How to get her back?

[rideordie]

Hey guys...

 

To start things off I'm 28 and have quite a bit of experience with women but am wondering what to do in this particular situation because it caught me off guard...

 

So, I haven't known this girl very long but we clicked right away and hungout quite a bit within the span of two weeks. I liked her right after our first date, which went incredibly well, but maintained my cool. She would almost always make first contact even the day after a date (which I usually never do). She'd text me first, clearly be open to hanging out (even though she didn't say it directly) and told me how she felt about me later on during that time. Soon after she started opening up to me, she started getting distant and after I intentionally didn't talk to her all weekend while she was visiting family, I texted her saying 'I know your busy but I've noticed you've been kind of distant...everything cool?'. She responded saying that things were moving too fast and it freaked her out. (which I can understand) She went on to say that she doesn't have time for a relationship between starting a new semester at school along with a new job and all that. Although I honestly was really confused, I responded that I was simply enjoying our company and was not in any rush to jump into a relationship, to which she responded basically the same as she did before. We had this talk via text, which I was not too happy about because of the obvious lack of communication texting involves in these types of situations.

Now, again, throughout the course of us hanging out, I would pick up on her advancements and proceed...she would tell me she liked me, that she would want to see me, how she was so glad we met and so on. I would respond to her in a similar fashion and tell her how I felt and was honest with her about anything she asked. Currently, I've been No Contact for a week now and aside from an Instagram like I haven't heard anything from her.

Typically I wouldn't get overly concerned with this but we clicked in a way that doesn't happen often and I want to get her back without seeming desperate (which I'm not). Anybody have any suggestions? Thanks in advance!

[MidwestUSA]

So you allowed her to make all first contacts (because you don't 'do' next day texts), and intentionally ignored her for a weekend.

 

How many actual dates did you ask/take her on? Firm dates, not 'let's hang out'.

[smudge21]

Maybe she was hoping you'd step things up, especially with her making all the early contact etc. Plus when she turned away and said she wasn't ready for a relationship, you agreed to that. To me it sounds like everything you did said you didn't want anything serious. Her reaction could've been some reverse psychology - telling you she isn't interested in the hope you'd say you were, and then reach out for her as she has for you.

 

Obviously I can't be sure, but people play games, not always intentionally and often never say what they want to say, or what they truly mean. As much as I believe what I said above, there's every chance her words are true and despite her reaching out, she did just simply change her mind. People are confusing at times... especially when it comes to dating.

 

You could just ask her... nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Toodaloo]

You acted very disinterested. She decided that she doesn't want to date you any more.

 

Its that simple. Move on.

[ChickiePops]

When you say you have a lot of experience with women I can only assume you mean one night stands and not actual relationships, because it doesn't sound like you have any experience with those.

 

Lesson one- women don't like being neglected.

[basil67]

it would appear that she's gauged your disinterest and has moved on.

[rideordie]

No, I certainly did not act disinterested. I must not have explained it as well as I thought lol. Like I said, I told her I liked her, would take her out on nice, planned dates and was romantic with her. But since it was early on, I didn't want to come off as needy or clingy hence why I stayed at arms-length. I didn't want to be 'too available' but we still talked almost everyday. Within the span of about a week we went on three dates and she surprised me at work and took me out to lunch. One of those dates I made special to celebrate her new job. Once she started school and her new job is when she got distant and I respectfully gave her her space as I knew she would be very busy. So to recap...I didn't ignore her ever, I respectfully gave her some space as life got hectic.

 

She also said that she can't be available to me as much as it seems I would want because of her schedule (referring to seeing each other as much as we did in a short time) I responded that I don't expect that and understand she is busy, as am I. I also went on to say that I realize we didn't know each other very well but that I really like her and don't want her out of my life. Again, I really liked this girl and the way that I read it was that she likes me but caught feelings too soon too quick and got freaked out, which is why I'm also giving her space now. I mostly am trying to be considerate of her situation and not be a douchebag. She also has mentioned how she has dated ****ty guys so again just playing things respectfully to show I value her personal time as well.

[rideordie]

I hope that previous post made more sense. So, I want to get her back, I am just allowing her to adjust to new job / crazy school schedule. Since its been a little over a week since we had this conversation should I contact her or give it a little more time?

[BaileyB]

Based on your last post, it sounds like it was a busy week. Three dates in one week including a surprise lunch date at work is a fair amount of time. Maybe it was a little too much, too soon.

 

I think you could send her a text asking how school/the new job is going. Nothing more. If she responds, you just go at her pace. It's very possible that she was being honest with you... it is very hard to start a new relationship with everything else going on. Or, maybe she had just decided she wasn't interested. Time will tell.

[Satu]

I think she's just not in the right place in her life, to be your girlfriend.

 

"She went on to say that she doesn't have time for a relationship between starting a new semester at school along with a new job and all that."

 

I think you'd be best to just accept what she says for now.

 

Maybe get in touch from time to time, but leave it at that.

 

 

Take care.