bubbl Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 If you have ever ended things with your other half or it mutually ended with you both resolving it's better to part ways- has the ex in that scenario ever come back to you asking to be friends/trying to be friends? And if so, how did you take it? Did you think they were needy/pathetic? Did you like hearing from them or did it irritate you? I've not done the above btw, and wouldn't break NC, but just wondering. This is particularly a question for those where the relationship wasn't terrible- i.e. no emotional abuse/manipulation/cheating etc. But you just both decided you didn't gel well as a couple (perhaps one fight too many, despite caring a lot for each other).
aloneinaz Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Those thoughts are generated when you're still in the grieving stage, post break up. Even when a relationship runs it's course and ends amicably, people have a hard time wrapping their heart around the finality of it. Those thoughts of "I'll never see/speak/talk to him again. They can be scary thoughts. What I found over the decades is those feelings fade with time. Even if you still liked and respected that person at the time of the breakup, you realize it's ok to let go and you then understand you will potentially never speak to them again and you're ok with it. To your other question about being friends down the road? It depends. I've likened it to your once HS best friend. You couldn't imagine them not being in your life forever. Then, you grow apart and lose contact. You may run into them a few years later but you simply don't have the desire to restart that friendship. You say when you run into them "let's get together and catch up". Of course, neither side do. I'm FB friends with 2 ex GF's from two decades ago. It was fun to catch up with them thru IM and see how there lives have progressed. Seeing their kids and husbands. Both examples were relationships that just didn't work out and we ended on good terms. I may like a picture but having actual conversations with them is rare. You'll come to that same conclusion. 3
marky00 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) There is no rule of thumb here. I must be different to others on here because I would say that I don't generally become totally indifferent to me ex-girlfriends. That's probably because I usually only enter relationships with girls I really like and those relationships usually at least get to year 2. Plus I was often the dumpee although looking back some of those were virtually mutual. Some of these I have met up with like 5 to 10 years later randomly or for a lunch or w/e and let me tell you, neither party was totally indifferent. Its really odd because u see someone after that long yet you still pick up on their mannerisms, many parts of them are still the same. Now of course, usually both parties are in new relationships so there is no temptation but I'm pretty sure if that wasn't the case, it could have got a touch more awkward. I see all you guys in here saying how indifferent you are. I bet if one of your significant exes arrived at your door one day, you would realise you are not totally indifferent. that's just the way it is. One ex from 10 years ago I had lunch with a while back said she had been social media stalking me for years yet she was the dumper. We are all different. Some more nostalgic than others. Edited September 7, 2016 by marky00
Author bubbl Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 Thanks, Marky. Another interesting take.
asphyxis Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 I'm Facebook friends with 2 of my ex's and I'm 100% indifferent towards them. Both of those relationships ended completely nasty. I was the dumper for one and the dumpee for another. I've seen them in public and it's more a "Hey I know you!" Type of deal. I don't miss them, and their lives are full of happiness. Why would I want to change that for them? For me, loving someone is loving them in the state that rhey are in, which does for respect. I respect our relationships ended, it's just the way that it is. However the other 2 relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to know what they were doing. I have some bitterness lingering still. And my most recent? I most certainly don't want to be friends. Time heals all wounds and changes us. I don't know if I'll ever want those ex's in my life.
smoothie2003 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 I never thought of my ex as pathetic, if anything I wish we had never met. I broke with her, but not before she broke up with me 3 times before.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Here's the thing, I've had 6 significant relationships over the years (I'm in my 40's), two of which I was dumped and one was mutual the rest I was the dumper. None of the dumpers asked to stay friends, when I was the dumper they wanted to but I just didn't think it was healthy or a good idea because it would just make it harder all around. Being the dumper you know that the dumpee wanting to stay friends means they still want to hang on and it's too painful for them and not fair. And I had some relationships between 18-25 where we broke up it was all me doing the dumping back then and three of those guys looked me up on FB and we are connected there but hardly ever talk beyond the early connecting where you catch up and say your piece. I feel I could be friends with those guys from the 18-25 era of my life, not so much with the others especially if we currently have significant others. 1
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