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My Partner lies,secretive,sperate rooms, no sex ever

Louise003

By Louise003
in General Relationship Discussion

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Louise003 New Member

Louise003

Posted
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Hi I'm new to this but it has come to this for me to find some sort of peace in my mind and life.

I met my partner after coming out of a 14yr terrible relationship with the father of my children, I spent time on my own well with my children as well before getting into a new relationship. my new man came along not the usual type of guy I would look at he was so loving and nice to us all, made me laugh and after a month or so we did sleep together, then things were getting bad for me at work and after loosing my home from a previous relationship I had to rent but it was beautiful, I lost my job and he offered us to live with him he offered me to put my name on the deeds of the house he said he had inherited a lot of money and that we wouldn't be living in his house for long as I didn't like the area much, he never inherited, he dosent own his house he's in debt terribly, we sleep in separate rooms and never sleep together haven't for years now he has gained that much weight that he says he doesn't work, but yet I have in the past I have found porn on his phone I confronted him and he just lies, I found him talking to another women when we first met but I let him off that one but recently I've been feeling that he upto something because I'm neglected, he carrys his phone and iPad everywhere with him, the other night he left it downstairs so I had a look I found that a girl that I knew he was talking too before we met was still contacting him all I found was her saying don't ignore me and why aren't you talking to me anymore last message May this year so this indicates to me that she's been in contacted the whole relationship, I confronted him and he says he hasent a clue and I'm barmy so here I'm stuck with no money but starting a new job soon, stuck in his house in a sexless all most loveless and boring relationship and I can't see a way out, private rent is too expensive I have arrears with the local housing I'm trapped and I will have to move and live alone as my children have grown and 1 has left and the other one is due to leave very soon, I can not see how me returning to work is going to fix this relationship !!!!!

  • Like 1
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted

Going to work will not fix your relationship but it will fix your self respect.

 

I can't tell you what to do but I think you need to concentrate on becoming more self sufficient. You can then take pride in yourself and will not have to rely on other people for a roof over your head.

  • Like 5
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

All you have to do is start your new job, save your money and plan to move. Your kids are grown and leaving so you just have you to take care of now. Why is this a problem for you?

  • Like 2
Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through.

 

What I have found to help in my moments where I'm feeling helpless and hopeless is to remember that there are people in this world, even in my own neighborhood who have it far worse then me, so who am I to complain? Seriously.

 

And if I really need to put my sh*t into perspective, I try to think of those who've suffered enormous tragedies and who've triumphed! I mean, if they could come out the other end then who am I not think I could as well?

 

It's fine and perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself and your situation for a moment but then get up, put on your big girl pants and start making a plan to take back CONTROL of your life. No one is ever really stuck. We are responsible for the life we have because we've chosen to be in them, good or bad, therefore you just need to choose to change it however you see fit.

 

It's takes enormous courage but nothing wonderful is ever gained by playing it safe.

 

Good luck.

  • Like 3
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

There's nothing here worth saving.

 

Save some money and move as soon as you can.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 3
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

BTW, living alone is good for you as I imagine you haven't been alone before. It will give you an opportunity to put yourself first and do the things you've always wanted to do. Maybe go back to school or pursue a hobby. It strengthens you and this will help build your self esteem.

  • Like 3
maryjanekelly Member

maryjanekelly

Posted
Posted

Your relationship sounds like it's dead and gone. Kaput. Do you love him? Do you see anything worth saving?

 

Or are you merely staying because of your financial situation?

  • Like 2
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
Posted

So he's more like an albatross than a partner. Doesn't sound like there's anything worth saving here.

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Hi I'm new to this but it has come to this for me to find some sort of peace in my mind and life.

I met my partner after coming out of a 14yr terrible relationship with the father of my children, I spent time on my own well with my children as well before getting into a new relationship. my new man came along not the usual type of guy I would look at he was so loving and nice to us all, made me laugh and after a month or so we did sleep together, then things were getting bad for me at work and after loosing my home from a previous relationship I had to rent but it was beautiful, I lost my job and he offered us to live with him he offered me to put my name on the deeds of the house he said he had inherited a lot of money and that we wouldn't be living in his house for long as I didn't like the area much, he never inherited, he dosent own his house he's in debt terribly, we sleep in separate rooms and never sleep together haven't for years now he has gained that much weight that he says he doesn't work, but yet I have in the past I have found porn on his phone I confronted him and he just lies, I found him talking to another women when we first met but I let him off that one but recently I've been feeling that he upto something because I'm neglected, he carrys his phone and iPad everywhere with him, the other night he left it downstairs so I had a look I found that a girl that I knew he was talking too before we met was still contacting him all I found was her saying don't ignore me and why aren't you talking to me anymore last message May this year so this indicates to me that she's been in contacted the whole relationship, I confronted him and he says he hasent a clue and I'm barmy so here I'm stuck with no money but starting a new job soon, stuck in his house in a sexless all most loveless and boring relationship and I can't see a way out, private rent is too expensive I have arrears with the local housing I'm trapped and I will have to move and live alone as my children have grown and 1 has left and the other one is due to leave very soon, I can not see how me returning to work is going to fix this relationship !!!!!

 

You returning to work won't fix the relationship, but it will be a step toward fixing YOURSELF and getting yourself in a position to get out of this.

 

And, it's not the relationship that needs fixing . . . he needs to fix HIMSELF.

 

Start your job, put as much money away as you possibly can and prepare to get on your own two feet. Get a second job if necessary. Do whatever it takes . . .

 

This is not a relationship anyway. You are roommates.

  • Like 1
maryjanekelly Member

maryjanekelly

Posted
Posted
So he's more like an albatross than a partner. Doesn't sound like there's anything worth saving here.

 

Yes exactly. He also lied to her in the beginning about being rich and having a house etc. He also sounds like a squatter.

  • Like 2
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Louise003 New Member

Louise003

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone who has replied to my problem, I'm feeling much better start my new job on Monday, he's not speaking at all and won't be in the same room and is deciding if he wants this or not after I confronted him with the last message off a women, I've had enough it's not going to change as soon as I can I will leave I've made my mind up its only been 3 and a half years and it's come to this stage shame but we all make mistakes but I will be definitely learning from this one, and yes if it takes 2 jobs so be it I have to rebuild my life all over again I've made my decision and I'm going to start to put it into action keep you posted??????

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

Louise, PLEASE use punctuation... It is almost impossible read a single, run-on sentence.

Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

Posted
Posted
Thank you everyone who has replied to my problem, I'm feeling much better start my new job on Monday, he's not speaking at all and won't be in the same room and is deciding if he wants this or not after I confronted him with the last message off a women, I've had enough it's not going to change as soon as I can I will leave I've made my mind up its only been 3 and a half years and it's come to this stage shame but we all make mistakes but I will be definitely learning from this one, and yes if it takes 2 jobs so be it I have to rebuild my life all over again I've made my decision and I'm going to start to put it into action keep you posted??????

 

i always say there are not many problems in life that can't be solved by having some money. of your own. cut that fat ass cheating liar out of your life.

 

 

 

good luck

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Thank you everyone who has replied to my problem, I'm feeling much better start my new job on Monday, he's not speaking at all and won't be in the same room and is deciding if he wants this or not after I confronted him with the last message off a women, I've had enough it's not going to change as soon as I can I will leave I've made my mind up its only been 3 and a half years and it's come to this stage shame but we all make mistakes but I will be definitely learning from this one, and yes if it takes 2 jobs so be it I have to rebuild my life all over again I've made my decision and I'm going to start to put it into action keep you posted??????

 

Louise, you sound to be in the right frame of mind now. It should be all about you from now on. It is very important to maintain a life of your own even if you have a partner. I always have a rich fulfilling life of my own that runs parallel to any relationship I'm in. Hobbies, interests, friends. I have money put aside, credit cards in my name, etc. If ever my relationship would end, I will always have this to fall back on.

 

There are no guarantees in life or relationships. Never lose yourself in another person. You are always you with or without a partner. Having a partner in your life shouldn't be the source of your happiness nor should you completely and totally rely on them. They should enhance the happiness you already have for yourself.

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