devo60 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 There seems to be so much conflicting info out there by all these "break-up gurus" Half of them say tell your intent ie; contact me if you want to get back together but dont contact me if you want to just be friends. The other advice is wait 30 days then text them a message that you just want to be friends then basically sneak your way back in using psychological techniques. Both seem to have there negatives and positives. What does everyone think, btw I already commited to the first one so hope it works. 1
Satu Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 These Breakup Guru's are all on the same page. Unfortunately, it's the wrong page. You can't make someone want something they don't want. You can't make them think what you want them to think. You can't make them feel what you want them to feel. You can't make them do what you want them to do. Take care. 5
DarrenB Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Don't contact them and never contact them again if they tell you 'I don't want you anymore' 'I don't love you anymore'. Anything along the lines of that just isn't worth investing time to savour something that's quite clearly already ended indefinitely. If you were meant to be or if there was still potential there then you wouldn't have broken up, more a less taken 'a break'. I'll go with the most cliche phrase in the world: 'Your ex, is an ex for a reason'. 2
marky00 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 There seems to be so much conflicting info out there by all these "break-up gurus" Half of them say tell your intent ie; contact me if you want to get back together but dont contact me if you want to just be friends. The other advice is wait 30 days then text them a message that you just want to be friends then basically sneak your way back in using psychological techniques. Both seem to have there negatives and positives. What does everyone think, btw I already commited to the first one so hope it works. Yes most people on here advocate Option1. But the attempt for reconciliation must be real, not some half-baked attempt. Option2 is all over the Internet. I think that only works where both people are still in love and just broke off due to argument or life circumstances etc. But 95% of cases are due to someone losing interest and for that scenario, 30 days NC won't achieve anything. 1
Author devo60 Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 I should mention it did start out as a "break" but things spiraled because we remained friends and that obviously never works when one or more parties still loves the other. She told me a bunch we will see what happens at the end of the year? I really do think she has conflicting feelings but I dont know 2
Satu Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 If she wanted to be with you she would be, but she isn't, so she doesn't. QED. Sorry. 2
DarrenB Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I should mention it did start out as a "break" but things spiraled because we remained friends and that obviously never works when one or more parties still loves the other. She told me a bunch we will see what happens at the end of the year? I really do think she has conflicting feelings but I dont know Go with your instinct; mind and heart. But be open and cautious about the chance that it might not go in your favor or the way you want it to. Like I say, some situations are worth saving, this doesn't seem anything severe of the sort, so I would definitely just give it time. In that time, you never know what could happen! Just remember you cannot simply make someone love you, they have to make that choice for themselves otherwise it is meaningless. Steady yourself, keep doing you mate 1
Author devo60 Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Go with your instinct; mind and heart. But be open and cautious about the chance that it might not go in your favor or the way you want it to. Like I say, some situations are worth saving, this doesn't seem anything severe of the sort, so I would definitely just give it time. In that time, you never know what could happen! Just remember you cannot simply make someone love you, they have to make that choice for themselves otherwise it is meaningless. Steady yourself, keep doing you mate Thank you for all your responses, I realize I cannot make her love me and I need to find happiness and peace in myself. I was not ready for a relationship back then nor am I now, I have way to many personal issues to love a woman how she deserves.
aloneinaz Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Another way to view you question- People who do number 1 and continue to contact and cling to a dumper, suffer the most pain, suffering, hurt and damage to their self esteem. People who do number 2 and accept that someone kicked their butts to the curb and then vanish and go NC, get over it the fastest. Out of sight and out of mind. Our instincts are to chase after people who don't want us anymore. Begging, crying, pleading for another chance. Reality is that's the absolute worst thing to do.
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