Should we follow our intuition when dating someone?

[emerald86]

I've been dating this guy for a few months now, and I've been thinking a lot about that gut instinct we feel when we're with someone.

 

When I met this guy, the attraction was instant. I had a certain chemistry with him that I never had with anyone else. This guy is good-looking, intelligent, friendly, and extremely caring. This sounds great, but he seems to good to be true. I've known this guy for a while and I know what his dating history looks like--this guy has dated extremely good-looking, outgoing girls. One of them was a beauty pageant winner, and another was a well-known cheerleader. He's been on first dates with accomplished and attractive women and rejected many of them for a number of reasons (too stuck-up, too demanding, etc.)

 

I'm quite literally exactly the opposite of everyone he's ever dated. I'm quiet and shy, and very plain, looks-wise. I do have goals and hobbies, but I'm pretty average at everything I do. And while this guy is extremely affectionate, I've always been distant and reserved. He tells me he likes me because I'm very easygoing, as well as easy to talk to.

 

This guy has given me no reason to distrust him, but I can't get rid of this nagging feeling that there's no way he actually likes me. And I can’t shake off the doubt I’m feeling about our polar opposite personalities, especially since I’m so different from all of his exes. Three years ago, I dated a guy that all of my friends eventually ended up liking as well, and he cheated on me with one of them. I would hate for something like that to happen again.

 

This feeling that I'm getting--is it intuition or fear? Can we learn to differentiate the two?

[Gaeta]

That is not intuition, it's lack of confidence in yourself and in what you have to offer a man. You don't think you are good enough for him.

 

I am sure you have seen many couples that one of the 2 isn't as attractive. These couples work. They actually work better than 2 hotties together.

 

I have always dated hot guys and body builders. Then my BF came along. He is super tall and skinny like a twig and I love him to bits!! :-) I even feel stupid and silly for previously going after hot guys.

 

Your boyfriend is with you because he wants to be with you. He probably finds you the most endearing woman he's been with.

[leogirl876]

That is not intuition, it's lack of confidence in yourself and in what you have to offer a man. You don't think you are good enough for him.

 

I am sure you have seen many couples that one of the 2 isn't as attractive. These couples work. They actually work better than 2 hotties together.

 

I have always dated hot guys and body builders. Then my BF came along. He is super tall and skinny like a twig and I love him to bits!! :-) I even feel stupid and silly for previously going after hot guys.

 

Your boyfriend is with you because he wants to be with you. He probably finds you the most endearing woman he's been with.

 

I disagree and think it could be your intuition. If you get this hard hitting feeling in your stomach, almost like a pain in your stomach, then you probably shouldn't be with him. When I was younger, I used to ignore that gut feeling, and each time, I got burned. It's taken many years to listen to that gut feeling, and sometimes I wanna ignore it when a guy is good looking and looks good on paper, but each time, I find out my gut was right.

[Methodical]

He went on a first date with a beauty pageant winner, cheerleader, etc. One date. You have been dating for a few months and that gives credence to his explanation about the others being stuck up, snobbish, gold diggers, etc.

 

Gaeta makes an excellent point. You lack self-confidence and self-worth. You describe yourself as plain, quiet, shy, and average...nothing extraordinary. He obviously sees something very different that spikes his interest; otherwise, you would have fallen along the same one-time date that others have experienced.

 

Vulnerability = fear, which isn't conducive to being in a happy, healthy relationship. I understand you were double-crossed by an ex and a so-called friend, but really, it isn't fair to make your current boyfriend pay for your ex's poor behavior.

 

What are the chances this relationship will flourish or fail? 50/50. Here's the thing, you have to step out on that shaky limb at some point and show your true colors, love with all your heart rather than being guarded and withdrawn. Yes, you may get hurt again... OR, you may build a stronger bond with a great guy who is truly looking for an attractive person inside and out. Typically, we are our worst critics, which means you are far from average and plain .

[gorf]

 

And I can’t shake off the doubt I’m feeling about our polar opposite personalities, especially since I’m so different from all of his exes.

 

Ever think maybe he dated

shallow,

empty,

boring,

vain,

plastic,

dull,

oversensitive,

over analytical,

fake,

beauty pageant women, or whatever you want to call them.... got tired of that type of woman, and is looking for a real down to earth woman?

[mbee]

I think the underlying issue is your low self-esteem. I don't know you but you probably have amazing qualities that attract guys.

 

I'm similar in the sense that I tend to date nerdy guys who don't really look attractive. I'm more attracted to personality than looks. Recently I've met a guy who is so hot, charismatic and we have an amazing emotional/mental connection. I did wonder for a moment why he would go for me. I think I'm beautiful but I'm exotic ethnically and beautiful in a non-traditional sense.

 

Then I realized he must be feeling that emotional connection too. During one of our dates he shared something personal and touching with me and said he'd never shown another person in his life this which made me realize he must be feeling something he didn't feel before.

 

Think about the emotional/mental connection you share with this guy. Not everyone is superficial. I know I'm not and when I fall for someone, I'm not thinking about who is better looking than the other. It's possible he wants a genuine woman who enjoys him for who he is.

 

Saying that keep out for any glaring red flags. If his behavior seems suspicious that's a whole different thing worth exploring. But if your concerns are based on the fact that you think he's attractive and likes super attractive women then you have nothing to worry about.

[smudge21]

I'd go with low self esteem over intuition here too. For me, intuition is something that comes early on. You've been dating for a few months. It's fine to have worries and concerns, especially when something feels so right. Try to accept that although he's dated these other girls (who you think are better than you... really, I would imagine that's just how you see them) try to understand that no matter how someone looks, it's what's on the inside that makes for a strong, long lasting relationship. You may be plain looking (I somehow doubt that) but you're clearly twice the person these other girls were. So try to accept that maybe, just maybe, you aren't beneath these other girls... you're actually way above them and have landed a guy that they never could. You don't know what the future holds, so instead just live in the present and enjoy it.

[Toodaloo]

Congratulations you have learnt the lesson that looks are not everything and even the most gorgeous of people can quickly become very ugly if they behave in an ugly way.

 

This isn't intuition. This is you thinking that other women are so much better than you. Trust me when they hit 60 they will have wrinkles and saggy boobs as well!!!

 

You are just as good and in his eyes better. So you hold your head up and be proud of yourself!