Girlfriend mad at Me and my Sister because of food

[Sigmaone]

Yesterday

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Girlfriend helps me cook food (I paid for it). My sister stays with me on weekdays to make her commute easy this semester because she has car problems. So i pick up my sister yesterday, girlfriend had finished cooking and eaten. Sister is hungry and makes comment about the food about how nice it is and grabs a plate to have some.

 

 

I jokingly ask her (sister) to ask for permission from my girlfriend, she does in a shy way. Girlfriend is leaving and i ask my sister to say thank you to her for the food, she does in a shy way. (now i was not doing that because i feel my sister is doing something wrong but because my girlfriend acts stiff around my sisters and i was doing that to make conversation/joke).

Now, food is food (at least that is how myself and my sister see it) and it does not matter who cooked it. if you are hungry, help yourself.

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Today

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Girlfriend msg asking if i can bring her some food after work. I replied, "I guess i could do that, I owe you" (what i meant by "I owe you" was showing appreciation for her cooking. She takes it the wrong way (that the reason i am bringing her food is because i feel i owe her not because i love). we argue and she say she will come get it herself.

 

She later msg me that she will come get the food that her phone battery will die. Its past the time when i was expecting her and my sister is back from school and helps her self to some food. I then msg my girlfriend if she was coming so i know whether to boil more rice for the sauce (no big deal)...I get no reply.

 

Girlfriend show up at my door and asks about her food. I told her that the rice is not enough and i will have to boil more rice and it will take 20mins. She is upset and ask what happen to the rice she cooked. I told her i ate and my sister ate the last of it that is not a big deal, i can make more asap....she is still upset

 

I should point out that my sister did not know what my girlfriends plans to pick up food or my conversations with my girlfriend. She just came back from school and ate some food.

There is some tension but i go ahead and make some food for her and plate it while she lay on my bed texting. I told her food is ready, she says she is taking it with her. she get up and puts it in bowl...says she is leaving and works out.

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Then i get this msg from her:

Message:

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You clearly have no understanding of respect or putting your people's in their place. How do you present me to your people's ? Clearly not with respect.

 

1. Your sister came in yesterday and just dipped her hands in the pot of food she didn't make without even asking ..who does that ? You had to tell her to ask.

 

2. She didn't hAve enough decency to say thank you. You had to ask her to say THANKS, and even then she grogyl said it.

 

3. I CLEARLY said I was coming over , regardless of our conversation .

 

4. I said I was coming , even though you claimed you weren't sure you still allowed your sister to dip her hands in food I was expecting to eat.

 

4. You didn't have enough decency to put the food aside , tell her to make hers at the least. I guess **** Kemi.

 

5. She didn't hAve enough decency to speak up and say "i ate it, I can boil you some .

 

6. You didn't 3ven give enough **** to tell her.

 

7. I don't give a **** If you're mad. Standing up to your siblings if a problem for me. And to try to play the situation as if I didn't make myself clear just to justify your ass and your sisters ass.

 

8. I'm good. I CLEARLY lay the rules out to my siblings ...I would never do that to You .

 

9. **** you.

 

If you're gonna ask for your parking pass you can pick it up tomorrow. I should be home by 10pm . I'm going out. No you can't come tonight I'm at Ashley s

 

Btw if you do decide that you want your pass back that'll be the last time we will speak or see each other. I have no more ****s to give.

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I can understand if my girlfriend lives with me then that changes things a bit but she doesn't. Also if that is how she would like things to be all she needed to do is tell me and i will inform my sister. I just dont think she should have come for my sister like that because she meant no harm at all.

 

I have not responded to her yet.

 

It is looking like she already has one foot out the door already

Edited September 7, 2016 by Sigmaone

[marky00]

LOL

 

 

one foot?

 

 

I think her whole body is well and truly out the door.

 

 

The F**** U bit says it all.

[basil67]

Yep, she's history. Sounds like you've just gotten a drama queen out of your life.

[CC12]

I jokingly ask her (sister) to ask for permission from my girlfriend, she does in a shy way. Girlfriend is leaving and i ask my sister to say thank you to her for the food, she does in a shy way. (now i was not doing that because i feel my sister is doing something wrong but because my girlfriend acts stiff around my sisters and i was doing that to make conversation/joke).

 

Nice joke, you treated your sister like a child and probably made her feel stupid and ashamed for helping herself to a plate of food in a home she lives in for most of the week. But I suspect that wasn't really a joke that you made. I'm thinking you had some idea that your girlfriend expected permission and/or a thank you from your sister and you were trying to make it happen without having to have any difficult conversations. It wasn't a joke, it was a passive-aggressive attempt to get your sister to behave in a way that didn't anger your girlfriend.

 

Your girlfriend is being crazy and weirdly territorial about this. You are right that if your girlfriend lived with you, that would change things. But she doesn't. So she doesn't get to claim food that you paid for, and she doesn't get to dictate how your sister eats from your kitchen. You should explain to your girlfriend that your home and your kitchen are open to your sister and that Sis doesn't need to ask permission before eating.

 

I don't know what your girlfriend's problem is, but her writing you a 10 point bulleted list of her grievances over a plate of rice is way over the top. To be that angry or upset over some food is a problem. Does she normally overreact to everyday problems?

[Toodaloo]

Oh my god your ex is uptight. Just be glad she is gone but also I have noted that you can be really condescending in your tone and manner when you speak to people close to you. Perhaps work on that so people do not get so wound up...

 

Get your parking pass back and hug your sister.

 

Its just food for crying out loud. OK if no one else ever contributed to the cost etc I could understand but to get shirty over food you didn't even buy yourself... Thats a bit rich.

[elaine567]

I guess the food incidents are the last straw for her. This is NOT just about food.

She is feeling used and disrespected by you and your sister.

If she was coming, as prearranged, to get some food she cooked. then she was going to need the rice your sister ate, so why did you not just go ahead and cook some for her? Rice is cheap and can always be used somewhere, so no big deal. Had you cooked the rice and never said anything about your sister eating it, or told her your sister ate it and you had made some more then crisis averted. As it was, you sat on your hands and did nothing. You sent her messages when you knew her battery was dying. You showed no initiative.

Bottom line -she spends her time cooking for you and when she needs a favour returned, she is the one who feels inconvenienced.

Twice in a row your sister ate your gfs food, I guess that may not be so "innocent" actually.

Yes, people do split over such trivia, but behind it are often huge gripes and grievances. I guess your gf is at the end of her tether here.

[basil67]

Loving all the different comments here. Leads me to believe that this was a really complex dynamic which was probably ended by a combination of issues.

[salparadise]

She's a drama queen and bad news. After that text, if you don't get the parking pass back and tell her to never darken your door again, then you have no self-respect. Never tolerate that kind of behavior. Something is seriously wrong with her.

[marky00]

I agree with Elaine.

 

 

From my own experience, women hate it when a guy sits on his hands.

 

 

 

I somehow feel like she's been watching the OPs behaviour for a while and this was the final straw.

 

 

Sure, she acted over the top but there is always the underlying core issue at play.

 

 

Next time, just make more rice. Take action. This is a small incident but one day this sort of behaviour might cost you the women of your dreams.

Edited September 7, 2016 by marky00

[fromheart]

In your position, I would end it with her after reading point 1. She shouldn't disrespect your family like that.

[Sigmaone]

OP HERE:

 

I am not going to act like we done have problems. We do and we have been working on it. She has problems with me not being physical and romantic and i have been making efforts to rectify that. I have problems with her breaching my privacy, going through my things and being investigative about my activities. She was working on fixing that as well.

 

 

However i think this is a whole other issue. And i believe this is due to a core difference between her relationship with her family and my relationship with mine.

 

She is always fight with her mom, dad and sisters. She will make terrible comments about them. I guess what i am trying to say is their bond is not that strong (at least when compared to mine).

She sees how i interact with my siblings and thinks its weird because we are so close and she is not used to that.

 

 

It is very very weird, it like she is trying to mark her territory or something. There's is no need for this, that's my sister not some other girl. Like every time my sister is over she becomes so so sexual wanting to make out, rubbing my penis, wanting to have sex in the bathroom. I live in a studio there is no where else to send my sister to go chill.

 

I have talked to her numerous times about how her behavior changes she claims she can't help it and tends to be possessive. So i just asked her if we can tone done the sexual part of it.

 

 

Before i agreed for my sister to stay on the weekday until she gets her car i consulted my girlfriend about it to make sure she was cool even though my girlfriend didn't live there.

 

Ultimately when it comes to my siblings, i think she (girlfriend) feels that i put my sibling first before her but honestly when it comes to my place my sister is more of a guest than my girlfriend i just try to make sure she is ok.

 

 

I spend more time with girlfriend than family like 98% of my time.

Before my sister started staying weekday i would see her maybe once or twice in 2 months.

 

Is it money?? I have spend more money on Girlfriend in a 1yr+ relationship than i have spent on my sister in her 20yrs in this world.

 

Honestly i don't think it has to do with any of our problems. From my experience with her, when she feels she has been wronged or put in a situation she doesn't like, she acts like this.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Sigmaone

[stillafool]

I have to agree with your gf that your sister should not have to be told to ask permission to eat food that was cooked by your gf and certainly shouldn't have to be told to say thank you. How old is she - 6?

[Sigmaone]

I have to agree with your gf that your sister should not have to be told to ask permission to eat food that was cooked by your gf and certainly shouldn't have to be told to say thank you. How old is she - 6?

 

I am not saying whether my girlfriend is right or wrong to feel that way, people are different and all she had to do was tell me how she felt as this is the first time.

 

It didn't have to go down the way it did.

[marky00]

I am not saying whether my girlfriend is right or wrong to feel that way, people are different and all she had to do was tell me how she felt as this is the first time.

 

It didn't have to go down the way it did.

 

No.

 

 

Women rarely tell a man or even hint at what he should do. If they did, this breakup website wouldn't exist.

 

 

Take charge, never sit on your hands. Be the man. Do this and you won't end up with a shattered heart and will be able to keep the girl of your dreams.

 

 

You were putting your sis first which is fine sometimes but not on this occasion.

[stillafool]

I am not saying whether my girlfriend is right or wrong to feel that way, people are different and all she had to do was tell me how she felt as this is the first time.

 

It didn't have to go down the way it did.

 

No, she probably should have told your sister how she felt and you definitely shouldn't have let your sister eat the food that your gf was coming over to get. Does your sister cook?

[Sigmaone]

No, she probably should have told your sister how she felt and you definitely shouldn't have let your sister eat the food that your gf was coming over to get. Does your sister cook?

 

Yeah my sister cooks, i should have cooked more rice or told my sister not to eat it that is true

[salparadise]

I can't imagine all of this sensitivity over food... who paid, who cooked, asking permission, saying thank you, etc. And if the gf came in and you needed to cook some more rice, so friggin' what? It's all so petty and juvenile. And then that extremely hateful message daring you to ask for the parking pass back.

 

I don't care if there was built up resentment or whatever, this little princess needs to go. OP you need to be selective. I seriously doubt this is the first hint you had as to her volatile, sensitive tendencies. Assess level of civility in interacting with others before hitching yourself to someone. It will save you a lifetime of misery.

[Toodaloo]

Yeah my sister cooks, i should have cooked more rice or told my sister not to eat it that is true

 

Its rice... Not a blinking cordon bleu something or other... Rice!

 

All this fuss over something that takes less than ten minutes to cook...

[preraph]

Taking her side just for an exercise, a regular guest (staying with you every weekend) should be buying and/or cooking food too or else you should pay twice to your gf's once because there's two of you. She's trying to have food for herself when she gets home and your and your sister are eating it. That's not nice. If it's three of you, then you all chip in and you cook enough for everyone and everyone pays. If you guys are all broke, which I'm assuming since it's rice, rice, rice, even more important to be sure everyone pays and plans.

 

I will say that the underlyiing problem may simply be that she does not like sharing space with a third person.

[angel.eyes]

To be clear, according to the OP, this was rice and groceries that HE bought, not the GF. Additionally, his GF doesn't live there. She lives elsewhere and visits. The GF simply cooked food that he already had the day before, then had a conniption because his sister (who lives with him temporarily during the week) had some.

 

OP, time for a new GF. This is not about a plate of rice. Reading the tirade she sent you, she has no respect for you (or your family). That never ends well.

[Sigmaone]

Taking her side just for an exercise, a regular guest (staying with you every weekend) should be buying and/or cooking food too or else you should pay twice to your gf's once because there's two of you. She's trying to have food for herself when she gets home and your and your sister are eating it. That's not nice. If it's three of you, then you all chip in and you cook enough for everyone and everyone pays. If you guys are all broke, which I'm assuming since it's rice, rice, rice, even more important to be sure everyone pays and plans.

 

I will say that the underlyiing problem may simply be that she does not like sharing space with a third person.

 

THis is getting confusing. Here is it.

 

I myself cook, we all eat. Girlfriend cooks, well all eat. Sister cooks, we all eat. girlfriend doesnt live with me. We do not do "This is my food, this is your food". If there is food and you see it....eat it, unless it is bought, like chinese or pizza or restaurant then you ask.

 

But food cooked at home in large amount (not like noodles, or fried egg or sandwiches). I mean food cook to last multiple days is considered community food. Everyone can have a go at it, as much as you want.

 

I hope this simplifies things

[GoneOrNot]

THis is getting confusing. Here is it.

 

I myself cook, we all eat. Girlfriend cooks, well all eat. Sister cooks, we all eat. girlfriend doesnt live with me. We do not do "This is my food, this is your food". If there is food and you see it....eat it, unless it is bought, like chinese or pizza or restaurant then you ask.

 

But food cooked at home in large amount (not like noodles, or fried egg or sandwiches). I mean food cook to last multiple days is considered community food. Everyone can have a go at it, as much as you want.

 

I hope this simplifies things

 

Hmmmm... are you Asian (from a collectivist society) and your girlfriend from a different culture ? That's the vibe I get here -- cultural differences wherein you perceive your food to be "community food" and she perceives food that she has cooked to be HER food.

 

That led to you demanding that your sister thank your GF for the food (when she -- your sister -- does not need to and is not used to doing so, because you knew that your GF expected it). Am I correct ?