Is it okay for me to initiate the next date!?

[Jilly-bean]

I was speaking to a guy for a little while and in fairness he was never overly chatty or consistent via text. We went on our first date recently and it went well. We were out for several hours and ended the night with a kiss and a couple of messages when we got home. He expressed how much fun he had had on the date.

He did message first the next day, but then he went quieter. I gave in and text him the day before yesterday and then he was really chatty back, so I thought "fine". Yesterday I didn't message him to allow him to come to me, but not a peep from him. Am I over thinking this? It just feels like mixed signals - Im used to guys being chatty in the early days and this is throwing me off.

 

Thoughts please

[smudge21]

It's still early days, but don't judge this all on how often someone texts. See if he asks you out or maybe you ask him. Yeah he could have lost interest a bit, may be multi-dating or it's just the way it is. For now though, don't over think it and just understand that everyone is different and moves at their own pace. Don't judge his actions by your own standards. I don't think you've got really anything to worry about, but keep an open mind.

[BluEyeL]

See if he asks you out. If he does ask you out again within the week, he's interested, if not, he's not.

[Redhead14]

I was speaking to a guy for a little while and in fairness he was never overly chatty or consistent via text. We went on our first date recently and it went well. We were out for several hours and ended the night with a kiss and a couple of messages when we got home. He expressed how much fun he had had on the date and all seemed positive.

He did message first the next day, but then he went quieter. I gave in and text him the day before yesterday and then he was really chatty back, so I thought "fine - stop being an idiot Jilly!". Yesterday I didn't message him to allow him to come to me, but not a peep from him. He did mention on the date that he's not a big texter which is fine, I dont expect messages all day long but it would be nice for him to check in in the evenings or whatever. Am I over thinking this? It just feels like mixed signals - I am used to guys being chatty in the early days and this is throwing me off.

 

Thoughts please

 

I'm not seeing any mixed signals . . .

 

in fairness he was never overly chatty or consistent via text

 

He did mention on the date that he's not a big texter

 

His words and actions are matching up. Sit back a little. It's only been one date and he has responded at least to you.

 

Is there another date scheduled?

[Jilly-bean]

I'm not seeing any mixed signals . . .

 

in fairness he was never overly chatty or consistent via text

 

He did mention on the date that he's not a big texter

 

His words and actions are matching up. Sit back a little. It's only been one date and he has responded at least to you.

 

Is there another date scheduled?

Thank you for your reply. No other dates lined up so far - I wouldn't be so bothered if something was in the diary.

This is the first time I've liked someone since I came out of an abusive relationship last year and it's turned me into a worrier, which I never was before!

[smackie9]

There are two different types of guys...aggressors and non aggressors. He is a non aggressor because he is second guessing himself...since you stop initiating, he prob thinking you are not interested because he is used to girls being chatty.

 

I was an aggressor, not in your face type, but consistent with initiating....men really liked it. maybe turn a new leaf and try it.

[Mystique01]

I agree with others.

 

I don't really see any mixed signals here yet. Wait a bit and see if he schedules a second date with you. THAT will more than likely tell you whether or not he's interested in seeing you again. Text messages can be too up in the air imo.

[Jilly-bean]

I have been on a date with a guy, which was lovely and we have another arranged for tomorrow. He asked for the second date the other night, so I'm not overly concerned, but the amount of contact we have had between dates (it's been over a week) is pretty minimal. If I message him he will respond for a while, but he rarely initiates. I have taken a step back to allow him to come to me, so we haven't spoken for a couple of days. Do I message to confirm tomorrow or leave it to him?

I also find it strange as my last few partners have been very attentive in the early days and he is so casual. I don't expect 100 messages a day, but it would be nice if he would just check in during the evenings or whatever. What are your thoughts on this? Does it mean he's not overly keen? Thanks in advance :-)

[TXGuy]

The amount of contact you expect seems excessive to me. You have only been out one time. A single contact once before your second date to confirm plans would be perfectly reasonable.

 

But I'm sure you will get a variety of views. Whatever you want is reasonable for you. I'm sure there are other guys out there that would give you the interaction you want.

[2005tahoe]

I have been on a date with a guy, which was lovely and we have another arranged for tomorrow. He asked for the second date the other night, so I'm not overly concerned, but the amount of contact we have had between dates (it's been over a week) is pretty minimal. If I message him he will respond for a while, but he rarely initiates. I have taken a step back to allow him to come to me, so we haven't spoken for a couple of days. Do I message to confirm tomorrow or leave it to him?

I also find it strange as my last few partners have been very attentive in the early days and he is so casual. I don't expect 100 messages a day, but it would be nice if he would just check in during the evenings or whatever. What are your thoughts on this? Does it mean he's not overly keen? Thanks in advance :-)

 

I am a guy, I like more contact than most guys. I would at least think once a day would be normal. Im the same way as you, I am the one initiating text or calls and you start to question as if they are really interested. I have been told a few times to slow things down and let the other person pursue me.

[biker23]

I'm a guy and also prefer more contact. However many say to minimize contact other than setting the date in the early stages. This makes for more conversation on the date and supposedly creates more interest from the girl. A bit of mystery and you feel the need to chase a bit.

All that feels a bit like games to me but it could be how he rolls.

Some people just don't text. I love to text so it's odd to me.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have been on a date with a guy, which was lovely and we have another arranged for tomorrow. He asked for the second date the other night, so I'm not overly concerned, but the amount of contact we have had between dates (it's been over a week) is pretty minimal. If I message him he will respond for a while, but he rarely initiates. I have taken a step back to allow him to come to me, so we haven't spoken for a couple of days. Do I message to confirm tomorrow or leave it to him?

I also find it strange as my last few partners have been very attentive in the early days and he is so casual. I don't expect 100 messages a day, but it would be nice if he would just check in during the evenings or whatever. What are your thoughts on this? Does it mean he's not overly keen? Thanks in advance :-)

 

He's NOT that into you.

[Jilly-bean]

How much contact is normal?

I have been on a date with a guy, which was lovely and we have another arranged for tomorrow. He asked for the second date the other night, so I'm not overly concerned, but the amount of contact we have had between dates (it's been over a week) is pretty minimal. If I message him he will respond for a while, but he rarely initiates. I have taken a step back to allow him to come to me, so we haven't spoken for a couple of days. Do I message to confirm tomorrow or leave it to him?

I also find it strange as my last few partners have been very attentive in the early days and he is so casual. I don't expect 100 messages a day, but it would be nice if he would just check in during the evenings or whatever. What are your thoughts on this? Does it mean he's not overly keen? Thanks in advance :-)

[SevenCity]

Means he is doing the right thing. A new RL should be built in person - not over text

[Jilly-bean]

Means he is doing the right thing. A new RL should be built in person - not over text

Thanks for your input. Do I message him about tomorrow though or wait for him to come to me?

[SevenCity]

Thanks for your input. Do I message him about tomorrow though or wait for him to come to me?

 

Go with the assumption it is going to happen. Does he typically message you before the date? If so let him do just that.

[Jilly-bean]

Go with the assumption it is going to happen. Does he typically message you before the date? If so let him do just that.

Last time he booked a table and we had set a time and he checked in on the day. Tomorrow we plan a day date. Know where are going but we haven't set a time. Would just be nice to set a time and know what's happening.

[Redhead14]

Last time he booked a table and we had set a time and he checked in on the day. Tomorrow we plan a day date. Know where are going but we haven't set a time. Would just be nice to set a time and know what's happening.

 

There wouldn't be anything wrong if you sent him a light text towards evening if he doesn't reach out first and say "looking forward to tomorrow. What time should we meet?"

 

And, then when he asks you for another date without set details, you can say something like "ok, but please let me know the night before so I can . . . choose an outfit, have someone walk my dog, make plans to be home early enough to get ready. . . ".

[preraph]

Just wait and assume that if he is interested, he will confirm the date. If he waits until right before to tell you the time and it's not enough time for you, then tell him you need more time to get ready and bump it back an hour. But most dates happen early evening, 7:00 or 8:00, so for your purposes, you should assume that unless you're going to something that starts earlier. Don't sit around the day of on alert. Use your time. That way you won't build up resentment that you wasted all day waiting for his word. Just don't do that. Plan your day assuming a reasonable time range for the date and then if he comes in at the last minute and messes that up, tell him, "Oh, well, I hadn't heard from you the time yet, so I am in the middle of something. Can we push it back 30 minutes." something like that

[Ami1uwant]

Early on you really don't want to text much. Save conversations for the early dates. Good conversation means good date. You text snd call between dates you could have nothing to talk about on the date.

[Jilly-bean]

So I've been on 3 great dates with a guy and when we are on dates he is great. Really courteous and he makes a real effort. However, between dates I barely hear from him. I will try and text first sometimes (as these things work both ways) but he can take hours and hours to reply even though I know he's been online. It didn't bother me before, but as I am getting to know and like him more I would like some more reassurance and contact. How can I express this to him without coming over as clingy? Do I back right off and make him come to me? Also, it makes me wonder if he is that bothered.

Advice and views appreciated!

[BaileyB]

It's still pretty early, so I think it's important to manage your expectations. Let your relationship grow... If he's interested, hopefully his communication will grow with time. However, if it continues this way you should talk with him about what you would like for communication.

 

But, after just a few dates you should remember that he's still just getting to know you... He may not be quite there to think that you should have lots of communication between dates.

[Larryville]

I will try and text first sometimes…

 

but he can take hours and hours to reply even though I know he's been online.

 

JB this goes back to a current thread on texting. If a dude only wants to text, or mostly texts he is up to something. Any “truly courteous” dude won’t leave you hanging for freaking hours!? WTF!?

 

No matter how busy I am if my GF texts me in the middle of the day just touch base even if I am in a meeting I will simply say “call you back in a bit” I tell anyone I’m with you WILL hear from me or I will at least acknowledge your text even with just a brief smile image or something if busy.

 

Nobody should tolerate being ignored for hours that’s just bull****.

[Jilly-bean]

So I've been on 3 great dates with a guy and when we are on dates he is great. Really courteous and he makes a real effort. However, between dates I barely hear from him. I will try and text first sometimes (as these things work both ways) but he can take hours and hours to reply even though I know he's been online. It didn't bother me before, but as I am getting to know and like him more I would like some more reassurance and contact. How can I express this to him without coming over as clingy? Do I back right off and make him come to me? Also, it makes me wonder if he is that bothered.

Advice and views appreciated!

[Ami1uwant]

Many guys don't like to text...especially between early dates because you want to save topics yo talk about. This is especially true if the dates are many getting together for dinner where having stuff to talk about is essential.