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Does texting kill ruin your chances with someone?

CasualDude10

By CasualDude10
in General Relationship Discussion

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CasualDude10 Established Member

CasualDude10

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I have been going through a bunch of ups and downs in relationships and have been reading up on "self help" to find out what I am doing wrong in relationships and ran into this question.

 

Does texting kill attraction?

 

I am only 21 years old so I was raised in this era of texting as a means of communicating. It is a norm for people to always have their phones on them and I was always led to believe that texting is a necessity in a relationship and you should always text the other person you are interested in as much or it will be seen as rude or lack of interest when you do not text them. Now the problem is, it has never worked out for me. I have found majority (I am talking 90% of the time) the women who at first are head over heals for me, lose attraction after 2-3 weeks because of conversations and how they tend to get dry. The other 10% I end because I get so annoyed of the girl that is talking to me, so I feel like this is the way most people think.

 

According to Doc Love, Corey Wayne, and business strategies, texting is only for setting the next date. If you text more it kills attraction and the mystery, which will lead to the "friend zone" and or just straight up rejection.

 

I have read other forums and read what most women put, and they say that they feel as if the spark is there you should be able to text all day and not get sick of each other.

 

What is your stance on texting? Should it be for setting dates or as a way of communicating daily?

  • Like 1
Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

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I am of the Corey Wayne school of thought. Although I will say I would text my GF more if she outright says she loves me. But dating stages? Keep it chill.

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I like texting when the person is a good texter and when it serves a purpose (even if it is silly or humorous) to keep you connected.

 

I don't like it (sounding like you specifically mean at the beginning) when the person is boring, dull or has nothing 'really' to say. I don't think some people know they are this person though. Or they feel the obligation or need to text overrides the fact that they suck at it or are just plain boring.

 

Some guys are good texters at times but blunt or short when they don't really have time or their minds are on other things. That's fine with me because I have it in perspective--some girls are more needy than that or will feel let down. Not gonna lie, sometimes guys are a little too blunt (it's funny later kinda but may not go down well in the moment!!).

 

I think trying to resolve a disagreement with your guy by text is NOT the preferred way!!! But it does happen--try not to do that. It's more sincere and less chance for misinterpretation if they hear your voice or see you in person to clear up misunderstandings or discuss important things.

  • Like 2
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I think that for younger people, texting is pretty much a necessity. When I started dating, I remember going to visit girls, or having phone conversations that lasted for hours. Nowadays, I wish you luck trying to get a woman to even answer her phone.

 

One thing to keep in mind about texting, is that it is very easy for people to take things the wrong way. There is a school near my place that recently barred all teachers from communicating with parents via email and text, because so many parents made complaints about rude teachers. Once they started having to talk on the phone or talk in person, complaints all but went away.

 

Yeah the tone a person gives when having a phone or in person conversation often conveys more positive and empathetic feelings than blunt or poorly worded texts or messages.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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Texting kills my attraction, if you read my other thread recently. I think it's best to call the person, set up the date, make the day, time and place known and then call the person 1 or 2 days in advance to confirm. Don't call and text in between either. I'm in huge agreeing with Corey Wayne, except he doesn't believe in confirming. I think confirming is important, especially if it's early dating and especially for OLD.

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Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I get annoyed at too many texts, especially early on. I have other things to do than text all day and all evening. I don't even text my friends all that much. Sometimes, to catch up, sometimes to share a joke, most times to set up our next hang out.

 

Granted, I'm not in your demographic (40f) but have found myself having to explain to men that I'm not a huge fan of texting. Some do try to build intimacy that way and, generally, I just end up finding it annoying because, there I am, having dinner with friends, and there this guy is trying to engage me in a conversation.

 

I think it varies though. Some people like texting. It makes them feel valued and connected. Still, at the beginning of a relationship, you are likely better off keeping texts short, simple and to the point. That way, the woman who love texting will be excited when they hear from you and those who don't won't find you invasive.

 

And no, I don't prefer phone calls. I prefer dates. Let's get to know each other in person.

  • Like 1
NVO Established Member

NVO

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I am of the Corey Wayne school of thought. Although I will say I would text my GF more if she outright says she loves me. But dating stages? Keep it chill.

 

I'm with Teknoe. But just do what feels natural and keep texting about fun topics. I never ask how her day was through text, unless she asks how my day was. I stay away from 'Hey' or 'What's up?' texts as well. Tease her, make funny comments, use emoticons, send her pictures. Just be fun.

 

And whenever a conversation stalls, just let it be. Don't feel the need to always have the last word. If she says something and you don't know what to reply, or you don't want to, just leave it at that. I used to stress about this a lot, thinking I need to keep the conversation going no matter what. That comes off as needy and it doesn't makes me feel good as well. This means that maybe you won't hear from her for a week, but they'll always come back. It may be days, weeks, months or years. But they will. When they do and you are still interested, ask her out. That's what I like about Corey Wayne's approach. And if they don't, she wasn't for you anyway.

 

The difficulty with these questions is that it varies from person to person. That's why you want a confident woman who communicates well. She will tell you if you text her too much, or she will text you to let you know she wants your attention.

 

Granted, I'm not in your demographic (40f) but have found myself having to explain to men that I'm not a huge fan of texting.

See? There are women out there who can communicate their needs instead of just dropping off the face of the earth because you did something wrong.

 

I agree there's a fine line between too much attention and giving her no attention, and that line is blurred as well. And I don't have the answers, I guess no-one does. Just don't come off as needy and blow up her phone when she does not reply. Remain cool even if you are going crazy on the inside. This way you prevent yourself from doing something embarrassing you are going to regret later on, and you make it look like she is more invested in you than the other way around.

Edited by NVO
  • Like 1
Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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I don't like a lot of texting before I actually have a date with a guy.

 

For example: I am OLD at the moment. On Monday, a guy asked me out on a date for this Friday. Cool, I thought.

 

However, he still continued to text me questions about myself --- all "getting to know you" type questions. My thought is, why ask me all of these great questions over text when I'm going to be seeing you in a few short days? Hold on to them and let's get to know each other in person.

 

I told him just that and he totally understood.

 

If it was up to me, I would have suggested meeting up the next day or the day after that. When there is more than 1-2 days of waiting, this younger generation gets antsy and they want to fill in the time with texting.

 

It's not necessarily a bad thing --- but it's easy to make snap judgements or to write someone off if they don't want to text back as often before they get to know you in person.

Edited by Bialy
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CasualDude10 Established Member

CasualDude10

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I feel as texting does kill attraction but it is needed for people to feel as if they are together or going to be.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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I feel as texting does kill attraction but it is needed for people to feel as if they are together or going to be.

 

I think meeting in person, regularly, is more important than texting when it comes to building attraction.

 

You say yourself that texting a lot doesn't seem to work for you. So text less and try to build attraction in person. See where that takes you.

 

I've only met one guy who was skilled at building attraction through text. He was also very good at mirroring (matching my level of interaction) and was very playful.

  • Like 1
biker23 Established Member

biker23

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I believe it really varies with people. However in general I feel it should grow with the relationship. Early on I look for the girl to initiate. I'll initiate some so it's not one way. Then as it gets more serious it's just conversation but again varies on the person. I can't talk at work but can txt. If we aren't on a date I try to talk a few times a week. If you are both sitting at home. Try to call.

 

That said I've had women that text constantly. Good morning. Good night. What's up etc etc

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Sure texting is very popular with the younger generation but younger generation isn't different than the rest of human beings.

 

Too much of something WILL kill the attraction whether it's attraction to a person or attraction to chocolate.

 

Another rule that governs all human is a bit of absence makes the heart grow founder. I don't care if you are 18 or 48, if you don't hear from your guy for half a day or a day you will look forward to hear from them even more.

 

So my suggestion to you is to rightfully dosage your texting.

 

** I strongly believe in not texting during a work day. The day is meant to WORK or to STUDY not to chase down and seduce women/men.

 

A text in the morning to wish her a good day is nice and appreciated from all women but that's it ! You wish her a good day and both of you wait till after work to get news from each other.

 

** As you see each other more the texting should diminish considerably.

 

** It's not because she texts you a lot that you have to do the same. Just set the rules of texting by example. She text too much than just tell her you got to get back to work and talk later. This will create anticipation and trust me it will keep her interest alive.

 

** More you text more you risk saying something stupid that will turn her off.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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it all depends. If it was with someone that I had an attraction for awhile already and knew, then it wouldn't be an issues.

 

Someone I just met, it would be a turn off because emotional intimacy has not been established yet so it would seem inappropriate.

  • Like 2
Mystique01 Established Member

Mystique01

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IMO too much texting in the beginning is an attraction killer for me. :(

 

I mean, it's nice to get a "good morning beautiful" text in the morning every once in a while, but when it comes to REAL conversations, especially deep and meaningful ones, I actually prefer to have those either in person or over the phone.

 

I can handle maybe a couple of "getting to know you questions" via text, but after a while, I want a guy to call me. Honestly, I get tired of typing out my answers, and plus, I find it sexy to hear his voice and his laugh over the phone via just words through text. It's also quicker to get responses and have conversations over the phone, whereas the time it took you to type out a response, you could have long since said what you needed to say if you just spoke it.

 

Texting is fine if we're both at work and want to say a quick hi, or make plans for tomorrow night's date. But after work I much prefer a phone call. A phone call tells me the guy is serious about me. With a text it can be so impersonal. It can seem like it's a bit arm's length distance. Plus, he could be texting me and other multiple girls at the same time, so it doesn't really feel all that special to me. He could be doing the same thing w/phone calls too, but it seems harder to pull that off imo.

 

Idk....it just turns me off. One guy I was dating would text me these long conversations and ask me questions and stuff. After about a week of that I just asked him to call me lol. He thought he was "bothering me" by calling me, and I was like: "NO!" :laugh: So from then on he called, and I enjoyed our conversations MUCH better. In fact, I felt more chemistry from him over the phone than via text. It was SO much nicer hearing his deep voice over the phone. :)

 

 

Then again, keep in mind that I grew up in an era where we didn't have text messaging at one point. In fact, cell phones weren't really gaining popularity until maybe my sophomore/junior year in HS. Before cell phones it was beepers/pagers. I grew up actually TALKING on the phone to my friends, so speaking over the phone isn't a big deal to me. I can carry on normal conversations via the phone and not feel "weird" or "awkward". Not sure why people feel so weirded out about cell phone calls these days smh.

 

I think texting is a little more okay when I'm actually in an established relationship with the guy and we want to communicate quickly here and there, but when it's a new relationship I much prefer phone calls or in person conversations. I think it's so much nicer.

 

Plus, people can take things the wrong way with text. You also bare too much via text sometimes. Someone can easily get weirded out by something you've said via text, whereas, if you were to say the same thing in person and the other person can see your facial expressions, your gestures, your "mood", etc.... it can be a totally Different experience and get a different impression altogether.

Edited by Mystique01
  • Like 1
Penguin_hugs Established Member

Penguin_hugs

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Texting does just seem like a main way of communicating these days! I just started messaging someone off POF and we had a really good 2 days of messaging so I asked him if he wanted to meet up (mainly because I was a little tired of waiting to be asked) he said he did want to meet up- but was nervous about meeting too quickly and as I have a holiday in less than a week he said we should meet up after that. (Especially as I will be working nearer him that week and his car has just died and he's looking for a new one this week)

 

And so we are back to messaging... I'm not used to the constant messaging- especially before meeting . But I am enjoying it! We are asking each other questions etc. But I am worried about getting too attached and then we meet in person and it isn't as good. But currently I keep getting butterflies everytime my phone buzzes! It feels kind of exciting!

fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

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I would usually agree but this girl has been lighting up my phone these last 3-4 weeks and we only went on our first date last night. She's still lighting my phone up after the date and she was worried I might have gone off her. I believe a lot of texting can be fine, but you need to know either how to keep a conversation going and when to end it. If you're meeting and she's still showing interest, then we'll still be texting a lot.

fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

Posted
Posted
Texting does just seem like a main way of communicating these days! I just started messaging someone off POF and we had a really good 2 days of messaging so I asked him if he wanted to meet up (mainly because I was a little tired of waiting to be asked) he said he did want to meet up- but was nervous about meeting too quickly and as I have a holiday in less than a week he said we should meet up after that. (Especially as I will be working nearer him that week and his car has just died and he's looking for a new one this week)

 

And so we are back to messaging... I'm not used to the constant messaging- especially before meeting . But I am enjoying it! We are asking each other questions etc. But I am worried about getting too attached and then we meet in person and it isn't as good. But currently I keep getting butterflies everytime my phone buzzes! It feels kind of exciting!

 

I was worried too, but was not disappointed when I met this girl. Just keep your options open.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

If someone won't take a phone call from you after you've texted a few times, they aren't interested.

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