jpjpjp Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) Hi My GF and I have been seeing eachother a lot lately but few days ago she said she wanted to slow things down and was apologetic about it (It has moved pretty fast). This came right after she failed an exam and she said it's because she's been distracted by me and needs to focus on study until she straightens things out again which is understandable. How do I proceed here? Back right off? Is this her breaking up with me? I was planning to just back off completely and let her initiate contact, go out meet some other ladies in the meantime. Thanks Edited September 9, 2016 by jpjpjp 1
BaileyB Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) You slow it down... She needs to study. Date other people/break up with her if this is not what you want. But, if you like her, give her a little more time to focus on her studies. Take her lead and see what she wants to do... Edited September 9, 2016 by BaileyB 2
stillafool Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hi I was planning to just back off completely and let her initiate contact, go out meet some other ladies in the meantime. Thanks I would do this if I were you. 1
basil67 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 You are asking us how to proceed here. Is there a reason you haven't asked your girlfriend for this clarification? A conversation to the effect of "sure, I appreciate you need to study. Can we still find a little time to spend together? I don't want to lose you". Now, this business about you dating others. I would only do this if a) you're not exclusive and b) you don't care about her. Because seeing others will be a fine way to send her packing once and for all. If you can't give her a little space to study, then you're not much of a partner. (Said by the mother of a 17yo girl who's studying madly and trying to balance a much loved boyfriend) 1
BaileyB Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Now, this business about you dating others. I would only do this if a) you're not exclusive and b) you don't care about her. Because seeing others will be a fine way to send her packing once and for all) This! If it was me, it would all the reason I needed to really focus on my studies... 1
Gaeta Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 She is the only one that can tell you what she meant by <slowing down>. Ask her.
salparadise Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 If you can't give her a little space to study, then you're not much of a partner. (Said by the mother of a 17yo girl who's studying madly and trying to balance a much loved boyfriend) If it's only about needing to make school her priority, that's one thing. But if it's a general push away, that's something else. At the two-month mark you'd expect significant enthusiasm if things are going well. Assess enthusiasm and balancing of priorities. If her focusing on studying means you'll be sitting home alone on Friday-Saturday night, then read between the lines. If it means she's going to be spending more time at the library but still making you a priority too, be tolerant.
ThorntonMelon Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I'd assume she broke up with you. But not in an angry or mean way, just I'd move my focuses other places and enjoy your life, and she'll find you if she wants to. People in stable relationships don't say "slow down" - they might say that you need to spend time differently, take what she said to heart and respect her wishes.
Author jpjpjp Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) I will definitely slow down as she says and let her make any future contact but I think I agree with you ThorntonMelon. Why would she say "I want to slow things down" when she could have said "I need time to study and that means less time with you" What I think is she wants to see me casually, that way she can still focus on study. Edited September 9, 2016 by jpjpjp
angel.eyes Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Honestly, it sounds as if you're looking for an excuse to date other people. When you're truly interested in someone, and in pursuing something serious with that person, you ask for clarification in a situation like this, then negotiate a compromise that's mutually acceptable. Instead you immediately jump to seeing other people??? She failed an exam! Obviously the way she had prioritized her time doesn't work. She needs more time to study.
stillafool Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 What I think is she wants to see me casually, that way she can still focus on study. I agree but it more than likely means whenever she has time she will see you. Is that okay with you? She may also want to be open to see other guys casually and are you okay with that?
coolheadal Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Take things slow can mean a lot of things, but sounds like she wants you to back off and let her be. You can do that and see other woman? You are not married to her, your not engaged you are free! So this is what I would do tell her okay we can take it slow but I going to see other people and when you feel you are ready to take the next step you just contact me okay. Bye 1
Miss Peach Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I would ask her you want to respect her wishes and ask for more information. It might be as simple as she wants to devote a little more time for studying so it might mean something as simple as seeing each other one night less per week or something.
Recommended Posts