smile95 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 it really is....I am seeing that. I am also starting to slowly see that he was not who I thought. I am still caught up in this, but little by little I can start to see the real him. I wish there was some guarantee that I would love again.
XNemesisX Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 it really is....I am seeing that. I am also starting to slowly see that he was not who I thought. I am still caught up in this, but little by little I can start to see the real him. I wish there was some guarantee that I would love again. As do I. I have been through the most horrible gut wrenching breakup 8 months ago, then I finally start to feel love for another person. I drove 5 hours to see him this weekend, he told me he wanted to be exclusive again, even told me he loved me only to ignore me just days later. One starts to wonder that after getting sh*t on so many times and dissapointed that you don't just get completely jaded and are never able to open up to someone again. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but it's getting to me. I don't think I can take another rejection.
smile95 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I have only had 2 major relationships since age 18. One for 5 yrs and one for 3. Theywere both abusive in some sense. I guess something about me attracts these guys that know I am pretty naive? Or something about them I am attracted to? I sort of feel like I am getting a bad view of relationships. I try so hard and hold on so long. That is my problem -holding on til it gts so bad, I am not even aware how bad it is. The part that scares me is that I can see that he does not treat me the way I deserve and I am so good to him. But, somehow, when he says he loves me, i melt and all that logic goes out the door!
crazy_grl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I wish there was some guarantee that I would love again. Don't even think about that. Think about how bad the "love" from this guy is making you feel. Focus on loving yourself. If you find someone else, great. If not, at least you're not dealing with the misery this guy's putting you through. Your current relationship sounds pretty one-sided. You need to let it go. I also think you need to take a break from relationships for awhile (like 6 months or so) and focus on making yourself happy. Once you're happy with yourself, I think you'll find that your relationships become more healthy.
smile95 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I agree....I have to find what makes me happy again. Everytime I do NC for a while, I start to feel better (I still would miss him) but Iwould wonder less and less about him and not think so much of him and it is like he knows this? And that is when he goes in for the kill. It is SOOOOO one sided. I know this. He knows this. If I get rid of him in my life, he can no longer give me additional things to be miserable about. Someone talked about me possibly being addicted to the misery and I think that I have become so used to the drama that I like it in some strange way??? It just stings a little since I did so much to make this work. Let so much go and gave so much. Kinda like I lost in a way. That is the part that hurts most. I did nothing wrong and I get sh*t on. I have learned a lot. And I know we were in love at one point. So I got something out of it I suppose. I wish I had a healthy relatinship to compare it to. If I had, I would have been gone a loooong time ago I believe.
Pyro Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I have only had 2 major relationships since age 18. One for 5 yrs and one for 3. Theywere both abusive in some sense. I guess something about me attracts these guys that know I am pretty naive? Or something about them I am attracted to? I sort of feel like I am getting a bad view of relationships. I try so hard and hold on so long. That is my problem -holding on til it gts so bad, I am not even aware how bad it is. The part that scares me is that I can see that he does not treat me the way I deserve and I am so good to him. But, somehow, when he says he loves me, i melt and all that logic goes out the door! Omg, it's like looking into a mirror of my own life. I have only had two major relationships since the age of 18. I have learned something from each of them. It has helped me realize what I want and what I don't want. Take each of your realationships as a learning experience. It will get better as time goes on. My first relationship sucked. I learned from it and my second relationship was 10 times better then my first. It will get better through time Beth, I promise you that.
smile95 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 At least I do know next time what I want and do not want. I am pickier now tho. That may be bad. You would think it would be easier to find a guy that all he had to do was take some interest in my life, enjoy spending time with me, be honest, and loving. Somehow I end up with all of the opposite! Heck.......One call/week and a visit 3x a yr would be more than my latest did! How hard can that be to find!
Pyro Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Being picky is the right way to go. Good people are hard to find.
smile95 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I always joke around when I feel down that I am 28 and not married....I say I am just skipping the first divorce phase most people go thru and skipping right to the good stuff!
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 "I always joke around when I feel down that I am 28 and not married....I say I am just skipping the first divorce phase most people go thru and skipping right to the good stuff!" that is an excellent way to look at things. I applaud you.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Never thought of it like that. That is amazing how common divorce is in today's world.
smile95 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 thanks VirginiaBob! it is amazing.....if the stats keep rising, what will it be when are kids are getting married.That scares me a little. Will marriage even exist?
Author klandes Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 After almost 6 days of NC, two nights ago when i'm having an amazing conversationg with this guy i met, he textd me saying "i miss you" , talk about good timing... of course i txt him back saying that i missed him too. No calls though. However i still need and want to know where we stand and i think i gave him enough time to think it through, should i call or email so i can get a definite answer or what should i do, i want to know if we're still together or i can move on for good.
smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 let him contact you again. Do not initiate it. Let him miss you. I always made the mistake of calling or responding and it went back to where it was before we broke up and nothing changed. nothing. He will contact you again. Esp if you do not.
Author klandes Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Thanks beth and everybody for sharing their experiences it has helped me immensly! i just wanna put down my side and hopefully it'll help some others going through the same issue. So i followed everybody's advice and didn't contact him whatsoever. I went out on sunday and met an old flame that for some reason or another nothing physically happen until this night, it was instant and it was what i needed. He's an amazing guy and we have so much in common, we slept together and he treated me like a queen and even took me for lunch the day after. Even though i just wanted to do it and run back to my home. I didn't regret one bit, it was like medicine. But It's just so happens last night my BF who went MIA and hasn't called me in almost 2 weeks sends me a TXT msg at 1am saying "i just want you to know that i love you and that i haven't been messing around, i just needed time and to start saving money. i miss you" What does he want from me??!! it's like he has a crystal ball, he should've thought about it before ignoring me for so long. i did not reply.. nor do i intend to. Now, he must figure out that i need my own time. I still love him but he should've been straightforward from day one... right now i like this new guy and if things work out i might keep him and take it from there.
smile95 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I am glad to hear that you are figuring things out....funny how life takes its turns. Just as I had it set in my mind that this was getting easier for me to move on, I get a text from him telling me he loves me and misses me. Great! Just in time to mess with my mind....like he knew Iwas trying to write him off or something. I really think somehow they know when we start to move on!!!!!
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