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Girlfriend's parents told her to break up with me. Help!

mathew1147

By mathew1147
in General Relationship Discussion

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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Hi, my name is Mathew. It is the very first time for me to post on forums. I really need some advice.

 

I came to Colombia a months ago by myself for work. I was so desperate to learn Spanish so i started using hello-talk. It's an app to learn different languages with real people who can text or voice-note. I was using it for a week until I meet this girl who was helping with my Spanish. She was telling me places to visit around Colombia and how great the food is. After we talked, she asked me out. We went to have dinner and then we went to have some few drinks... We got to kiss on the first day then from day we kept on seeing each others for a month. We never argued and I could really tell she was in love with me, her cheeks would turn red every single time i meet her lool. After a while, I asked her if I could meet her parents so they could get to know me better and trust me with their daughter. We got to meet at the restaurant and the dad was asking me plenty of questions and I was really honest with him. He asked me if I was mixed I told them I was French,British and half Moroccan then he started saying that people are getting killed in Morocco and such.... After the questions we were laughing at some jokes. The very next day my girlfriend texted me saying that she thinks they like me so I was really happy about it. Later that week we were meant to go out for dinner but she cancelled and said that she had to meet her mom because she has something very important to say... Later that night she texted me saying that she would have to end this relationship because her parents didn't really like me :confused: I was really shocked about it and asked reason she mentioned because of what happened with her ex-boyfriend that he lied and cheated on her. I told her not every person is the same but she kept saying sorry about it. they was nothing for me to say.... So I asked her to be at least friends but she didn't want too because it will hurt her a lot. She basically never wanted to talk again :(

 

My question are; do you think she will be back? Why would her parents act like they like me if they didn't? could she be lying ?

 

 

I know I wrote a long message but I just want to give you guys and girls an idea of how it started.

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bummer Established Member

bummer

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Could be an excuse from her. But really, accept the reality of cultural insecurity and over parenting. Her parents think you are there temporarily and they don't know your intentions. They want to protect the dignity of their girl and there are too many variables with you for their comfort.

 

Don't meet the parents so early next time.

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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So you think the chances of her coming back is very low?

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Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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I asked her if I could meet her parents so they could get to know me better and trust me with their daughter.

 

Later that night she texted me saying that she would have to end this relationship because her parents didn't really like me

Well.. there ya go...

 

You asked to meet the parents so they could get to know you and trust you and here they didn't like you and don't trust you so isn't that the real answer to your question...

 

There is no saving this one... move on

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Just a Guy Established Member

Just a Guy

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Hi Mathew, sorry that you find yourself left out in the cold. You are wondering what went wrong. The way I see it is that your GF's parents got spooked with your lineage. You told them you were half Morrocan and with what's happening in that part of the world, they probably think their daughter is better of without getting involved with you. Sometimes blunt honesty backfires. Maybe a vague answer would not have raised the kind of fear in their minds that your honest answer did. Anyway, I would say a lesson learnt. If the two of you had not become too serious about each other then forget about her and move on.

However, if you two had progressed to the stage of becoming exclusive then this may be more difficult for you to do. I think that if your GF is reall6 in love with you she will find a way to get back with you. Girls and women usually get more attacked and have much stronger emotions of both love and hate than men. By the way, where do you really belong to? I mean what is your citizenship and what kind of a job are you doing? A lot will depend on the answers to these two questions. Cheers.

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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Thank you for your reply. I know it could be that but I am christian and Never meet my Moroccan family before since my dad left me when I was really young. I am British and I work in the music business industry.

Edited by mathew1147
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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Don't know why they'd have a problem with someone British, but the music industry spooks people (I was in it decades ago). They rightly assume there's a lot of sex, drugs, and rock n roll going on -- and rap too. They're probably afraid you'll take her out of the country and they'll never see her again.

 

OR it could be like another poster said and she herself decided to end it and used this as an excuse. Is there an age gap? That could certainly be it too. i ask because you're a working man and she's living with her parents still.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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In some cultures, parents have much more power over their offspring than is usual in Europe.

 

We are used to making our own choices and having them accepted, even if not respected.

 

In others, if your parents don't like it, you just don't do it.

 

Thats what you ran into here, I think.

 

Sorry.

 

 

Take care.

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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That's very true. Thank you everyone for helping me! I guess from now on I will make sure to not meet the parents soon and move on from now....

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Just a Guy Established Member

Just a Guy

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Hi Mathew, thank you for your reply to my query. So I guess as Satu said, that it is a cultural block. Also if your job in the music industry is a secure one it should not have been a problem. However if it is a bit uncertain then that could have been a contributing factor. Also how much you earn monthly could have a bearing as in some cultures that counts for a lot.

In any case what I said about her contacting you if she really loved you, still holds. So keep your fingers crossed and live well in the meantime. How long do you think you will be staying here?

spartygirl95 New Member

spartygirl95

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I'm sorry you're faced with a difficult breakup - never easy, especially when the reasons seem unclear. It could very well be the cultural differences or your potential short stay in the country. Long distance relationships can be daunting as well.

 

Never rule anything out, but having a parents blessing is so very important for a healthy relationship. I'm sure the hurt is still fresh, hopefully it will ease in time. Safe travels and best wishes!

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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I will be staying here for 1 year but I spoke to her thinking to live here if thinks were working out. She contacted me yesterday.. She told me that she was sorry again and that she could help me find friend here since I dont know anyone else. I asked her a personal question, If it still really hurt her for what happened or it doesn't anymore? I also mentioned that It get it out my out me if she tells me the truth until she replies it really hurts her everyday and she cant stop thinking. Its very confusing :/

 

and my earning are very good. I earn more than her parents so I dont think it would be the problem

Edited by mathew1147
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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I'd hate to build up your hopes but she may change her mind when she's had time to reflect and to miss you. Just be pleasant and kind in any response and leave her to realise what she is missing.

 

Her parents were probably spooked by several things:

 

1) Confusing (to them) ethnic background

2) From abroad - you might spirit their daughter away to another place/culture (bear in mind how you would feel as a parent)

3) Music business - they may know little about how successful an industry this can be

4) You are new to them (it takes time to adjust to anyone knew - especially if they might become a family member one day!)

 

Give them all chance to reflect and just get on with whatever you were doing before you met her. I am sorry if she sticks to her decision but if she does it shows she hasn't got the staying power a guy needs in a girlfriend.

 

I hope it works out as you sound a lovely guy :)

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mathew1147 New Member

mathew1147

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Yeah for now we just talking as friends but she doesn't want to meet as it will hurt her much more. I will move on like you said and if she does come back then i will see.

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