I told her I'll be free saturday after 3-4pm as I need to work on my client work for just a few hours in the morning. Shes just not having it, said that she "never asks me for anything" Just one day ( She wants to come over and stay all day till sunday) Sunday I have to go home for my dads birthday. She somehow cannot understand that. I put it in the most simple way possible for her on Monday. I "Can" hangout with you saturday, I would prefer afternoon 3-4pm. I can either hangout with you in LA or You can Come to my place but I would prefer in the afternoon. She kept telling me how confusing I am or what i want. She says she really misses me and cares about me but soon as we got into this argument that I Cant dedicate whole day to her she suddenly just changed plan. Said "ok we can meet in the middle hangout for 3 hours" 4pm-7pm then when I ask why so short, it took me like 10 min to get it out of her that she suddenly made plans to GO OUT (bars etc) When she has NO money. zero. it drove me insane, I've been working my ass off this week and past week to MAKE time on weekends for her how can a person at age 24 NOT understand that. I love her guys, Shes my first girlfriend. I noticed whenever we argue it is ALWAYS ME who comes back saying sorry or ME who chases after her. I feel like shes taking me for granted. but I feel SO weak, I dont want to lose her. I dont want to leave her when she has NO ONE to help her with her life. All my friends tell me to break up with her already. I know its obvious but man I kept holding on to a thin thread hoping that she'd change and see what it is I've been doing for her.
Redhead14 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Hi All, I've just about running out of options and total lost to what to do. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a bit over a year. It started great but lately past couple months we argue ALOT. to keep it short, my basic frustration is that She will not admit to her faults. She cannot take criticisms at all not even a tiny bit. She runs out of patience the moment she sense that I am disagreeing with her. I am so frustrated as I put Alot of effort in this relationship. I am the only one working, she hasn't even finished college (we're same year) she dosnt have a car, not even a permit. I use to put some pressure on her to get her going on these things but she'd always get mad and say stop giving her ****. So I stopped. Lately she says shes busy back home helping her family around the house that shes busy. She said she can't give me what I want and can't give me attention because shes busy. We argued a whole month over that, because the fact is she is on facebook all the time, all I ask for is a good morning text... Whatever I stopped asking her for attention too, I've been working full time and part time to support me and her. We plan to hangout this weekend but I told her I'll be free saturday after 3-4pm as I need to work on my client work for just a few hours in the morning. Shes just not having it, said that she "never asks me for anything" Just one day ( She wants to come over and stay all day till sunday) Sunday I have to go home for my dads birthday. She somehow cannot understand that. I put it in the most simple way possible for her on Monday. I "Can" hangout with you saturday, I would prefer afternoon 3-4pm. I can either hangout with you in LA or You can Come to my place but I would prefer in the afternoon. She kept telling me how confusing I am or what i want. She says she really misses me and cares about me but soon as we got into this argument that I Cant dedicate whole day to her she suddenly just changed plan. Said "ok we can meet in the middle hangout for 3 hours" 4pm-7pm then when I ask why so short, it took me like 10 min to get it out of her that she suddenly made plans to GO OUT (bars etc) When she has NO money. zero. it drove me insane, I've been working my ass off this week and past week to MAKE time on weekends for her how can a person at age 24 NOT understand that. I love her guys, Shes my first girlfriend. I noticed whenever we argue it is ALWAYS ME who comes back saying sorry or ME who chases after her. I feel like shes taking me for granted. but I feel SO weak, I dont want to lose her. I dont want to leave her when she has NO ONE to help her with her life. All my friends tell me to break up with her already. I know its obvious but man I kept holding on to a thin thread hoping that she'd change and see what it is I've been doing for her. She's not your first girlfriend . . . she's not a girlfriend at all. I dont want to leave her when she has NO ONE to help her with her life. You are too young to take on a project. Date some other women and find out just how much better things could be. Get, what we here call, GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome). In your case, the grass will definitely be greener. This girl is immature and using you. Don't be a doormat. Move on.
CarrieT Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 All my friends tell me to break up with her already. I know its obvious but man I kept holding on to a thin thread hoping that she'd change and see what it is I've been doing for her. Listen to your friends. You don't stay in a relationship "hoping someone will change." You stay in a relationship because you love the person for who they are - not what you want them to become. I dont want to leave her when she has NO ONE to help her with her life. You can't help her - or stay with her because she has "no one" to help her. She needs to learn to help herself. And - trust me - she will. 1
MrMeh Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I've been in your position before so I think I could hopefully help. There isn't anything you can do to change a person who doesn't want to change. Until you realize that, then you can be free to start looking for somebody that suits you. I understand that it's difficult to leave because you hope that maybe one day she'll be reasonable and understand your perspective, but believe me, she won't. I would recommend sending a civilized text along the lines of," Hey (xxx). I've been thinking lately that I'm not as content as I want to be in this relationship and I think it's time I move on. Thank you for all the good memories. Take care and good luck."
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 She is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. YOU are being her doormat, letting her wipe her feet on you while you apologize just to keep her from leaving you. She is using you, and you are being taken for granted. I get it you are blinded by love, but it is an unhealthy love. Your relationship is toxic and not repairable because it take two to want to fix things. Her lack of effort to work on your relationship is why it's crumbling apart. Sorry but your relationship has run it's course....there is no gaining back to the way it was when you first got together. Your friends are right, they see your hurt and what it's doing to you....they know you need to get away from her.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 If it's me, I sit her down and let her know that you tired of her behavior and if she can't do better then it's time to move on. The girl has you wrapped around her little finger and it will continue unless you do something about it.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 When you say you support her, do you mean financially? If so, to what extent? She is behaving very immaturely and I just don't think she's that into the relationship anymore. Stop being her ATM and see what happens. As the others have already said, it's not your job to "save" her. You are enabling her, not helping her.
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 It sounds like there is a lot of resentment built up, for both of you. That will be difficult to resolve. Listen to your friends. You can't change someone, you can only change your own behavior. You deserve to find a partner and a relationship that contributes to your life, not a relationship filled with stress and conflict.
preraph Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Sounds to me like you're both just alike. Both of you want to have the relationship and see each other on your own schedule and be in control of that and neither wants to be flexible. This certainly will be a problem going forward. Just imagine having a baby in the mix, and all of a sudden NEITHER of you gets to make the schedule because you're at the will of a fussy infant.
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