hildagnome Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'm in the very very beginning stages of kind of starting to see this amazing guy. He's good looking, smart and ticks all my boxes. But something is really bugging me. The last two times we met I ended up lying to him without meaning to. It just came out. So the first one was he liked my car. He was like 'that's an amazing car it must have cost you a ton' Now I'm just leasing the car in partnership with my mom. But I just said 'yes'. I didn't explain that the car is not mine and I don't have that kind of money, I just agreed with what he said. I honestly do not know why I did that it was all so sudden I did not expect the question. Apart from perhaps on some weird level I wanted to impress him. Just to be clear he is not the type to focus on money. The other lie was me saying one of my past relationships was something it just wasn't. I made it out to be super serious but it was not. I mean in my mind it was really serious which I why I guess I tend to think of him like that when I'm speaking to people about him (my ex). But in reality the relationship was nothing like I implied to this new guy. Do you think I should just leave it and just not revisit any of this and hope he forgets? I mean if the car comes up again then I could just be like 'oh yeah it does cost a ton but I meant it costs a ton in lease payments?' I don't think I can come clean about the relationship lie until we are at a relationship stage as it's too personal to talk about in detail. I'm normally such an honest person, and this is really upsetting me. I almost considered just calling off our date tomorrow and walking away because I feel so bad! 1
JewelD Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 The issue here is why you feel like you need to lie in order to become more appealing to him. I wouldn't revisit the lies with him, just stop lying. If you don't want to tell the truth, express that or change the subject.
MidwestUSA Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Neither of those were huge 'lies', particularly not the car. Your plan to correct it later is fine. As for the relationship, it was more serious in your mind, so you went with it. Don't even bring it up again, as there's not much room for talk of such things while getting to know someone new. You can correct it later if need be, and tell him just what you told us.
Lethalkiss Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Sometimes it happens to say a lie in order to impress someone,or even carelessly.But I think you've learnt your lesson,so try to forget about this one.As you said he doesnt care about money ,so he may never speak about the car again,and if he does,you can always come clean and say it was a misunderstanding..I dont think he will make it a big deal:)
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I don't find any of these lies a big deal. I don't even consider them lies in fact. You are at the very beginning and the fact the car is leased isn't his business. I am sure when he made the comment he did not expect you to go in details on how it's financed. He just wanted to tell you he likes your car. Months down the road if you move in together then let him know of your budget and the car is on lease, till then it's irrelevant. The relationship was serious to you so how is it a lie? It's not. You were in a relationship in which you gave your everything. The fact the ex-boyfriend was not invested does not make this not-serious for you. I would not say anything again about this. If one day he asks details of that past relationship just tell it like it is. It was serious to you and you were deceived. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Well, first of all, both were misleading at best. Lies? They are definitely in the spectrum especially the second one. In the first case, his mistaken impression that YOU had purchased an expensive vehicle and your lack of denial could be considered a lie. You admit you did it to impress, so the motivation was not sincere. But I think one that could be easily explained later. Your assessment of your relationship knowing that it wasn't what you had originally perceived gets a little trickier. In this case you knowing portrayed an event knowing that it did not represent the reality. It doesn't matter that YOU thought at the time it was something else. At the time you shared with this new guy, you knew it wasn't. Again, probably not a downer as he would not know the difference anyway. Just stop lying.
mortensorchid Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 The car was just a little white lie, we all tell them. Kind of like saying "No, those pants don't make your butt look big" when in fact, they do. But really, if you are leasing the car with your mom, that's none of his business for now. As for the relationship you reference? Don't bring it up again, it's over and done with for whatever reason, look to the future. 1
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