1st date, 2nd base, but then she tells me she just got out of a serious relationship

[thecupid]

We had a small party of maybe 6-7 people. My friend brought along her friend who was immediately interested in talking to me. We talked throughout the night, one-on-one, and as a group. At times, she and I were talking to other people of course because it was a small party.

 

We:

--played card games together as a group and had fun

--she said she wants my hair and my eyebrows (because she thought they look good)

--we sang out-of-tune to classic rock songs together while group hugging

--we danced together, as a group and with each other

--we arm-wrestled together

--we walked together for a bit for late night food (as a group again) and then remembered that it's a drive-thru only. She joked 'I'm a vehicle then', I said 'yeah, sure you are, I'd ride you!'. It was a joke and she laughed and said 'you're a level 5 drunk right now' and pinched my butt while walking (wtf?).

--I had my arm around her waist while we were walking at times

--when her friends were finally leaving and taking her along, she hugged me and said 'bye'.

--during some point, I got her Facebook.

 

My question is should / can I have done more than this provided that it was my first time meeting her and it was a small party so taking her away from our mutual friends for some one-on-one conversation was hard?

 

My next question is: does this mean anything? She is super-friendly so she might be that way to everyone or maybe thinking of me as a good friend. How do I make out the difference and ask her out? How long should I wait in context to Facebook message her?

 

We are going out as a group again for icecream next week. Should I text her at all before that time?

[angel.eyes]

Yes! Did she give you her phone number? If not message her through Facebook telling her you enjoyed meeting her. If her response is positive, suggest getting together before the group ice cream event

[thecupid]

Yes! Did she give you her phone number? If not message her through Facebook telling her you enjoyed meeting her. If her response is positive, suggest getting together before the group ice cream event

 

I didn't ask for her phone number since I have her Facebook and can always private message her there. I was thinking of dropping a text to reference the fact that I'm watching a show she recommended I see.

 

As for asking her out before the group ice cream event, we are both busy university students. We met on a weekend, and planned this group event for the next weekend. I'm not sure if suggesting we meet before that would be wise, since I'm afraid it will be a "no, I'm busy with <blah>". I wouldn't know how to bring it back from there. Do you think I should still ask her out before the group event? Also, should I call for that or just a facebook message would do?

[angel.eyes]

Talking about the show is a nice opening.

 

That's why you get her phone number from her. You can't call her via FB. As for being busy, it will only get busier as the school year gears up. Either you ask her out and start to develop something 1:1 or you continue as a group friend buddy and remain part of the herd.

[thecupid]

Talking about the show is a nice opening.

 

That's why you get her phone number from her. You can't call her via FB. As for being busy, it will only get busier as the school year gears up. Either you ask her out and start to develop something 1:1 or you continue as a group friend buddy and remain part of the herd.

 

I texted her on FB about the show and got a brief conversation going. The amount of smileys in her texts tell me that she's interested so I asked her out. As I thought, she's busy during the week and on the weekend she's headed home. But then I asked for her phone number, called her, and she said she can do Wednesday. So that's that.

 

What is expected on this date (other than dinner of course)? I mean I'm European and American dating seems convoluted to me at times with so many unspoken rules.

 

Are we only eating together and then splitting? Or eating and possibly doing something else after? A movie at home? But "a movie at my place" sounds code for "let me feel you up". Only a hook up is not my intention with this girl. I could see us being more than that, so I have no problem waiting for sex but at the same time, I would like to get some intimacy going to make things a little romantic. Any ideas would help.

 

Thanks

[smackie9]

Just take something out of one of those conversations you had with her during the party, like a type of food she likes, or a place she has an interested in and incorporate that into a date....use your imagination. "just dinner" boring.

[angel.eyes]

If dinner goes well, go for a walk afterwards...nothing too strenuous and be mindful of the shoes she's wearing. Ideally it should be somewhere nice and relatively well-populated--the beach, a nice local park, etc.

[thecupid]

Talking about the show is a nice opening.

 

That's why you get her phone number from her. You can't call her via FB. As for being busy, it will only get busier as the school year gears up. Either you ask her out and start to develop something 1:1 or you continue as a group friend buddy and remain part of the herd.

 

Thanks for your advice on calling her. I met her today and she said she really liked that I asked her out on call instead of texting her. She also said she wouldn't have gone out with me otherwise thinking that I probably just want a casual hookup.

 

(..more details below..)

[thecupid]

Talking about the show is a nice opening.

 

That's why you get her phone number from her. You can't call her via FB.

 

Thanks for your advice about calling her. She said she would not gave gone out if I had just texted her.

[thecupid]

So we went out today to a Sushi place and it was nice. We walked around for a while, and then she came over to my place where we played some music that she wanted to show me.

 

We ended up making out and I got to the second base. Needless to say, there was good chemistry between us. She said I'm hot and that she likes me. Things seemed to go as perfect as they could go but for this one little thing:

 

Later into the night as she detects that I'm for real into her she mentions that she just got out of a serious relationship and would like to take things slow. And that she "doesn't know where she's at right now". She said we can hang out but not go fast. I'm concerned because she told me that she was in this town with her ex for a year before they broke up, then she went home, and now that she's back "everything here reminds her of that time". That sounds like a red flag to me. Like she's hung over her ex. But then she said "don't get me wrong, I broke up with him..".

 

Talking about her previous relationship on a first date is kind of a red flag, wouldn't you say? She's obviously sad about the whole thing and I'm afraid might be hung up on it.

 

I like her but I don't know how to proceed from here. She obviously wants some space? How often should I call or text her now that we've been kind of intimate (2nd base) and have a connection? Any suggestions for the second date and when?

[ttherrera]

I really understand how you feel.

 

I dated a girl before and took her to a place where she used to have a lot of good times with her ex. I was worried about it as well.

 

However, I just let things slow, kept making her happy. In the end, I can take her to that place again and she never think about her ex again. (as far as I know)

 

In your chase, she and her ex already broke up for a while. There's noting to worry about. Just be with her and make her smile. And one day, she will be yours

 

To your question about when will you should have a date, I would say just keep talking to her and find a chance to ask her out eg for movie and any events that she might be interested.

[ThorntonMelon]

I'd text her in a week and tell her you had a great time, but that you know she's still dealing with her past relationship - you'd love to get to know her better when she's ready for something real and she should definitely stay in touch.

 

Under no circumstances would I start dating her. She's going to completely control the relationship with whatever timing/rules she wants to put on it and you'll spend more time analyzing than enjoying. Take the high road now and she'll come and get you if she's really interested. She pumped the brakes on this, not you.

[Miss Peach]

This happened to me once. The guy looked me up on FB and sent me a message asking for my number. He asked me out from there. We met up and dated briefly. I broke it off in the end because we weren't on the same page in terms of what we were looking for but I still see him as a good guy and we sometimes bump into each other at friend's parties.

[LD1990]

When you two were making out, who stopped things from escalating further?

 

I wouldn't worry too much about what she said at this point. Everyone is going through something. Play it cool. Call or text her when you want, but don't do it just to chat, do it to set up another date.

[thecupid]

When you two were making out, who stopped things from escalating further?

 

I wouldn't worry too much about what she said at this point. Everyone is going through something. Play it cool. Call or text her when you want, but don't do it just to chat, do it to set up another date.

 

It was her who stopped things from escalating beyond 2nd base.

[thecupid]

I'd text her in a week and tell her you had a great time, but that you know she's still dealing with her past relationship - you'd love to get to know her better when she's ready for something real and she should definitely stay in touch.

 

Under no circumstances would I start dating her. She's going to completely control the relationship with whatever timing/rules she wants to put on it and you'll spend more time analyzing than enjoying. Take the high road now and she'll come and get you if she's really interested. She pumped the brakes on this, not you.

 

Seems like fair advice to me -- especially with the her being in complete control of the relationship part. I don't want to chase her beyond reason this early and spend time analyzing what's going on in her head.

[thecupid]

So here's how it stands right now:

 

I called her briefly after our first date and made a joke about the fact that she left blonde hairs all over my hair brush that she used before she left (I'm brunette). She seemed friendly and cool for the brief conversations we had, so I asked her if she wants to go this great place I just heard about to get food next week. She said 'she's going to be busy with some presentations that she's making'. She sounded sincere when saying this so I doubt that she's lying about it. However, she did not say 'I'd love to, but not this week, how about (next week)...' or anything like that. So I'm guessing she's not really interested.

 

So after the call, I decided to stay dormant and let go. To make matters confusing though, she sent me 1 random text about her 'vocal range' the next day following the day I called her (we sang some duets together when she was at my place since we are both singers -- me in a rock band, she in a choir). I replied to her text and then...no response. Very confusing and convoluted.

 

Any ideas about what's going on with her? Should I just stop texting her completely and let it go until she tries to make plans from her side? Or should I keep trying to talk and set up a second date?

Edited September 11, 2016 by thecupid

[rester]

Any ideas about what's going on with her?

 

Sounds like she's bored and maybe lonely and enjoys the attention you're giving her, but is not ready to date anyone.

 

Should I just stop texting her completely and let it go until she tries to make plans from her side?

 

I would let it go but wouldn't count on her trying to make plans again. If she does, you can decide if you want to meet with her or not, but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

 

Or should I keep trying to talk and set up a second date?

 

I wouldn't bother. She turned you down for another date and didn't show any interest in rescheduling.

[smackie9]

When the brakes go on, that's your cue to cut her loose.