kerickann Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hi all, First of all sorry if my english is not very good. I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for 1.5 years. And we broke up 2.5 months ago. We're in the same country but different city. but we meet often, sometimes 4 times a month and the minimum is 1 time a month. We have a very good relationship, we keep in touch all the time. I really make him happy and he's happy with me. Me and my ex are both male so this is a gay relationsip. im 32 and he's 22. But i think love is love no matter what gender you are. cut story short, i have a low self esteem and he's very young and we both not bad looking. I sometimes still reply chat from other people and my ex dont like it. I never meant to do anything really bad like have sex and stuff. i just sometime want to know if i still got what it takes and do people still want me. And one day out of curiosity i downloaded Tinder and meet with 1 guy for a coffee. i didnt do anything just casual talk about work. Remind you that during that time im in a very low time in my life. with work stuff. I know i shouldn't do it to my ex, i dont know why i did that. And then my ex find out and he broke up with me. I was acting like crazy, i begged him and promising i will change , send him gifts and all that, you name it i've done it. But he really made up his mind. i try to call and text him, at first he responded. but then i become intense and that push him away. until he dont respond to me anymore. i even sent him a letter that i will leave him alone and move on. i wasn't thinking at that time. i was using my feeling instead of my brain. and he said he want to move on also. i tried no contact with him many times during this 2.5 months. And he never once look for me. i manage to stay no contact the longest is 2 weeks i think. But then i read stuff and try to make a connection with my ex. I went to see him 3 times, he's willing to meet me but he said he still hates me. the first time i meet him is about 1 month after we broke up and he still ok for me to hug him. but the second time i meet him about 3 weeks after the first meeting and he totally dont want me to hug him. During that time also he said he don't love me anymore and he doesn't have feelings for me. I dont know why it's very quick for him to erase his feelings. I know i hurt him but i really don't do anything bad like have sex with that person. And now he's seeing someone else he met on Instagram. But he's very far, im in asia and he's in germany. But i think my ex is in love with this person. My ex dont have a lot of money but he want to save money to buy ticket to go see him in the next 8 months. which is in april 2017. I don't know what he sees in that person. He never meet him and he just know this person. But why do he really want to be with this person. My ex told my friend that they chat all the time and skype and all. I told my ex that i can take care of his future. i already save money for his tuition to continue his education. and i also want to buy apartment so that we can stay together. He's original plan is to stay in my state and study here next year. But he told me that his plan is change. The last time i meet him is 5 days ago. i went to his city and the feeling is kinda different than the last 2 times. Now he can laugh with me, i came prepared and really want to show the fun part of me that he like. i even pinch his cheek and he laugh. we still have that chemistry i know. but the other part of him still pulls back. And he keep texting with this guy. I really love my ex. i know i made a mistake. i did everything in my power to show him that i try to change. I really close to God now. Im in preparation to get myself baptised. All i can think about is him all the time. I really want him back. What should i do? please give me advise. im currently in 5 days no contact with him. I cried everyday, but he doesn't seem to care about me anymore.All of my friends said i have to forget about him and move on. I really tried but i can't. i really think that he's the love of my life. Please tell me what to do. Thank you.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 You need to leave this poor man alone and move on. You hurt him very badly and he sees you're not boyfriend material. And yes, that type of betrayal can indeed cause a person to lose romantic feelings. You question how he could erase what you had. This is absurd, to be honest - he was probably wondering the same thing when you went behind his back and met other men. It doesn't matter if you were at a low point; you do not do that while in a relationship. Take this as a lesson learned. You're not ready for a commitment at this point in your life, and it's not fair of you to continually contact him. He's been very clear he doesn't want you back. Please finally show him some respect and go your separate ways.
Author kerickann Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Yes i made a mistake.. But i really meant nothing, we just meet for a talk about work stuff. I would have never want to meet this person if it's not about work stuff. And i know this person is a friend of my ex. I didn't tell my ex because my ex is very possessive. He would never want me to meet other person even it's for work stuff. Should i really leave my ex alone? There's no way im going back with him? I really meant nothing and apart from this problem, i never did anything to hurt him before. in fact he's very happy while in a relationship with me. and i always try to make my ex happy and always think about his future thanks
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Yes, you really should leave home alone. And no, he likely won't ever come back. You gave him no good reason to want to remain in a relationship with you. He's not stupid, he know you didn't go on Tinder looking for friends to discuss work. Come on, OP. You know that's not the truth. In the future, you need to learn to respect the person you're with by not joining dating apps and talking with other men yo see "if you've still got it." That's ridiculous and a sign you should not be in a relationship. 1
Zahara Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Yes i made a mistake.. But i really meant nothing, we just meet for a talk about work stuff. I would have never want to meet this person if it's not about work stuff. And i know this person is a friend of my ex. I didn't tell my ex because my ex is very possessive. He would never want me to meet other person even it's for work stuff. Should i really leave my ex alone? There's no way im going back with him? I really meant nothing and apart from this problem, i never did anything to hurt him before. in fact he's very happy while in a relationship with me. and i always try to make my ex happy and always think about his future thanks Stop saying it meant nothing. It's selfish. It meant something to him. I don't know who signs up on Tinder and meets people to just talk. If I find it ridiculous, how do you think your ex feels. It's bad enough you both have to handle the distance, now he would have to deal with not being able to trust you. Leave him alone. He's made up his mind. It's over. Work on your self-esteem because seeking others to make you feel good about yourself is only going to keep jeopardizing your future relationships. 1
greenly24 Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 I'm sorry you're in this situation. I know you are pretty upset about all of this and it hurts me to think you have been crying about this. I know you said you have some friends who are also friends with your ex. Have you talked with them about this? Do you think they could give you some guidance? Also I think it's great that you have grown closer to God and are getting baptized. Awesome! By the way, have you prayed about this? God can also give you guidance and comfort you. Maybe you could talk with your pastor or a church friend about this, as well. Keep your head up, you'll be okay
Author kerickann Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Hi, yes I'm doing good this past week. I'm getting closer to God which is amazing for me And yesterday out of nowhere my ex called me he said he want to talk. So we talk for about 15 minutes. I think he kinda miss me or just want to check me up. We laugh and had a very nice conversation. Yes about the tinder thing i know this person and my ex know him too, but not close. That's why i agree to meet him. This person work in a fashion industry and i'm planning to expand my business into fashion industry and need his opinion. My ex know that i didn't do anything with this guy. And i really don't have any hidden agenda. The only problem is that i broke our promise about installing app like tinder. And right now he don't trust me anymore. I know maybe i should leave my ex alone. But i really do believe he is my soulmate, before the break up i'm planning to buy an apartment and stay together with him. I never wanted to live together before him. And i always try to make him the happiest man while i'm with him. Before this problem, our relationship was great. Well for what is worth, I've learned my lesson. I pray to god everyday in the last 2.5 months. And i know now if he's really my soulmate than he'll come back to me. If now then i just need to go on without him although it will break my heart.
greenly24 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Hi, yes I'm doing good this past week. I'm getting closer to God which is amazing for me And yesterday out of nowhere my ex called me he said he want to talk. So we talk for about 15 minutes. I think he kinda miss me or just want to check me up. We laugh and had a very nice conversation. Yes about the tinder thing i know this person and my ex know him too, but not close. That's why i agree to meet him. This person work in a fashion industry and i'm planning to expand my business into fashion industry and need his opinion. My ex know that i didn't do anything with this guy. And i really don't have any hidden agenda. The only problem is that i broke our promise about installing app like tinder. And right now he don't trust me anymore. I know maybe i should leave my ex alone. But i really do believe he is my soulmate, before the break up i'm planning to buy an apartment and stay together with him. I never wanted to live together before him. And i always try to make him the happiest man while i'm with him. Before this problem, our relationship was great. Well for what is worth, I've learned my lesson. I pray to god everyday in the last 2.5 months. And i know now if he's really my soulmate than he'll come back to me. If now then i just need to go on without him although it will break my heart. I'm glad you heard from your ex and that you were able to have a good conversation. It sounds like you are feeling better about where things are now, which is great to hear! I will be praying for you and hope that everything turns out alright. I know that God has a plan for you, so trust in Him.
Author kerickann Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 Dear all, I would like to ask for your oppinion. I've been in a relationship for 1.5 years. It's a long distance relationship. We're in the same country but different city. We have a great relationship. i always make my ex happy Cut story short. I break my ex heart, i meet with someone else but just for a coffee. we didn't do anything. i know i was very wrong, i meet this person to talk about work stuff but i didn't tell my ex. im being dishonest to my ex, but my ex know we didn't do anything We broke up, and around 1.5 months later my ex is getting close with someone but different country, he's originally from my country but work in other country which is veryyy farrr.. they never meet before. their comunication is quite intense. My ex said they are planning to meet this october. My ex said that other person already love my ex, but my ex only like him. Last week we meet up, and then my ex said still love me but confused between me or the other person. We huged and kissed. I said that i don't want to be the option. i think i push my ex to give me the answer that time. and then my ex said can't choose but think that we should see other people. so basically my ex choose him instead of me right? how come my ex said still love me but choose someone that my ex don't even meet before and only like that person? Am i pushing my ex too soon? Last week when we meet, we have a very strong connection. while before my ex dont event want to look me in the eye. Or my ex just miss being with me for a while, but my ex heart is into that other guy? What should i do? i still love my ex very much, we're planning to meet next week for work stuff. should i act like i don't care and moving on? or should i keep persuing my ex? I don't think i can handle when they meet. the thought of them having sex and all just killing me. And i know when they meet, they are going to have the time of their life because that other person is not gonna show his true personality. I'm really torn right now. please give me advice. thank you very much for your kindness
basil67 Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 You don't owe your partner an explanation when you meet someone of the opposite sex for a working coffee. Whatever you do, do not apologise for this any further. As far as getting back with her, do you really want someone who's going to lose it when you meet someone for a work related activity? And even if you do want that, don't lower yourself to someone who needs to be wooed back. You should be going 'no contact' to get over her. But this is hard if you work together. How often do you see each other for work? Can this be changed?
Author kerickann Posted September 21, 2016 Author Posted September 21, 2016 Hi, thanks for your reply I meet this person through Tinder. I only meet this person because im thinking about expanding my work through this person cause this person also work in the same fields and want to have collaboration with me also. But that's not the problem. My ex already forgive me but my ex is kinda seeing someone else. And don't know who to choose. I have better advantage because i live closer to ky ex while this other person is veryyy far in other country. But they are planning to meet in october. Should i move on or should i keep persuing my ex? thanks
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