Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Hi everyone to summarize the story: I was in a relationship with this guy, he started changing to the worse so I did the right thing and ended it with him. Two weeks later, he called me beginning and pleasing to take him back which I did. (I know, that was stupid, but he really did go to far lengths for me to take him back and I really do love him). I come back from vacation, he plans to come see me but completely ghosts me. No call, no message, nothing at all. He's fine and having fun with his friends. I understood that he just wanted to get back to me for ending it with him. I dont know who acts like this anymore but I blocked him everywhere and deleted him. This happened one month ago and I still think about him every single day. I need an explanation. What makes me feel better is that I didnt chase him or text him when this happened. Im going crazy, I need to understand what happened. I know I seem pathetic but what do you all think? and any tips for getting over being ghosted like that?
CarrieT Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You should not text. You should block. 100% complete No Contact so that you can't be contacted and played with again. If you can't see him trying to reach out - and then ghost you - than you can't be hurt by his game-playing. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You should not text. You want closure? Well here is your closure. The guy thought you so worthless and so unworthy that he just couldn't be bothered. Harsh but as it is. Quit thinking about him and instead start looking for a better class of man. Preferably one who is man enough to speak up and not be such a coward. That is your closure. 1
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 why would he beg me to go back to him and then ghost me like that? and did I do the right thing by not texting him or calling him when he ghosted me? or should I have atleast called asking for an explanation? You're not being harsh dont worry. I know everything you are saying is right. 1
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You crushed his EGO. He just reclaimed it. 1
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 how is this helpful mark? 1
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Unlike girls, what hurts guys the most in breakups is their damaged ego.. he probably felt blind-sided. there is a good chance this whole revenge plot was planned out. he was probably never really going to try again because no way was he going to get dumped twice in a row.
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 don't worry, I just got ghosted after taking my ex on a holiday and pretty much just chatting as friends since then. In your case, I think he does or did care but his pride was his priority. the fact he went to these lengths definitely states he did care. My ex on the other hand wouldn't care if I was half-mutilated on the road-side.
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 It was planned out. Which shows just how sick he is. So I obviously did the right thing by not calling or asking him where he is I guess. How did he regain his ego when I didnt even bother as well? also, any tips for getting over this
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Well yes its good you didn't react. He may feel he has the upper hand either way since he did reject you. But since you haven't reacted you gave him no validation. I think the best way to get over this is know that by not responding at all, his revenge plot was only partially successful, if at all. 2
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 but my blocking him I showed him that I care right?
lostsoul6486 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 but my blocking him I showed him that I care right? Hey there! This guy seems really petty tbh. To go to those lengths just to make you feel bad shows immaturity. Stop worrying about how your reactions to his childish acts will seem to him. You know blocking him and moving on is really the only option at this point so just do it. From now on, make every decision about you. Disregard him completely. He's in the past. Do what makes YOU happy. It's all that matters. 3
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Blocks are tricky in how they are interpreted. Blocking can show u either don't are at all due to not wanting to be annoyed. Or it could show your protecting yourself. In situations like this, when your not sure what to do, I normally just uninstall the social media apps on your phone etc but don't delete your accounts. That way if he messages you, you won't know about until you re-install your apps. For me, I find this works well. If I hit a weak spot, I'll quickly re-install the app, If I see no incoming messages, I just quickly un-install again. You can never really know how the other person interprets it. But I think my method keeps it neutral. Its like you dropped of planet earth. also, don't update your profile photos. Leave it all stagnant. That is the ultimate ghosting.
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 Ive already blocked him and deleted him when he ghosted me. How sick can someone be to go to these far lengths just to get back at someone 1
aloneinaz Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Who cares how your ex interrupts blocking, ignoring, etc.. They are your ex and you shouldn't give a flying hoot what they think. They are not your problem, worry or anything to you anymore. Going NC, blocking, ignoring is for you, period. It's for you to get your feet back under yourself, heal and feel better. You'll then move on to dating and your next relationship down the road w/out giving a hoot about the last one that failed. 3
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 why would anyone go to these lengths just to get back at someone? 1
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 when you say he was changing for the worse? how? as I said before, if he is a prideful guy and got blind sided, that would have pi****d him off. My ex broke it off with me over the phone (we were long-distance) because I had been changing for the worse, not totally my fault, I just got really stressed out caring for an old dog and deciding on euthanasia etc. She underestimated what a toll it had on me and she made it clear at that point she didn't care. Here I was on the other side of the world, she had no idea what was going on but was fine to just end things after many years. Breakups like that where there is no fights, no warnings, no nothing are brutal and from a guy's point of view (especially if your going through some issues) crush your ego in a huge way. He may have felt misunderstood. So maybe by doing this, he felt like you will now understand him better. If you meant he was changing in that he was becoming detached, then disregard all I wrote above. If that was the case, then he has always been the dumper, even though you ended it officially.
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 Hi Mark Im so sorry you are going through this. Trust me, I know how you feel. He was behaving worse as never wanted to talk or spend time, lying all the time, being really aggressive, stood me up in the airport when I was traveling. He was fine, he was out with his friends all the time. Even if his ego was crushed, does this give him the excuse to ask me to go back to him and give me all these false hopes to just ghost me. Do you think that no matter what this makes him a good person. How do I understand him now when all he got is a no response back to him ghosting me and getting blocked. fyi, I just found out ten mins ago he is on vacation with his new girlfriend.
stillafool Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 why would he beg me to go back to him and then ghost me like that? and did I do the right thing by not texting him or calling him when he ghosted me? or should I have atleast called asking for an explanation? You're not being harsh dont worry. I know everything you are saying is right. He begged you back and then ghosted you because he wanted to be the one to dump you. Yes you did the right thing by not contacting him. He can't give you closure you have to make your own. Any question he would answer will just bring about more questions in your mind. Let it go and move on.
stillafool Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Hi Mark Im so sorry you are going through this. Trust me, I know how you feel. He was behaving worse as never wanted to talk or spend time, lying all the time, being really aggressive, stood me up in the airport when I was traveling. He was fine, he was out with his friends all the time. Even if his ego was crushed, does this give him the excuse to ask me to go back to him and give me all these false hopes to just ghost me. Do you think that no matter what this makes him a good person. How do I understand him now when all he got is a no response back to him ghosting me and getting blocked. fyi, I just found out ten mins ago he is on vacation with his new girlfriend. You took this guy back after he treated you horribly and then continued to treat you badly after you took him back by ghosting you. Now that you know he has a new gf are you going to let this go and move on?
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Ok, so the way I see it. He has always been the dumper. But by you respecting yourself and dumping him (we call it the forced dump), that would have been unexpected for him. Sound like this guy is a complete A h****. Probably a narcissist. Unfortunately when these types of people lose feelings they just become awful human beings. 1
stillafool Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 why would anyone go to these lengths just to get back at someone? I happen to agree with this. I think he ghosted because he was involved with this other girl and just didn't care enough to get back to you.
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 Hi @stillafool How in the world does he think he dumped me when all he got is a no reaction and getting blocked. You think I dont want to move on? My pride is killing me.
Author Nadine123 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 he was involved with the other girl and was begging me to go back to him just to get back to me? what a lucky girl she is.
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 stillafool may be right here. same thing happened to me last month. I was ghosted and I'm sure its due to a third party. No single person is going to ghost someone, even an ex. It is possible he just ghosted you due to the new gf. But, it is still odd he did that begging if he had the other one lined up. It's probably a case of both. He had evil intentions and was able to follow through with it as he is now distracted with this other girl. 1
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