BatManuel Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) So 9 months ago I was dumped by my long term EX. She left me for a guy she worked with and gaslit the **** out of me. Spent some time in a nihilistic daze. Lost some weight, moved, got back into the dating scene. Went on a bunch of dates with some objectively wonderful girls, but nothing ever really stuck. Found a girl on tinder who had mostly everything I was looking for in a partner. She was just getting out of a tumultuous relationship with a coworker and there were a metric **** ton of red flags. But she was honest and I trusted her. 6 weeks in I feel we're going somewhere and I'm starting to develop some real feelings. I know I'm being dumb, but I gotta be true to myself and this is just how I roll. We've got a romanticish weekend booked over the long weekend and I'm feeling pretty good about life. Two days before we're going away her EX comes back into the picture and explains that he thought they were on a break and not broken up. He's hurt she's sleeping with someone else. She's honest and open with me about the whole thing. Ends up going on the trip with one of her girlfriends to think the whole thing through. At the end of the day she chooses to get back with him. The thing is, I learned a lot about what I want out of a partner out of the whole experience. I'm now squarely over my long term EX and ready to move on with my life. Since it was such a short relationship I might explore the "friends" thing in a while. While it does hurt a bit to be left again for a divorced co worker with kids right before a vacation, I'm surprisingly cool with how she left it. Things ended on a very positive note with no bad times in the relationship. If she came back I'd entertain her, but in the time being I've been on a few dates with some objectively awesome women this week and I'm keeping positive. Also, on an unrelated note an EX from a decade ago texted me wanting be back today. I noped out of that one. Edited September 9, 2016 by BatManuel 1
Satu Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I'll make no comment on your actions, but here's some unsought advice: Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do. Take care. 1
Author BatManuel Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 I'll make no comment on your actions, but here's some unsought advice: Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do. Take care. Very solid advice and I absolutely agree with it, but I was not doing well after being cheated on and dumped while on deployment. This "rebound" actually helped me sort my head and she really was super helpful on that front. While I would have preferred her to be over her EX so that we could have continued what we had going on, I absolutely wouldn't trade the experience for where I was a few months ago. I probably didn't get over my EX till a few weeks in. We were still in the honeymoon stage, I'm sure a million things could have went wrong if we continued, but I think it ended pretty well and served a purpose. (I'm trying to be positive these days for fear of going back to a perpetual state of existential crisis)
Author BatManuel Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Oh, and I knew she wasn't available, but I figured we were really just that good together, because I'm dumb <3 On a related note I know about "no contact" now so I'm healing well. 1
DarrenB Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Glad to hear you are healing well. Just think on the subjectively positive outcome... someone in the future will appear and choose you until you no longer want them, or you stay with them for a lifetime! It doesn't look like you seem to have an issue with gaining some options and 'paths' so to speak. You're doing the right thing, something I envy and wish I could do. Just keep healing and keep exploring.
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