My story. (short)

[devo60]

Dated ex-girl for 7 years, amazing mental, spiritual, sexual chemistry. I was the one who broke things off (dumb-ass) Decided we would seperate and work on ourselves etc... I came crawling back, she set boundries thought it was for the best. Remained friends (bad idea). Found out she is fooling around with tom, dick and harry. Not ****ing just second base high school **** (she prides herself on never having a 1 nighter which I know can change btw) I found out by snooping through her cell, she found out i snooped and was furious, I sent her really mean texts adding insult to injury. Next day I texted her apologizing profusely but definitely also came off like a needy, desperate pussy. Later texted her we obviously cant be friends and that I was going to give her space,freedom, the choice to decide if she ever wants me again and that I wont contact her after this text...This was 5 days ago. We have been broken up for 6 months. (remember we remained friends)

 

Other points...

-Her best friend told me that my ex told her that she is afraid she will never find someone like me who can stimulate her mental, spiritual, sexual like me, that she hated sex before me.

 

-EX told me she thinks if she were to sleep with another guy she would probably come running back to me. (our sexual chemistry was next level, i took the time to learn how she wanted it, instead of having sex selfishly and behaving like guys who just try to emulate porn, which most girls hate btw)

 

Do I have a shot or what? im trying so hard to get over her, not to mention LITERALLY all my local friends have moved away this year as well making it the by far the hardest year of my life. And my childhood sucked so that's saying something.

 

All thoughts and feedback greatly appreciated!!!

[DarrenB]

No that's something I wouldn't even bother attempting to re-gain. You sound just as bad as each other and although you feel that the chemistry, duration, physicality and whatever else was there in the relationship, it might have been lacking the key things to actually balance the good from the bad in it.

 

Don't cause yourself more torment, from the sounds of the situation the damage has already been done and I think you both realise (or will realise pretty soon) that this just wasn't going to work out. It might have been needed to have some sort of ultimatum type situation occur like the one you have stated.

 

It sounds like, you want to keep her because she's all you really have? you state all your local friends have left, so it's hard for you to keep distractions going on a regular basis.

 

I don't know, I've never been in such a long type of relationship like that so I can't really offer any genuine decent advice.

 

Just go out there, meet new people, and you'll never know; might come across her again in due time or find someone completely similar.

 

Good luck!

[Satu]

It sounds like you made something last for 7 years, that should really have lasted 3 months.

 

Think about that statement before you reject it.

 

 

Take care.

[devo60]

It sounds like you made something last for 7 years, that should really have lasted 3 months.

 

Think about that statement before you reject it.

 

 

Take care.

 

Ok, but why do you say that?

[Satu]

Ok, but why do you say that?

 

The meaning is so obvious that I'm reluctant to explain it...

 

Don't be lazy.

[devo60]

The meaning is so obvious that I'm reluctant to explain it...

 

Don't be lazy.

 

 

This is not helpful. People break up and get back together all the time, right? People can seperate and appreciate and grow as people. We had something amazing and things got bad in the end like most break-ups and things fell apart during the break up but what did I say that would make you think we should have only lasted 3 months?

[DarrenB]

This is not helpful. People break up and get back together all the time, right? People can seperate and appreciate and grow as people. We had something amazing and things got bad in the end like most break-ups and things fell apart during the break up but what did I say that would make you think we should have only lasted 3 months?

 

I think it's just the severity of some things you stated which wouldn't really be considered as part of a 'healthy long-term relationship'.

 

So in other words, if things like that were happening, then to us (the advisors) it should have been or is perceived more like a short-term relationship.

 

Don't take my word on that though, lol.

[Satu]

This is not helpful. People break up and get back together all the time, right? We had something amazing and things fell apart during the break up but what did I say that would make you think we should have only lasted 3 months?

 

OK I'll explain.

 

It sounds like you have both spent years trying to recapture the earliest 'high' of your relationship; both wanting the other to become again, the person they were when things were 'golden.'

 

You weren't able to let that phase pass and embrace the evolution that has to take place for a relationship to continue.

 

You didn't do any of that consciously, but it is what you did.

 

You're both upset that the other has changed, but people always change.

 

You were operating from a map that was out of date by six years, and nine months.

 

Now you can dismiss my comments if you wish...

[aloneinaz]

This is not helpful. People break up and get back together all the time, right?

 

Yes, but 99% of the time, they have the outcome you've had. I've never had a R/S survive that incurred any breakups.

 

 

People can seperate and appreciate and grow as people. We had something amazing and things got bad in the end like most break-ups and things fell apart during the break up but what did I say that would make you think we should have only lasted 3 months?

 

Honestly, everyone who's been left or broken up with feels that the relationship, chemistry, sex, connection was amazing. But if you think about it, if it was that way, it would of never turned sour and ended. Read this posts on this site for a while. Most dumpees claim that but when the shock and hurt subside and they feel better a few months later, they realize with clear heads that the relationship had lots of issues.

[LostOnes05]

I took chemistry in high school. Sometimes reactions went as planned, sometimes they didn't. Thing is, in both instances neither of the reactants were the same after interacting with each other.

 

Point is, you will never see each other the same as you did the first time. If you add other people (aka other reactants), then things just get more complicated. I'd never get back with an ex (because of being cheated on), and partly because I don't believe people actually change...they just decide who to show what to, and when. I've seen people stay in relationships far longer than they should have solely based on good "chemistry" and sex. If the only place you get along is in the bedroom, what happens when you go to the kitchen? Answer is all those old troubles start to rear their ugly heads. And if you add time and other people in the mix that could potentially resurface, you've got something else to deal with. Best of luck but I'd take two steps back to look at the whole picture.

[Frozensushi]

The issues you had with each other are still going to be there. I had amazing sexual chemistry with my Ex, but every time we got back together the problems were still there, waiting for us. They just don't go away. It can definitely be a huge boost to your ego to satisfy someone you care about sexually. Sounds like you both found the physical dynamic to your relationship as the glue that kept it all together.

 

You mentioned her seeing other men. Jealousy may also be playing a part in why you want her back. It's ego bruising that she's out with other men. That's why staying friends with someone you still have feelings for is the worst thing you can do.