Unsur Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Hey guys. So I've been on here before when my last relationship of 9 years ended. I'm only 25 so I'm pretty clueless when it comes to dating or being in any other relationship that wasn't my high school sweetheart! Luckily I moved past that relationship pretty quickly and I'm now with my current partner of 3 months. I absolutely adore this guy, he's so sweet and generous and funny. Really affectionate too which I didn't have in my last relationship. He knows all about my mental health history, my relationship with my ex and he's been so supportive and non judgmental its great. Its the most fun I've had for years. I've fallen for him hard but there are some things that are bugging me and I want to check them out with you guys because I'm not sure if they are normal or not (I think they are but would love someone else to tell me so!). There have been a couple of arguments and I'm not really sure how to handle them, in my past relationship we /never/ had arguments so I want to know if this is pretty normal. For example: He was messing around with his razor near my hair (he knows I'm funny about my hair) and I told him to stop because I'd be upset if he did it. Then by accident he did actually shave some of it. It was a tiny amount and not noticeable but I was shocked and angry. I didn't really say anything, just had my mouth open and he was apologizing but I didn't say anything back. He then shouted "Don't make me feel guilty about this, it was a joke" and stormed out of the room. When he came back in he said "So are you speaking to me now?" and I said "Yeah but you're the one who walked away" and then he got really upset and I had to look after him even though I was upset. Ok that sounds pretty petty of me reading it back but I was upset at the time! Then we were running late to go somewhere and he was faffing around in the front seat of the car (stationary) so I said "Eek we're going to be late" and out of no where he threw his things down and shouted effing hell and hit the steering wheel. I was actually pretty scared and didn't say anything. As we were driving he said "This isn't on, I'm not having you make me feel guilty. It's perfectly natural to get angry sometimes" and I kinda agreed but I was still on edge in case it happened again... then he got upset so I put it aside and calmed him down saying it was ok and stuff. This one happened last night. I mentioned I had to nip round to the neighbors in a little while and he seemed fine. He then went in the shower and came out soo aggressive. "Are you ****ing off then?" I was so confused so asked why and he said "Well, we had a certain plan and now you're changing it and going out and leaving me" he ranted a bit like that for a while, really quite angry. Then I explained that I'd literally be 2 mins and he calmed down and then got upset again, said he was really sorry, that he was in a bad mood, so I said it was ok and hugged him and made him feel better. There have been a few more examples of the same pattern and I'm just feeling a little lost. Why is it I have to make him feel better if he's the one thats being an arse? I'm not very good with arguments, I can't really stick up for myself so I just kinda go along with this because its easier. Then sometimes when he's in a good mood he will ask if I think he gets angry and I'll say "Yeah sometimes you get a little stressed" and he always says "I hate that you'd think about me that way, I'm not that bad, I don't understand" Think I should have a talk with him about it? Most of the time he's amazing. Talks about a future together and how in love with me he is... its only because of this site that I'm a little worried he's future faking etc... Does anyone else see it? Or is this a natural part of relationships?
BaileyB Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 He sounds like he has some issues with impulse control and anger management. And to be fair, his communication skills go out the window when he gets upset - his behavior is that of a child who throws a tantrum, storms away, and then comes back expecting you to get over it without an apology/telling you it was no big deal. This would put me really on edge and I would not like it at all! 2
Larryville Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Most of the time he's amazing. Talks about a future together and how in love with me he is... its only because of this site that I'm a little worried he's future faking etc... Does anyone else see it? Or is this a natural part of relationships? OP this is crystal clear, unless you are leaving something significant. Why bother unless you believe you can’t do better. I’m sorry but dude sounds like a jackass. I’m gonna say again what I put in so many of these threads, I sound like a broken record but folks truly have to get it. RESPECT IF FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE If someone does not fundamentally respect you, they will do whatever the F they want and treat you however the F they want. Never tolerate stupid or juvenile behavior. Life is just too damn short to tolerate some dudes idiocy 4
GemmaUK Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'd be running like hell from this guy! Behaviour such as this only gets worse, never better. I wouldn't even waste any energy on trying to talk to him - there'd be no point - he would only throw up a another toddler tantrum for which you would have to comfort him. 1
BaileyB Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) Behaviour such as this only gets worse, never better. That's what I was thinking. I hated to say "leave him" with the little that you have shared, but I would think if he's behaving like this early on in the relationship, his behavior will only continue and get worse with time. His behavior doesn't show that he respects you very much. And, what is most concerning (other than his lack of emotional control) is the fact that he got upset when you went to the neighbours. At this point in the relationship, he threw a little tantrum. With more time, he may grow more controlling if he has the expectation that you should be with him when you have other plans. Be careful with this one. This kind of disrespect/controlling behavior has a way of sneaking up on you... Particularly when he tells you its no big deal/you are wrong to get upset. You just start to think this kind of behavior is ok, when it really should not be tolerated. Look for a man that is kind and treats you well. If you can't say this about this guy, you need to keep looking... And, if I may say, three months is way too early to be professing his love, IMHO. That would also be concerning for me... Edited September 7, 2016 by BaileyB 1
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