FastHands Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Girls have the option of dating friendly charismatic guys, but for some guys we have to go through a bit to get the date and more. How do some guys keep focused and ask away for numbers and dates until he finds a steady relationship? How to avoid the pitfall on wasting time on 1 girl and hoping she responds?
redbaron007 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Girls have the option of dating friendly charismatic guys, but for some guys we have to go through a bit to get the date and more. How do some guys keep focused and ask away for numbers and dates until he finds a steady relationship? How to avoid the pitfall on wasting time on 1 girl and hoping she responds? This is a well known topic and discussed to death in the PUA world. "One"-itis is the name of this affliction, i.e. over-investing time, money, mental energy on pursuing a single individual. Also referred to as "putting a p***y on a pedestal". Remedy is pretty simple: practice approaching every single attractive girl/woman whenever you get an opportunity, and more importantly, without worrying about the outcome. When I mean approach, I mean initiate a conversation and calibrate the woman's response. If she responds well, try to "close" by asking her out right there, else wish her a nice day and move on without a second thought. For someone who is shy and has never done this before (like myself a year ago) it is absolutely nerve-wracking at the beginning but it gets much easier over time, it's just conditioning. Also practice talking to strangers of all ages and genders as it will build your confidence and ability to "think on your feet", i.e. be present in the moment, while conversing.
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Women have the same problem. Worse if you are of a monogamous type and don't feel comfortable multi dating etc. To develop a thick skin you have to realise its not all about you. A relationship consists of two people regardless of how short lived or long lived it is. So while you may have all these emotions she may not. For it to work you both need to have that. Thats how I do it anyway. I always figure there is a good reason why, perhaps its a personality clash or that they are naturally flakey or rude (both of which I hate)... I figure its a weeding process and they have naturally been weeded out. Doesn't matter if they make the choice or if I do. Its all still the same thing. 1
leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Date multiple people at the same time, that way you don't get too attached to anyone.
kendahke Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Chuck your expectations for an outcome totally in your favor just because you have interest. Don't invest your soul before finding out if you can even stand to be in the same room as her. There's a song by Bonnie Raitt that is very apt here: "I can't make you love me if you don't". You can't make someone return your interest.
PogoStick Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 The first step is developing self-respect and confidence. You do have to put in considerable work to find a decent woman, so learn that your time is valuable. Wasting that time on people who don't produce results means you have no time to find the good woman. Focus on actions, not words. 1. Is she talking to you? Means a little, but not much. 2. Is she meeting with you, and soon? (within a week) 3. Is she responding positively to you when you meet? (Is she smiling,laughing, having a good time? Playful, and gentle teasing from her could be a good sign too.) 4. Are you holding hands? Hugging? Kissing? 5. Is the relationship moving forward or is she a pain in the azz? Always having excuses? Always making this difficult, arguing? Don't keep waiting for positive responses. If the actions aren't quickly going your way, then end it fast and move on to the next girl.
carhill Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Girls have the option of dating friendly charismatic guys, but for some guys we have to go through a bit to get the date and more. Sure, so do guys. All they have to do is approach those particular ladies. I never personally had any success doing that but it was an option I tried off and on during the 20 or so years I dated before getting married. How do some guys keep focused and ask away for numbers and dates until he finds a steady relationship? The hard part was detaching attraction and any emotional content from the process. For guys who compartmentalize better, that's easier. This is generally learned in puberty along with compartmentalizing other aspects of social interaction. How to avoid the pitfall on wasting time on 1 girl and hoping she responds? Generally, by using the billions approach. There are billions of women in the world and, save for the one you choose to marry and/or commit to, they're all interchangeable, just like you are as a man. After a lifetime of dealing with this milieu I had to finally accept how interchangeable we men are. Equality demands similar perspective. Again, most successful men get this figured out at father's knee watching him manage his marriage and women in general. Some of us either don't get the message, don't listen to the message or our brains are wired wrong to work it out. Hence the school of hard knocks and solitude. Once I watched how successful men, both married and single, handled women, I followed that lead and myself became similarly, albeit way behind the curve, successful. The cost was time and effort. One thing in life we can't get back is time. When we're done we're done. Use it wisely. Good luck!
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Ah the million dollar question! It can be very challenging not to become jaded by the dating process, even those whose inboxes are flooded with interest. Weeding through all the prospects trying to find just one sincere guy who also matches your ideal in all areas is like finding a needle in a haystack. It just is. I totally agree with the poster who said you have to abandon all expectations. Take each encounter as it comes and with a grain of salt and work through it without getting too attached or excited too soon where you're already picking out monogrammed napkins for your wedding. It doesn't help that there is an abundance of douchey men (and women) online who've made it enormously challenging for the good guys/gals to be taken seriously. It's like we're all dating and waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can't get very far with anyone if you're expecting it to fail before it even begins. Looking back at my first year of online dating, Oy vey! If I had a nickle for every time I thought some guy was going to be the ONE I'd have enough money to buy myself a cast iron skillet and hit myself over the head with it...repeatedly. Ugh. So naive lol. Better than thick skin is having a sense of humor and always be true to who you are and what it is you are seeking because it will get tested time and time again. Better to know who you are and what you want and what you're willing to tolerate if you want to get out of this with any skin left. And having a zero tolerance for bullsh*t helps too. Don't mistaken my kindness for weakness has been my motto when it comes to dating, especially online. It's a game. You just need to figure out how to play it. Good luck.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Girls have the option of dating friendly charismatic guys, but for some guys we have to go through a bit to get the date and more. How do some guys keep focused and ask away for numbers and dates until he finds a steady relationship? How to avoid the pitfall on wasting time on 1 girl and hoping she responds? I think the only advantage that I see girls have is the sheer number of interests especially if they are "attractive." But, other than that, I for one do not have to worry if the next guy I meet yup is only interested in sex...a lot of options, yes, but also a decent chance that the ladies are not being contacted for a LTR....
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