katiegrl Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) So I've been on 3 great dates with a guy and when we are on dates he is great. Really courteous and he makes a real effort. However, between dates I barely hear from him. I will try and text first sometimes (as these things work both ways) but he can take hours and hours to reply even though I know he's been online. It didn't bother me before, but as I am getting to know and like him more I would like some more reassurance and contact. How can I express this to him without coming over as clingy? Do I back right off and make him come to me? Also, it makes me wonder if he is that bothered. Advice and views appreciated! How often do you go out with him? Is he contacting you once a week for a date, and that's it? Nothing in between? First off, don't text him. Since he takes hours and hours to respond back there is no point... you'll just continue feeling frustrated. Second, there is no way to tell him you need "more" from him (more time, more attention) without coming off clingy and needy. It is WAY to earlier to be discussing these things. IMO you have two choices. Either accept what he's giving you now and hope it grows into more (don't wait too long) OR... if you're not happy with what he is giving you (calling once a week, once a week dates, etc), if it leaves you feeling off balance and insecure, then you simply next him. There is a third choice too. YOU initiate. He has taken you out on three dates, why not contact him and schedule the fourth? It's called reciprocating. In any event, follow your gut. A woman knows whether a man is interested or not... and 9 times out of 10, if you have to wonder about it, he's NOT. So pay attention to those feelings and respond accordingly. If it means nexting him, so be it. Find a guy who doesn't leave you feeling off balance and wondering.... they're out there trust me! Edited September 7, 2016 by katiegrl
Author Jilly-bean Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 Thank you for your detailed advice - it is appreciated. We have been going out once a week. Guys I've seen in the past have been very big on communication, especially in the early days so this is alien to me! Haha
BaileyB Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 The guy that I'm dating wasn't overly communicative early on. Between the second and third dates, there was a whole week that he didn't contact me. I knew he was interested, and I was frustrated! But, after the third/forth date, he decided he was all in. He started asking me out more often and he was contacting me more often/replying faster... Give it time, but not too much time. It is only respectful that he should reply to your texts fairly promptly... And if he doesn't do that, it's not a good thing. But, in the early days of dating when you are not actually "in a relationship," you need to make sure your expectations are not too high.
katiegrl Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Thank you for your detailed advice - it is appreciated. We have been going out once a week. Guys I've seen in the past have been very big on communication, especially in the early days so this is alien to me! Haha Well if there is strong chemistry and y'all are having a great time, if it were me I would lower my expectations and continue dating him.... while leaving my options open. I keep switching back and forth between wanting to solo-date (one-at-a-time) and multi-date. I was multi-dating for awhile, then swore I would go back to solo-dating, and now I am back multi-dating again.... until we lock each other down to exclusivity. No sense in cutting myself off from other guys and opportunities until we are both sure this is something AWESOME and we want to focus only on each other. Dating should be fun... so try and relax and not overthink. Also, try to not compare him to other guys in the past and how "they" did things. Everyone is different. Best of luck with whatever you decide!
leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Well if there is strong chemistry and y'all are having a great time, if it were me I would lower my expectations and continue dating him.... while leaving my options open. I keep switching back and forth between wanting to solo-date (one-at-a-time) and multi-date. I was multi-dating for awhile, then swore I would go back to solo-dating, and now I am back multi-dating again.... until we lock each other down to exclusivity. No sense in cutting myself off from other guys and opportunities until we are both sure this is something AWESOME and we want to focus only on each other. Dating should be fun... so try and relax and not overthink. Also, try to not compare him to other guys in the past and how "they" did things. Everyone is different. Best of luck with whatever you decide! Agreed!!! Life's too short to limit yourself to one person unless you're both about each other!
Author Jilly-bean Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 I've been on 3 dates with a guy and would like to see him again. He has asked on the first three - should I reciprocate and ask him on date 4??
Redhead14 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I've been on 3 dates with a guy and would like to see him again. He has asked on the first three - should I reciprocate and ask him on date 4?? Sure, you should do some initiating and paying. Go for it.
BaileyB Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) This is your third post today... Yes, you can initiate a date by making a suggestion but be forewarned - your other posts say that he doesn't contact you much between dates so it seems like you are not sure of his interest. It's possible that he is dating other people. Don't smother him or he will walk away... It's ok to initiate a date but remember - you will know when a guy is really interested. Trust your instinct. Be patient early in a relationship... Edited September 7, 2016 by BaileyB 1
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