NotASkunk Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 My 10 year relationship has been over for two months officially, he moved out of the house a year ago but we still saw each exclusively other up until two months ago. I miss him terribly and I have been mourning the relationship and I had thought that dating would make me feel better. Wrong! It only makes my heart break even more. No matter that the men were gentleman and really sweet. I have just recently sent my ex a letter explaining exactly how I was hurt in the relationship, it was a way for me to let him know exactly how I felt. It's only been about five days or so but I am feeling so much better! I am wondering if I should give the dating thing another go. Or would it be better to just put it all on the back burner for now? I feel like I need a distraction from being sad and lonely. I want to get back to being myself! How long did it take you before you started dating again and enjoying it? 1
Larryville Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I am wondering if I should give the dating thing another go Recovering from a 10 year relationship and you still were exclusive after he moved out? At least a year. To be fair to any man you meet 3
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 You can start enjoying life for yourself first. If you always look toward someone else to make you feel better you will never get over your ex. You will always carry this open wound from relationships to relationships. Look for companionship with friends and family. Make plans to travel, start a new hobby, hit the gym, give yourself a challenge. There are other things in life than being in a romantic relationship. Sure you can start dating but be ready for a lot of rejection. People usually do not want to get involved with recently single people. We know they are in transition and it won't last, once the newness is gone the person usually realizes they are not ready to date. I am in a relationship now. There is 2 years between this relationship and the previous one. Rule of thumb it takes 25% of the length of the relationship to move on. Your case 2 years an a half. 1
Author NotASkunk Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 Good advice. One way I have been focusing on myself that I'm getting a lot out of is I've been attending a Buddhist community center. I love the positive people, I love the transitional stories, the way that their lives have improved inspires me. In my heart I know that I am not ready to date yet. 2
Satu Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 From my journal: "Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do." Take care. 4
Ami1uwant Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 It depends.... My rule of thumb... 1, length of relationship 2. How sudden the break up 3. Why did it happen..we're there problems or thoughts about about it 4. Are you the breaker or breakee Other factors way in. You need to be able to separate...do you miss companionship or do you miss the person. A new person doesnt mr/ms rebound. With dating you really don't know if you are ready to date until you date and find out if you can do it. You should not be comparison new date to prior SO as if they weren't as good as him/her. 1
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Going out on dates....after about a couple of weeks. I wasn't going to sit around and mope. 1
Satu Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Going out on dates....after about a couple of weeks. I wasn't going to sit around and mope. As regards sitting around and moping: I don't. There seems to be a belief in this culture, that you have to go through a period of despair and misery, when a relationship ends. I know some people do, and I respect that, but I've learned to let things go. I'm just not prepared to be miserable any more. "You want to go?" "No problem, go ahead." None of us own anyone, or are owned by anyone. We are all free agents. 3
Author NotASkunk Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 I appreciate all your thoughts, opinions and suggestions! When I was single I used to really enjoy dating a lot. It's different this time… My heart is just still too broken. I think that I need the distraction of it but it's just not the same. I know that I'll get there again one day. Satu-- I really appreciated your thoughts on a few of my posts, thank you! 1
emerald86 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) I think that this depends entirely on the individual, and what your experiences are. After getting out of a 2 year relationship, I started dating almost immediately. I went on my first date with someone else 2 weeks after breaking up with my ex, but this only made me feel worse. I found myself pining after my ex more than I would have otherwise. There's also the fact that after that relationship, I didn't go on a date with anyone I was even remotely interested in. Maybe if I had met someone that I really liked, it could have worked out better. I say go ahead and try it! You may meet someone that you like. And if it isn't working out for you, take a break and start dating again when you feel you're ready. Edited September 7, 2016 by emerald86
Author NotASkunk Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 I did try, and all of the guys were such sweet guys too. I felt a lot worse, just like you emerald. I may give them a call at another time when I'm feeling more like myself. I need to heal and let my heart mend before I can think about going out and having fun with men again. Unless I meet somebody organically and the feelings are just there I plan to put dating off for a bit.
emerald86 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 I did try, and all of the guys were such sweet guys too. I felt a lot worse, just like you emerald. I may give them a call at another time when I'm feeling more like myself. I need to heal and let my heart mend before I can think about going out and having fun with men again. Unless I meet somebody organically and the feelings are just there I plan to put dating off for a bit. This is a good idea. Perhaps one of the reasons I didn't like anyone I dated immediately after the breakup was that I still had my ex on my mind. Maybe I just couldn't think clearly. Definitely let yourself heal first. Personally, I was fully ready to date exactly a year after the break-up, but this length of time might be different for you. Find what works for you--but for now, go out, get in contact with old friends and enjoy your time with them! This works amazingly well. 1
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