camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hey All, I was hoping to get some insight on my dating situation. I've been hanging out with a guy for a little over three months and from my point of view, taking it slow and getting to know one another. Recently a mutual friend of ours asked him how it was going with us and he said something along the lines of ''Pretty swell I'd say. Still unlabeled, taking slow and casual.'' Does this mean he sees our relationship as a casual one or taking it slow? He hasn't brought up exclusivity or the bf/gf label and neither have I. A bit more background: -We typically see each other 2 times a week, once during the week and once over the weekend, sleep over and hang out for most of the next day. Occasionally we will hang out 3 times a week. I've been fine with this and never sought out/wanted to see him more until pretty recently. I'm getting to know him and my feelings for him are starting to deepen and I'd like to see him more. He's only turned down seeing me once. -He's invited me out to meet his friends -We typically go out on dinner dates, to museums, or occasionally cook for each other at home -He was out of town during my birthday weekend and felt bad, so got me flowers when he returned -We are planning a weekend trip out of state for later this month -He brought up wanting to bring me to a museum in his hometown, which apparently has a lot of history -Initiated good morning texts/photos, which we now do occasionally -He has expressed interest in renting a lakehouse out of the city for a weekend, either just the two of us or with friends, no solid plans though -While he was scrolling through photos on his phone a few nude photos of his most recent ex came up, i brought up my discomfort with this and he said he understood and deleted them. He also went into his tagged photos on instagram and untagged photos of them together(didn't ask for him to do this, I creeped and noticed, haha) -He bought me a toothbrush and Ive left clothes/shoes at his place -Whenever he goes on a weekend trip he texts me the day after as hes back. -The first few weeks of us hanging out we saw each other once a week and he let me know that he liked me and wanted to see me more, so he's capable of asking for something if he wants it. Also, he had broken up with his prior ex gf two months prior to us meeting, they dated for about 6 months, part of the reason they broke up was she was rushing the relationship and was pushing for them to move in together. He's gone for the weekend so I wont be able to bring this up until hes back.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hey All, I was hoping to get some insight on my dating situation. I've been hanging out with a guy for a little over three months and from my point of view, taking it slow and getting to know one another. Recently a mutual friend of ours asked him how it was going with us and he said something along the lines of ''Pretty swell I'd say. Still unlabeled, taking slow and casual.'' Does this mean he sees our relationship as a casual one or taking it slow? He hasn't brought up exclusivity or the bf/gf label and neither have I. Huh? He just told your friend he sees it as "slow and casual".... so yes obviously.. he sees this as slow and casual.
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Huh? He just told your friend he sees it as "slow and casual".... so yes obviously.. he sees this as slow and casual. I guess my question is whether he might think of this as taking things slow and eventually building to something more series or wanting our relationship to remain casual. In my mind there is a difference between the two.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I guess my question is whether he might think of this as taking things slow and eventually building to something more series or wanting our relationship to remain casual. In my mind there is a difference between the two. Yes of course there is a difference but that wasn't your original question so thanks for clarifying. That said though, we are strangers, don't know him from a hole in the wall, and as such, have no idea what's going on his head, and heart. Maybe he sees your RL as eventually leading to something more serious, or maybe not. You need to be discussing this with HIM, not us. Is there any particular reason why you have not discussed this with him, since it appears you have a need to know?
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 camilla, truth is many men will act and behave as your guy is behaving and still only consider it casual.... and always will. Other men view these early stages as a time to get to know each other, to determine if it might grow into something more serious. My advice is talk with him about it if it concerns you.
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Yes of course there is a difference but that wasn't your original question so thanks for clarifying. That said though, we are strangers, don't know him from a hole in the wall, and as such, have no idea what's going on his head, and heart. Maybe he sees your RL as eventually leading to something more serious, or maybe not. You need to be discussing this with HIM, not us. Is there any particular reason why you have not discussed this with him, since it appears you have a need to know? Like I said, my feelings for him have recently begun to deepen, I havent thought about labels until the last few weeks or so. He's away so I plan to bring this up at some point after he returns.
Ami1uwant Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I guess my question is whether he might think of this as taking things slow and eventually building to something more series or wanting our relationship to remain casual. In my mind there is a difference between the two. He seems to like you. Slow and casual means different thing yo different people. What's his background-''are you the first one he has dated beyond 1 or 3 dates since divorce/LTR ended???,
hippychick3 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 At 3 months, I would expect my relationship to be exclusive and more than "casual." Where does he go during all these weekend trips? 1
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 At 3 months, I would expect my relationship to be exclusive and more than "casual." Where does he go during all these weekend trips? One was to his parents, two others are camping trips with his buddies. Basically a bunch of guys hanging out doing outdoor activities, which he really likes. I agree, I'm wondering why he hasnt brought it up. I'm going to have to do it when he returns but I'm feeling nervous about it.
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 He seems to like you. Slow and casual means different thing yo different people. What's his background-''are you the first one he has dated beyond 1 or 3 dates since divorce/LTR ended???, I think I'm the first person hes dated after his most recent ex, I didnt ask so I'm not sure.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) One was to his parents, two others are camping trips with his buddies. Basically a bunch of guys hanging out doing outdoor activities, which he really likes. I agree, I'm wondering why he hasnt brought it up. I'm going to have to do it when he returns but I'm feeling nervous about it. >>Whenever he goes on a weekend trip he texts me the day after as hes back. Does this mean he doesn't text you while actually gone? The entire weekend? I find that strange at three months in... and would be wondering about it. When I first started dating my bf (now ex), he would sometimes takes weekend trip with his friends, hiking or whatevs, and would text me with pics of the trip etc. Not all weekend obviously but at least once or twice. Edited September 9, 2016 by katiegrl
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 >>Whenever he goes on a weekend trip he texts me the day after as hes back. Does this mean he doesn't text you while actually gone? The entire weekend? I find that strange at three months in... and would be wondering about it. the first trip he didnt, it was a bit early on so I didnt expect much, the second trip went on he texted and sent photos and today he left for a long distance hiking trip in the mountains/woods. He said he'd text me when he's completed his journey, so we'll see.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 the first trip he didnt, it was a bit early on so I didnt expect much, the second trip went on he texted and sent photos and today he left for a long distance hiking trip in the mountains/woods. He said he'd text me when he's completed his journey, so we'll see. Well try to not overthink, every man is different. It sounds like it's all going pretty well though, at least so far, from what you've shared and I don't want how my bf acted to affect how you think and feel about how YOUR guy is acting. Again every man is different. Try to look at the positive, he bought you your own toothbrush!! LOL Just talk to him when he returns and see what happens.
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 What happen with the other girl is telling. Take the blinders off OP.....They were together for 6 months already and he thought her expectation of a serious relationship was "rushing it." now the moving in thing I could see it, BUT even at 6 months he didn't want to put a label on it. If you bring it up, asking him where you stand, he's going to say you are "rushing it" too. This guy is a commitment phoebe. 2
VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 What happen with the other girl is telling. Take the blinders off OP.....They were together for 6 months already and he thought her expectation of a serious relationship was "rushing it." now the moving in thing I could see it, BUT even at 6 months he didn't want to put a label on it. If you bring it up, asking him where you stand, he's going to say you are "rushing it" too. This guy is a commitment phoebe. Agreed... he's avoidant for sure. This will head in the same direction I bet.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 What happen with the other girl is telling. Take the blinders off OP.....They were together for 6 months already and he thought her expectation of a serious relationship was "rushing it." now the moving in thing I could see it, BUT even at 6 months he didn't want to put a label on it. If you bring it up, asking him where you stand, he's going to say you are "rushing it" too. This guy is a commitment phoebe. Wow I missed that, good point smackie and could very well be the case. Also, he had broken up with his prior ex gf two months prior to us meeting, they dated for about 6 months, part of the reason they broke up was she was rushing the relationship and was pushing for them to move in together. He many have told you this as sort of a warning "DON'T be trying to rush things otherwise I may end it with you too." Proceed with caution!
Miss Peach Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 For me I would want to know and set expectations by 3 months in. I generally prefer that to come from the man because I don't want to push him into anything. I do find it odd that 3 months in and spending all this time together he never made sure you weren't dating other people or something.
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) For me I would want to know and set expectations by 3 months in. I generally prefer that to come from the man because I don't want to push him into anything. I do find it odd that 3 months in and spending all this time together he never made sure you weren't dating other people or something. I think we all would want it coming from the other person (women and men alike)... however nothing wrong with her bringing it up.... and IF he should feel she is "rushing things" or "pushing him into something" for simply wishing to discuss at three months in .... then best she found out NOW before she invests anymore time, energy or feelings into it. Edited September 9, 2016 by katiegrl
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) What happen with the other girl is telling. Take the blinders off OP.....They were together for 6 months already and he thought her expectation of a serious relationship was "rushing it." now the moving in thing I could see it, BUT even at 6 months he didn't want to put a label on it. If you bring it up, asking him where you stand, he's going to say you are "rushing it" too. This guy is a commitment phoebe. From what I hear and from what he says she was definitely his gf and they were official. 6 months in she was talking about them moving in together when her lease was up in the next month or so, that's around when they ended. I dont know the whole story though. His relationship before her was two years. He many have told you this as sort of a warning "DON'T be trying to rush things otherwise I may end it with you too." Proceed with caution! Our mutual friend told me this info, he said they broke up bc they had different lifestyles, goals, values, etc but didnt get into specifics. For me I would want to know and set expectations by 3 months in. I generally prefer that to come from the man because I don't want to push him into anything. I do find it odd that 3 months in and spending all this time together he never made sure you weren't dating other people or something. Im the same. I find it strange he hasnt said something at this point. Maybe assuming I'm not? Him bringing it up would be ideal but Id rather bring it up than not. I'm going to bring it up to him at some point next week. Edited September 9, 2016 by camillalev
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Our mutual friend told me this info, he said they broke up bc they had different lifestyles, goals, values, etc but didnt get into specifics. Now I am confused. Did your mutual friend tell you they broke up due to different lifestyles and goals, values.... OR did he tell you it was due to her pushing to move in together? You're saying two different things here.
Author camillalev Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) Now I am confused. Did your mutual friend tell you they broke up due to different lifestyles and goals, values.... OR did he tell you it was due to her pushing to move in together? You're saying two different things here. I just realized how confusing that sounded. My friend told me she wanted to move in together after 6 months, the guy told me they had different goals, values etc. Edited September 9, 2016 by camillalev
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Im the same. I find it strange he hasnt said something at this point. Maybe assuming I'm not? In reading this board and others, many men believe the woman should bring it up and if she's not, she must not want it.... or care. Other men have no problem asking for exclusivity, early on too... assuming they are really into her. They want to lock her down so as to avoid the possibility of another guy snatching her up. I guess there is no wrong or right really....imo it's okay for either to bring it up. I am glad you are going to camilla.... let us know what happens!
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