bubbl Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Sorry for posting here - not sure if this is the right place for it. I'm still in NC with an ex who broke up with me (it was kinda mutual) 3 weeks ago. i am also currently unemployed and have had to move back to my parents' house while i look for a new place - also had to move towns from a town i really liked. I am starting to feel very depressed about life as nothing good seems to be happening. i have no one to talk to as everyone is just busy with their lives and have their own families. I am in NC and so don't want to contact my ex- but in all honesty, i'm so embarrassed by my life at the moment, I wouldn't want to tell him how everything is falling apart (while he recently got a promotion; has great friends; a great place to live etc). It'll only cement what a pathetic loser he probably thinks I am already. My family are very supportive and i have talked to them, but i don't want to upset them and make them worry about me any more. I try to remind myself about what i'm grateful for (my health,the fact i have a roof over my head etc) but depressive thoughts keep entering my mind. I'm sitting here sobbing as feel so, so down. i literally have no one i can talk to about this. I have nothing i can call my own, or feel proud of. feel completely dependent and useless right now - which is horrible as i'm an independent spirit. the job market in my industry is really bad right now but i'm trying hard. thanks for listening to my rambling.
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 I hear you. Worst thing about being dumped is don't really want to talk about it. It might give you temporary relief but in the long-run no-one will ever feel good about being a VICTIM. So you end up having to do most, if not all of the leg work yourself. I think depression is about stage 5 of the 7 stages of grief so you are progressing. Unfortunately, it can be one of the hardest stages to move out of. You will get there. 1
Author bubbl Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 Thanks, motorcycle gurl . if only i was just starting out! I'm in my very early 30s so to me, this is the time when people's lives are usually getting settled lol, but we'll see. Thanks so much.
aloneinaz Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 My friend, don't beat yourself up. Lots of folks have been where you are and they navigated through it and came out the other side fine. It's something that can really help you grow in life as you learn to overcome adversity. My suggestions? Get yourself busy. Focus on your future. You're life's in front of you. Keep looking for work, even if it's not in your field. Get a paycheck coming in which will improve your outlook. In the meantime, you can volunteer which provides good networking opportunities and also gets you out of your house (and your head). It also provides some social situations too. Working out is excellent for improving moods and outlooks. It burns that stress and frustration as well. Build a good daily routine that will keep you busy and productive. Enjoy this time as much as you can. Before you know it, you'll be back at work in your field, working 50 hours a week, wondering why you didn't enjoy the time off more! 1
Author bubbl Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 Thanks, Alone- you always give great advice. I have been working out etc to beat stress, but will do more, and will hopefully get a new role soon. it's so bad i can't seem to find anything, but will keep trying.
Author bubbl Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 Thanks, Marky - sorry I missed your post. Yeah, it sucks. Hugs if you're going through it, too.
Scared2loveagain Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 I am sorry you are going through such a hard time, I myself am currently dealing with the depression of my now Ex-Fiance leaving me over something that we could have talked over and fixed together. We were together for 5 years so you can only imagine the amount of memories we made together and I now have to figure out how to sort through and forget until I can move on. It has been a really hard road honestly and I am only one month in I cannot imagine the pain and agony the next few months have in store for me. If you need anyone I am here, maybe we can go through this pain together.
Bumble82 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Bubbl... I'm in a very similar situation right now, and feeling exactly the same, so I feel your pain! I was living with my ex in the states (we're both from the UK) and he broke up with me. I was meant to be there with him until the end of this year, but as I was living there with him and not being able to work (visa wise) I had no choice but to come back to the UK, after some travelling in the states and Costa Rica. Anyway, I'm now back with no job, home and very little money... Sleeping on the sofa in my brothers flat in a city I moved away from nearly 2 years ago because I didn't want to live there anymore, trying to get work ASAP so I can get my own place somewhere else in the country. I feel the same as you, just depressed at my rubbish life, when ALL of my friends are settled and happy with boyfriends, husbands, babies. It's awful... I turn 34 next month and just can't believe this has happened to my life, just as things were going so well! The break up was a massive shock as we were a great couple and had a fantastic relationship! Even my ex knows that... Classic commitment phobe but doesn't know it. Anyway my point is you're not alone! Rant away on here, rant away to me and I'll scream at the world with you! Life is just unfair sometimes eh?
Author bubbl Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 Thanks so much, Scared2Love and Bumble. Honestly, that is exactly what I'm thinking -wtf has happened to my life?! It's a complete sorry joke. The worst thing is I've worked so hard and just have nothing to show for it ATM. Yep, friends are having babies, getting married and I'm so far from anything like that. Sorry you're going through breakups too just to add to the misery. Argh. Am so tempted to email my ex but he'll ask how I am and then what do I say, lol. I have no job, no place of my own, away from a town I love (he's still there and loving it, I'm sure). I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but just needed to vent a little. Feeling a bit btr from when I first posted the thread- was in actual tears then but now just too exhausted to cry. Hugs to everyone on here.
MomLeslieM Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 You definitely are not alone - I know a young lady (yes, you are young still!) who is in the same position as you too. Focus on the positives you mentioned and try to write down 2 or 3 good things each day - as little as a cloud in a blue sky or the funny antics of a puppy or kitten to something big like the roof over your head, etc. As you focus on those positives and try to move forward you will see your dreams start to be fulfilled. This is just a small setback along the way - and you will probably look back at it and not even see it as a setback someday in the future.
asphyxis Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I just surpassed the 2nd month post break up. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still depressed. I am very much so, but I'm in the angry depressed stage. It's not I can't move on, I've accepted it and each day is getting better. I'm still stuck with the aftermath of the relationship, and coming to terms how abusive it was, emotionally. I found out with solid evidence that my ex was emotionally cheating on me with multiple women months prior to our split. Each day is getting easier. I'm in the sluggish stage with dealing with my emotions, and I acknowledge them, and try to process why I'm feeling the way I am logically in the moment, but I don't dwell on it. The hardest part is navigating moving forward. Be gentle and easy on yourself.
Ady1974 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Hang in there bubbl. I went through something very similar a few years ago. I moved to another city for a job. The company closed a few months later and 3 months after that my 7 year relationship ended. I was broken. My bottom was when a friend of mine told me that i am the most down and out person he knows. I felt like a piece of crap and life was just horrible, but you just keep going. This happens and will happen to someone else again, but you need to learn from it and move on. Something bigger and better awaits you. Have faith. Keep yourself busy and break your time up if you have to. Break the day up into hours or ten minute chunks of time. Keep busy for 10 minutes and that will turn into an hour and so on. Also don't feel bad about leaning on your family. Don't worry about upsetting them or making them feel bad. I'm sure they don't even feel the way you think they do. We all go through tough times and we lean on our friends and family when we need to. Talk to someone if you must. Either here on a forum or in person. I found an outsiders perspective was always very helpful. Be strong, your dark days will become less and less, but above all DON'T give up.
Author bubbl Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 @MomLeslie- many thanks. it's nice knowing i'm not alone and I will try to look at the positives (like my supportive family) . @asphysix - thanks and sorry to hear you're feeling down too. But be thankful you're not in that relationship anymore- the guy sounds like a douchebag (no offence). It would have been worse in the long run. @Ady1974 - many thanks. it's nice knowing someone went through this and is now better/has somehow managed to get through it. i'm glad you did. yes, these are very dark days and sometimes i feel hopeless, but we'll see.
Bialy Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Life happens! More, importantly though, life is not a race. I used to feel the same way, but I've learned to accept and enjoy my own personal journey. Whenever you're feeling down, just take a positive spin on things. You have a chance at a clean start. You're unemployed, but this allows you the flexibility to aggressively search for new employment. You're living at home, but at least you have supportive family that is looking out for you! That goes a long way. So many people don't even have that and are forced to live with roommates while being unemployed. Things will pick up for you! It may not take as long as you suspect.
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