LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I recently met this great man who myself and others traveled internationally with for a spiritual pilgrimage. He was one of the tour guides. I didn't think much of him at first as I observed like me, he is private, reserved, and dare I say, shy even. As the days numbered down, he began to open up more and more to the group about his personal life (normal stuff. Nothing heavy or inappropriate.) For a few days I actually thought he didn't like me much (as he would move away from me if we were standing in a food line together, or answer abruptly and then quickly run off if I asked him a question, look me up and down, or drop my hand quickly after holding it for a prayer circle) or perhaps just felt he couldn't really relate(?) as he is older than me and we are of two different races. One day however, after myself and some of the other female pilgrims met and conversed with a male local, the tour guide walked over to our group (quite shocking because he seemed to make it a habit to keep his distance) and started asking me what I thought of this male local and engaging me around this local's denomination. On our second to last night of this pilgrimage the group went out for dinner. Upon walking into the restaurant, the tour guide was already seated at a table with a pastor, pilgrims...and he invited me to sit with them. Because of how sort of stand-offish he had been the entire time, coupled with my own shy, reserved and anxious nature, I mumbled a nervous "no thanks" and quickly headed over to another table. Before dinner ended, he came over to our table again and the conversation somehow turned to FB. He asked me if I was on FB and I told him yes and he said something like "Ok, well we will have to keep in touch then." At that moment it was like the entire table went quiet because I think the other pilgrims were also wondering "who is this guy?" On the day of departure, he pops up un-announced at the airport wearing glasses (I wear glasses - he didn't wear glasses the entire time) and while we were all happy to see him, I just had a feeling in my stomach. He then proceeded to sit down with my group and said he would talk to us while he waited for his flight but I stayed quiet and let the other ladies do most of the talking. Funny thing, he seemed a little nervous and afraid and then eventually moved on to another group where he chatted non-stop??? Fast forward to a few days later after returning to the states and he sent me a friend request on FB. Again, I was shocked as I didn't actually think he would. Needless to say I accepted and he liked all of my photos blah blah blah. It's been a few months since the trip and while we never actually talk on FB, however, I do notice that whenever I post something, he will post something similar, for example, the other day I posted about a place that I love to travel to and then he posted something similar. I then posted pics and thoughts of the beach and he did the same a day later. Perhaps this is all just coincidence? I have slowly become more and more interested but I must admit he intimidates me because he's lived such a wonderful and vast life. I really had no attraction to him whatsoever. I will never sell myself short by getting involved with a man who isn't genuine about me. Just curious on some thoughts? I could reach out and talk to him at anytime but I just don't want to set myself up.
spiderowl Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 What exactly do you like about this guy? It's not really clear from what you say. Is it just that you find it intriguing he seems to be showing some interest after not seeming to earlier?
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 What exactly do you like about this guy? It's not really clear from what you say. Is it just that you find it intriguing he seems to be showing some interest after not seeming to earlier? Yes I guess I did find it a little intriguing.
Mystique01 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Based on what you've described so far, it sounds like this guy sort of likes you, but is a little on the shy side. The reason why I say this is because he always seems to be where you are, he acts awkward around you sometimes, and he is different around you than he is around other friends. The common denominator though is that he's always around you in some way, and he's coming to make conversation with you, add you on FB, etc. My guess? He kind of likes you but is socially awkward or not really sure how to show his interest. A Guy I knew who had a huge crush on me used to act just like this! He was shy , and his behavior towards me was always so confusing lol! Oh, and btw I don't think his posts are a coincidence lol. He's subtly trying to show you how much you and him have in common lol. 1
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 Based on what you've described so far, it sounds like this guy sort of likes you, but is a little on the shy side. The reason why I say this is because he always seems to be where you are, he acts awkward around you sometimes, and he is different around you than he is around other friends. The common denominator though is that he's always around you in some way, and he's coming to make conversation with you, add you on FB, etc. My guess? He kind of likes you but is socially awkward or not really sure how to show his interest. A Guy I knew who had a huge crush on me used to act just like this! He was shy , and his behavior towards me was always so confusing lol! Oh, and btw I don't think his posts are a coincidence lol. He's subtly trying to show you how much you and him have in common lol. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yes, I do believe there is some light interest and honestly believe in my heart that the FB posts were not just randomly done. I got that knowing feeling in my gut when I saw them. *Le sigh* things are always more complicated than they need to be when it comes to my love life! I guess I'll just continue to engage him naturally and see where it goes. Pray for me!
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 IMO he would just prefer to admire you from afar. Anyways your love life is complicated because you waste your time on men who are difficult/too challenging, hard to read or live worlds away....your picker is off as they say if this pattern keeps repeating itself. Tip: date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. with emotional and physical availability that fulfills your expectations. Right now with this guy, you are settling because he seems to be interested, not because he ticks off all your boxes (expectations). He can't act like a real man around a woman he is interested in..that speak volumes of the trouble you are going to have down the road. It's only cute when they are 16, not as an adult. 1
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 IMO he would just prefer to admire you from afar. Anyways your love life is complicated because you waste your time on men who are difficult/too challenging, hard to read or live worlds away....your picker is off as they say if this pattern keeps repeating itself. Tip: date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. with emotional and physical availability that fulfills your expectations. Right now with this guy, you are settling because he seems to be interested, not because he ticks off all your boxes (expectations). He can't act like a real man around a woman he is interested in..that speak volumes of the trouble you are going to have down the road. It's only cute when they are 16, not as an adult. Thanks, smackie. Your honesty is always refreshing. I guess my picker is off at times. Not sure anyway, if anything would ever come of this. I enjoy the feedback on these situations because it helps me learn.
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 What exactly do you like about this guy? It's not really clear from what you say. Is it just that you find it intriguing he seems to be showing some interest after not seeming to earlier? I like that he's kind, accomplished, intelligent and quirky.
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Specifically on Facebbok? Does he like her but is maybe too shy? Perhaps waiting for her to make the first move? Maybe he's attracted but is involved? Is this normal? What's the psychology behind this? I mean this guy literally mimicks nearly everything I do. If I post a pic of a vacation spot, not too shortly after, he's posting of the same/similar spot too. If I talk about a restaurant, there he is posting a pic of one of his favorite restaurants. I post pics of and talk about the beach, there he goes. Most recently, I posted something spiritual and literally gasped out loud the next day when I checked my account and saw he had posted damn near the exact same message. Just a little back hx: I met him a couple of months ago on a group trip. We are both well over the legal age, but he's got me by about twenty years. We got home and he sent me a friend request. I never got weirdo or creep vibes from him or anything, just shy and reserved. During the trip, he asked me some questions about my life, inquired about my conversation with another guy, and at the end of the trip, told me that he wanted to keep in touch. Problem is, we don't really talk on FB but he just mirrors the hell out me. At first, I thought it just a coincidence but then I kept feeling in my gut that it was intentional. Also, he's not like this with anyone else.
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 In addition, he is also a Reverend.
preraph Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I think that's really creepy and obsessive. Being a reverend is no inoculation against being a creep. I think he's obsessed with you and trying to show you that you have all this in common, so he's seeing what you like and then mimicking it. Of course, there are even bad dating guides who tell you to mirror a person to make it look like you have a lot in common when all they're really trying to do is get sex. So whether he just wants sex or whether he is truly obsessing, don't know, but it all seems really unhealthy, and you know that already, which is why you wrote here. Always follow your instincts on these things. Instincts took milennia to develop and are a valid survival tool. If I were you, I wouldn't want him seeing my Facebook. 2
elaine567 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I guess as he is 20 years older, he is not used to FB and so he is mirroring you so as not to appear like he is out of his depth on it. When did he join FB? Two seconds after you mentioned you were on FB maybe? I would find it creepy. 1
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 I think that's really creepy and obsessive. Being a reverend is no inoculation against being a creep. I think he's obsessed with you and trying to show you that you have all this in common, so he's seeing what you like and then mimicking it. Of course, there are even bad dating guides who tell you to mirror a person to make it look like you have a lot in common when all they're really trying to do is get sex. So whether he just wants sex or whether he is truly obsessing, don't know, but it all seems really unhealthy, and you know that already, which is why you wrote here. Always follow your instincts on these things. Instincts took milennia to develop and are a valid survival tool. If I were you, I wouldn't want him seeing my Facebook. Thanks preraph. This is really helpful. I will definitely follow my instincts which tell me this is a little weird. Another thing I also considered is the age difference and spiritual aspect.
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 I guess as he is 20 years older, he is not used to FB and so he is mirroring you so as not to appear like he is out of his depth on it. When did he join FB? Two seconds after you mentioned you were on FB maybe? I would find it creepy. Thank elaine567. He's been a member of FB for years now. I'm actually the one who just recently joined. I don't deny this is a bit creepy, and I also think he has some hang-ups about his age, and as you say, I do feel he is trying not to come across as out of his league.
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 If it bothers you that much change the security settings to prevent him from viewing your posts. 1
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 If it bothers you that much change the security settings to prevent him from viewing your posts. Thanks. I didn't consider that.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 If it bothers you that much change the security settings to prevent him from viewing your posts. I'm sorry, but why does he have access to your posts in the first place???? He's a total stranger. Ugh. People and their social media....let the world know what they are doing and, in turn, enjoy watching what others do...voyeuristic world we live in. 1
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted September 11, 2016 Author Posted September 11, 2016 I'm sorry, but why does he have access to your posts in the first place???? He's a total stranger. Ugh. People and their social media....let the world know what they are doing and, in turn, enjoy watching what others do...voyeuristic world we live in. Good question. I went on an international spiritual group pilgrimage this year and he was the presiding Reverand/tour guide. On these types of journeys it's not uncommon to meet new acquaintances/make friends and return to the states and connect via social media. He sent me and others friend requests on FB and because of my experience on the pilgrimage I did feel comfortable enough to accept as the others did. Didn't realize he would mimic.
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