Chrys Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 This has been going long enough, i am sorry for the long post but i really need help since i am losing my mind... Things to know: She is a girl that had a lot of boyfriends, got her heart broken multiple times, and was pretty much a bit slutty all her life if i can say that Me and this girl go to college together. We started being sex buddies in April. She said she liked me since October but didn't really know how to make a move. At that time i didn't really think much of being with her. We texted, she sent me her nudes, and was madly in love with me. As time moved on she grew on me as a person and i started liking her more. At the end of May just as i was planning on asking her for a relationship she told me she has a boyfriend, since we weren't in a relationship (which was fine, i really didn't mind). The thing is she still liked me and we continued texting and everything was the same, i even told her that i want a relationship with her, and she wanted it with me but not then because she really liked her boyfriend also.. Here is where it becomes tricky, and where my three painful months come into play. She broke up with him just a month later, and we ended up together the day after. Basically she was devastated by the breakup since he was as she says: perfect for her. After that she told me she wants to change and doesn't want to be a girl that jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend. Also told me she wants to be with me but i have to wait, and when she is ready for a relationship she will tell me. And i decided to wait. These were the 3 worst months of my life. Constantly overthinking everything, worrying, i was always there for her (my mistake), helped her through everything, worried about things with her etc. As time passed it didn't get better, it's like it was going worse. I was with other girls in this period, but i was always thinking about her... So yesterday i find out while we were on Skype that she got over her ex, but likes being alone and doesn't feel like being in a relationship. (She still talks about us being together in the future and shows me signs that she likes me etc.) And she still continues to reject every boy that comes her way. Today however, she asked me: "we are not in a relationship, i was wondering if you would be mad if i try to satisfy my needs from time to time. Just casual sex." I told her no but if she really likes me and wants to be with me why wouldn't she do it with me then, since the last 3 months were me trying and her rejecting my every move saying: "not yet, i don't want to be with anyone yet", and now she is asking me if she can do it with someone else here and there... She then told me: "I don't want to since i am having feelings towards you, i don't just want to be with you for 1 night, it is strange to me". But then she told me she is just kidding, she is not really planning on doing that since she is done with all that one night stand thing, and doesn't want to have sex with me until we are in a relationship. I asked her if our feelings are mutual; i told her i am in love with her. She said she likes me very much and is a little in love with me but nothing too much (although that is only natural since we haven't really seen eachother much since college ended.) When i asked her: if that is all true and you say you are ready, why not be in a relationship right now, why do i still need to wait? And she told me that every day she is calculating in her head if she wants to be in a relationship or not, and is still deciding if she wants to go to that path of relationship right now. We haven't really seen each other since college has finished, but in 3 weeks it is starting again and she said that it is a good thing since we will see eachother every day. Okay so what is happening here exactly?? How should i go from here on out? What should i do? Do i go colder or what? I honestly doubt this will work and it is my own fault that i decided to wait for her, but what do i really do now?
bummer Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 This has been going long enough, i am sorry for the long post but i really need help since i am losing my mind... Things to know: She is a girl that had a lot of boyfriends, got her heart broken multiple times, and was pretty much a bit slutty all her life if i can say that Me and this girl go to college together. I honestly doubt this will work and it is my own fault that i decided to wait for her, but what do i really do now? Did you read your first paragraph? And your last one? And the part where you say you're in college? You are effectively taking a stick and repeatedly hitting your own nuts over the last few months for the slim chance a girl will let you be a rebound, not-just-a-friend-with-benefits friend-with-benefits. Then in your head you think she's going to be your gf. Here's your next move: You go sub-zero cold and stop talking to this girl. Then you explore campus to find find someone who wants to be in a relationship. That is all. 2
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 This girl is emotionally unavailable, it's time to stop hoping she is THAT into you....she's not. 2
kimberlyclark Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 If you think your partner is not interested in you, ending the relationship will be better option than taking time that could cause emotional baggage later. Don't be disheartened if your relationship did not work well, browse around this website and find different people to be friends who are like-minded, and gives you importance that you desire for.
spiderowl Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 (edited) Hmm, difficult situation. It sounds like you have fallen for her and she is aware but not reciprocating. I would ignore all talk of might, possibly, in the future. If she is not in a relationship with you at the moment, it is because she does not want to be. She might like you a lot but still feel there is someone out there who might be more compatible. She is keeping all her options open. This is not fair on you but it is her choice. What you can do is to help her to realise you are not going to hang around waiting for her to choose you. Make yourself less available to her. Go out with other groups so that you and she are not always sharing the same social circles. Once she realises you are not going to be endlessly available to her, she will either accept that and carry on as she is doing, or seek to get you back. However, to be a prize to her you need to be OK without her and enjoying yourself. I don't know if she is worth trying to 'get' or not. That is your decision really. I would certainly not bother with any more possibles. She is not currently in love with you so unless the attraction is built up, she's just going to leave you hanging around waiting for her to try others first. What would make you more attractive would be if you were not available to her. Edited September 18, 2016 by spiderowl
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