Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 So after 4 months break up, Now we are talking back and working things out slowly. Things are clear she says she loves me and want to be together and work things out. she Text me all day where she is and what she is doing, Pictures and flirts as of nothing happened. We opened up about what happened during the break up and all and who we flirted with. she she says nothing sexual has happened and its been rough for her to connect to anyone. then she sent me a picture of a guy she said she talked to with info about where is he from and all part of it he was visiting the city and he left and hes engaged ( she discovered that later ). Today i came across the guy on Instagram and came to know the following * he lives in the same city * she lied about who he is * she lied about the name * hes not engaged * she liked every single pic and still comments on the pics with like inside jokes even from 4 days ago Im not sure if they are still in contact but the fact she lied about all of this is a concern now im not sure what to do ... confront her ? let it go ? we are doing good dont want to start a fight ... what the best approach here
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 The best approach is to expect the absolute worst. Nothing she tells you right now should be believed. If she loved you, I don't think she would be sending you photos of guys she's chatting to. You don't disrespect people you love.
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 The best approach is to expect the absolute worst. Nothing she tells you right now should be believed. If she loved you, I don't think she would be sending you photos of guys she's chatting to. You don't disrespect people you love. she asked me to send the pics and she sent it too, its mutual agreement wasnt hurt or anything the point is she lied about this guy and feel there is still contact of some sort i could be wrong but again how do I approach this without starting a fight. I even said if you had sex its cool we were broken up things happen and told her I did but she keep saying she didnt such a mess lol
Zahara Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 (edited) I read you other threads. In about a month from your break-up, you're both trying to work it out again. I can't imagine anything has changed within that short period of time. Question your motives for getting back, specifically on her part since what's driven her to always keep running back to you has been the lack of prospects out there. I read about the negatives she's felt about you and the relationship and this only weeks ago. I think you're going to head back into Round 2 of pain and hurt. Both of you haven't had enough time apart to gain any sense of emotional clarity to really figure out if this is right. I think you both are together - you from desperately needing her back, ex from lack of prospects and the need to have "someone" in her life. As for the lies, you can't be doing good if there's already dishonesty between the two of you. Being afraid of rocking the boat only conditions you to become submissive and tolerant. Edited September 8, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 I read you other threads. In about a month from your break-up, you're both trying to work it out again. I can't imagine anything has changed within that short period of time. Question your motives for getting back, specifically on her part since what's driven her to always keep running back to you has been the lack of prospects out there. I read about the negatives she's felt about you and the relationship and this only weeks ago. I think you're going to head back into Round 2 of pain and hurt. Both of you haven't had enough time apart to gain any sense of emotional clarity to really figure out if this is right. I think you both are together - you from desperately needing her back, ex from lack of prospects and the need to have "someone" in her life. As for the lies, you can't be doing good if there's already dishonesty between the two of you. Being afraid of rocking the boat only conditions you to become submissive and tolerant. well just rocked the boat she still stacked to the story that hes engaged now and he doesn't live in the city and there is no contact i said ill give you a chance to make it clear and come clean lets cool off then will talk later again. here answer there is no convo. whatever that means. didnt answer she sends a picture of a shoe she just bought and asks if I like it lol didnt answer either
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 You are not reading between the lines. Actions speak louder than words. A girl that is into a guy or sees him as relationship material would not send a pic of another guy she is talking to. Doesn't matter that you agreed or even asked her. The fact she actually sent it to is a big red flag.
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 You are not reading between the lines. Actions speak louder than words. A girl that is into a guy or sees him as relationship material would not send a pic of another guy she is talking to. Doesn't matter that you agreed or even asked her. The fact she actually sent it to is a big red flag. not if I asked. im worried about lots of other red flags
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 I read you other threads. In about a month from your break-up, you're both trying to work it out again. I can't imagine anything has changed within that short period of time. Question your motives for getting back, specifically on her part since what's driven her to always keep running back to you has been the lack of prospects out there. I read about the negatives she's felt about you and the relationship and this only weeks ago. I think you're going to head back into Round 2 of pain and hurt. Both of you haven't had enough time apart to gain any sense of emotional clarity to really figure out if this is right. I think you both are together - you from desperately needing her back, ex from lack of prospects and the need to have "someone" in her life. As for the lies, you can't be doing good if there's already dishonesty between the two of you. Being afraid of rocking the boat only conditions you to become submissive and tolerant. just a little follow up I actually care to reconcile but not desperate as i wanted to be friends then she started pushing in and flirt and if I dont answer she gets worried im mad or she did something wrong. all the right signs that she really want to make it work but I hate dishonesty even if she thinks hiding things not to start a fight is a good idea for now I was clear with her now. I said I dont care is it done and out of your system and contact is done ? she said yes 100% i said cool new page dont mess it up this time
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 not if I asked. im worried about lots of other red flags the fact you asked doesn't matter. If you asked her to kiss another guy and she did it, would you be cool with that? If she loved you or w/e, she'd say NO F***ING WAY would I kiss another guy.
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 the fact you asked doesn't matter. If you asked her to kiss another guy and she did it, would you be cool with that? If she loved you or w/e, she'd say NO F***ING WAY would I kiss another guy. now Im feeling guilty cuz i sent her all the pics of the girls I have been with since the break up ( as an just flirting) ! but doesn't mean that I don't love her lol
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 now Im feeling guilty cuz i sent her all the pics of the girls I have been with since the break up ( as an just flirting) ! but doesn't mean that I don't love her lol tread carefully here. I feel like you are more invested than she is. and don't pretend to act cool if deep down your not. because eventually she will see the cracks and you will then become a dead man walking. the cooler and more nonchalant you act, the more leeway you give her to do the same which ultimately will hurt you if you still love her.
Author Ash_cad Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 tread carefully here. I feel like you are more invested than she is. and don't pretend to act cool if deep down your not. because eventually she will see the cracks and you will then become a dead man walking. the cooler and more nonchalant you act, the more leeway you give her to do the same which ultimately will hurt you if you still love her. At this point I think we are equally invested and the reason we are not 100% back together that I actually live over seas ( no it was not a LD relationship all 4 years together physically and she moved here with me and we broke up while she was visiting her family due to a fight) As of right now her family is not allowing her to come back because they said I did hurt her and she spent days and nights crying. so there is an obstacle we agreed to do this LD kind of until we are 100% sure we are back and ready then will approach the family and fix it. her idea to let it cool off for a month or 2 and at the same time we work on ourselves for a bit.
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