smile95 Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Just read someones post that 90% of people will marry at least once in their life-man that made my day!!!!! I am a little down and disappointed with myself today. I keep falling back into this man's trap and I have made a decision that I am getting off this ride! My biggest fears are that I will never find anyone else and that he was "it". He is back to ignoring me and this time will be different for me. I am taking different steps to move on. Clearly what I have done the past 5 times he did this did not work. I think that he enjoys the fact that he can call and tear me away from whatever it is I am doing(or whoever)and I go right backas soon as he says he loves me. I realize that I am going to have bad days. Afterall, he was in my life for 3 yrs and I still love him. But, at least now I know that thisis destructive for me to continue and the longer I wait to move on the more he will do this to me. Iam starting NC AGAIN....but no matter what Iam not giving into him when he decides I am gone in a month. I know that you all have helped me and I have been a broken record. I thank you 100 times over for all of the support. I am finally opening my eyes and seeing what needs to be done and what he is doing to me. He may love me but it is not the kind I want. Mostly it is words. he knows what to say. i feed his ego and he counts on me to be there because he knows I put up with anything and always go back. I cannot wait to post here telliong you all how he flipped out in a month when I ignored HIM! Thanks again for all of your help. Hopefully, there will less and less threads about my problems. My main problem(him) is gone as of today. I want to be productive thu this. When I cry, I guess I should let it come right? Is there anything else to do to speed up the sadness period?
markraine Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Its hard girl, I'm struggling right now, it isn't easy, I feel broken at times, but I keep pushing and pushing, more and more. I found out working out is a great way to relieve the stress and the the pain goes away for awhile, plus it gives you a sexy bod, which is self-improvement and ex's really hate that. I loved the girl I was with, but our relationship was too one sided at times, it hurts, but I'm moving on and getting stronger day by day, I have relapses of course, everyone does, but surround yourself with friends, with positive influences, play some new music, stuff that you enjoy, that doesn't remind you of your ex. Take it day by day, wake up and say each day "I'm more day stronger, I won't worry about him any longer." It takes time, but eventually you will get to that blessed point where you find that you are completely apathetic to him, you'll feel stronger, prouder and as a girl, there are always some great guys out there looking to find somebody, they just hide real well, so choose carefully Good luck to you, I'll be around for awhile I figure, help myself out, as well as others, thats why we are all here anyways, so maybe we can help each other out as well Just be strong, this storm too, shall pass!
Merin Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Sadness is just a part of letting go.. I guess one way to look at it is this.. it's okay to be sad for what you had tried for, but be real with yourself with what it was.. does this make sense? Everyone tends to look at the person they are no longer with as special and wonderful.. and push aside the things that were not and are not so special (unless were talking shortbus special ha!) or wonderful about that person.. so keep it real and when you start thinking about the things that were good (in your mind) redirect yourself to knowing this guy is clearly out of his mind to have not treated you the way he should've so his loss and someone else's gain at some time. Forgive yourself when you have set back's, know it's okay to greive just don't dwell there to long, reward yourself often and speak to yourself gently. Hang in there
Fallen_Angel Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Awww Beth I'm quite happy for you. Making a conscientious decision to stick with NC is huge. It's so easy to say you're going to do it, but then secretly long to hear from your ex all the while knowing it will cause you pain. Keep reminding yourself you deserve better, because it is the absolute truth!!! You're absolutely right about the bad days. We all have them, which is why we're here. But again, it's important to know you're going to have them. No one is perfect. You're not going to erase the memory of someone overnight after 3 years. It's perfectly alright to let yourself cry, so long as you don't let it overtake you. I used to cry all the time. In fact I still do, but now I don't cry for extended periods of time. After a few minutes I'm down to a sniffle, and I start doing something else. I feel better after letting all of it out, and then focus on other things (even mundane things, like watching TV! Anything to keep my mind off the pain!). Unfortunately there's no way to speed up time. I do feel as though the last three months have been a blur, which is something of a blessing and a curse. The only thing you can do is make sure your free time is chock full of activities. Mark is right...don't just sit there! Get out and enjoy the sunshine.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Forgive yourself when you have set back's, know it's okay to greive just don't dwell there to long, reward yourself often and speak to yourself gently. Hang in there Word and remember that their are no absolutes in love and life and be reassured that everyone here on LS will alway's be here for you..
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