Stop texting so much!!!

[katiegrl]

I understand the new generation is all about texting, I don't think though it's normal for a man in his 40s to rely on text only as he's known most of his life to get by with calling. I would view it as a red flag. I suspect his problem is he has too many prospects so he prefers keeping them on text. This way he won't accidentally call them the wrong name and he won't spend all of this time on phone conversing with prospect # 1, 2 and 3.

 

Calling someone demands investment. He needs to invest his time and his attention in you. We know a man shows his level of interest by actions. A man in his 40s unwilling to put time aside to concentrate on you with a phone call is not worth your time.

 

A man that is interested will want to hear your voice !

 

Liking or not phone conversations is not even a question once in our 40s.

 

---

 

The man calls his mother, he calls clients or suppliers all day, he calls his doctor office, he calls his mechanic, but he can't call a woman he is interested in? meh....just a big meh!!

 

Actually that is not true at least not in my world.

 

Everything is done via the internet.

 

I order office supplies via the internet, make doctors spots via text (they have asked I do it that way), communicate with clients via email (so there is a record for the file) , virtually everything is done via the internet no matter how old we are.

 

I dunno for me it is not so much *how* we communicate..... but more the fact we ARE communcating!

 

Women complain men don't contact enough, ask them out, etc.

 

Now they are complaining because when they do, they do it wrong! Need.

 

I have said this before but it is important to be flexible.... everyone's style is different and while the voice is certainly important, texting a woman does not automatically translate to him not being interested!

 

I know that for a fact!

[Larryville]

They call once, then after the first date they try to go to texting.

 

I’m gonna throw out a sweeping generalization LOL!

 

To me if a dude, particularly an older dude only wants to or mostly wants to “text” he is either up to something (side chick) wanting to keep in touch but NOT TOO MUCH… being sneaky or he isn’t very bright.

 

No dude who is into a woman would just want to or mostly text. It simply isn’t efficient and it is a “distant” form of communication.

 

Someone compared it to writing letters, not even close because good letter writing was an art form back in the day. Texting people do those freaking emoji’s, abbreviate and the thoughts are choppy at best.

[Gaeta]

Actually that is not true at least not in my world.

 

Everything is done via the internet.

 

I order office supplies via the internet, make doctors spots via text (they have asked I do it that way), communicate with clients via email (so there is a record for the file) , virtually everything is done via the internet no matter how old we are.

 

I dunno for me it is not so much *how* we communicate..... but more the fact we ARE communcating!

 

Women complain men don't contact enough, ask them out, etc.

 

Now they are complaining because when they do, they do it wrong! Need.

 

I have said this before but it is important to be flexible.... everyone's style is different and while the voice is certainly important, texting a woman does not automatically translate to him not being interested!

 

I know that for a fact!

 

What I meant is that man had to use the phone most of his life. If he is in his 40s than 20 years ago he was a working adult and had to get by with calling. Yes nowadays we all do that stuff through Internet but it started how long ago? maybe 10 years ago? So if you are 30 and under this is the only thing you have known all of your adult life but if you are well in your 40s and + than all this online is relatively new.

 

I am 50 years old. In my very first office back when I was 20 I had a type writer and a phone. Everything was done with the phone and it was like that for 20 years for me and for everyone out there in my age range.

[katiegrl]

I’m gonna throw out a sweeping generalization LOL!

 

To me if a dude, particularly an older dude only wants to or mostly wants to “text” he is either up to something (side chick) wanting to keep in touch but NOT TOO MUCH… being sneaky or he isn’t very bright.

 

No dude who is into a woman would just want to or mostly text. It simply isn’t efficient and it is a “distant” form of communication.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***Someone compared it to writing letters, not even close because good letter writing was an art form back in the day. Texting people do those freaking emoji’s, abbreviate and the thoughts are choppy at best.

 

This is true and if a man is sloppy, bad grammar, etc.... then yeah that will turn me off.

 

If you're gonna choose text/email over phone calls, you better know how to write like you are over the age of 15! Lol

 

But again for me, a creative substantive (and sometimes sexy) email from the man I am dating can be a real turn on!

 

And I can save them too (like people used to save letters).

 

Everyone is different!!!!

[katiegrl]

Someone mentioned miscommunication when texting.

 

Speaking personally, I am more prone to miscommunicate when speaking verbally..... many people are same way.

 

I communicate much better and more succinctly via the written word than verbally.

 

Again, we need to stop all the assumptions and judgments... there is no right or wrong.

 

A guy can call on phone all day long, and still not be interested. Just going through the motions cuz he thinks that is the *right* thing to do.... or love-bombing or whatevs.

 

While another guy can send a few texts or emails during the week to touch base, or ask for a date and be VERY interested.

 

@leogirl, wasn't it you who posted about the guy who CALLED several times to schedule a date?

 

That turned you off too!

 

A guy just can't win in your world, can he... Lol.

Edited September 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[Bialy]

I'm 34. I work in an office setting, so texting every now and again throughout the day is fun... ONCE I'm in a relationship and I know the person well. With my ex, we would send each other funny memes and have quick texting chats during lunch.

 

I like to talk on the phone while I'm walking home to work (20 or so minutes) or in the evening before bed (10 minutes to an hour depending how chatty the other person is feeling).

 

But again - this is all once I'm itching in the direction of getting into a relationship with someone. And it all depends on how frequently we're seeing each other and the overall dynamic.

[jen1447]

OP, just do like Gaeta suggested and tell them nicely that you value voice communication so they should call. Should be a pretty easy fix.

[leogirl876]

OP, just do like Gaeta suggested and tell them nicely that you value voice communication so they should call. Should be a pretty easy fix.

 

It's just so frustrating when I've already told them and they keep doing it. I don't want to be a mother and have to teach them how to act.

[thespacey1]

Why? Because that's what you want? You are willing to not engage someone because they don't conform to your communications medium expectations?

 

 

 

Sure you can, this is pretty closed minded

 

 

 

I don't know what to tell you, some people just don't like to talk on the phone. Some people, myself included, are introverts, shy and are much better communicators in writing than in person. Especially when getting to know someone. Thats why OLD tends to be better for introverts.

 

So just FYI, not everyone is probably as much as an outgoing extrovert as you. So what would you prefer? Getting to know someone via text, or chat or email, then when you actually meet in person actually having something to talk about or awkward silence???

 

Your attitude would be very offputting to me

 

Totally agree...

 

I'm female ,over 30 yrs.old and I'm probably amongst a select few who prefer texting over talking. UNLESS, what we have to say is so broad or urgent that a text will not suffice.

 

IMO, some people in life don't know how to prioritize communication. Everything they have to say ....in life.... is not urgent. AND , not everybody wants to sit and listen to your voice for 5+ minutes going on about basically nothing.

 

Reasons texting ROCKS!

1. Its less invasive,especially during the work day

2. Its great for those of us w/short attention spans. (Otherwise,i have to cut some of my friends short when they actually think I'm gonna sit and listen to a long story about nothingness or what theyre doing right now... They know I have Adult ADHD!

2. Its a quick way to let someone know you're thinking about them without disturbing them from a meeting, a trial, a sugery, a class if theyre a teacher, etc.

3. As another poster mentioned ,texting gives one the time to be more thoughtful and NOT say things one may regret,e.g. negative "tones". Texting allows people to pay attention to the TEXT/words rather than so much emotion.

4. Who are you or anyone else to try and make other people conform to your desired form of communication.

5. If you choose to keep calling me,knowing that I'm either unable to talk or I just choose not to, thats fine. If I'm unable to talk due to my job, using the bathroom, cooking, making love, driving, again my JOB......etc... then you'll just get my voicemail.....and I'll TEXT you back ,just to make a statement (no pun intended).

[katiegrl]

It's just so frustrating when I've already told them and they keep doing it. I don't want to be a mother and have to teach them how to act.

 

Look leogirl, I like you, but you need to chill.

 

If it turns you off, then NEXT him, period, end of.

 

There are hundreds of guys out there, find one who likes to CALL (but not too often as THAT turns you off too).

 

We can't help what turns us on and off.... no need to be his "mother" or to tell him how to "act."

 

You told him once you preferring calling, he is still texting, again just next him, there is no need to get into a hissy fit about it, jesus.

[BaileyB]

The best way to get to know someone is in person.

 

Phone conversations, I have come to decide, are a waste of time. You say everything and then when you see each other, you have nothing to talk about. I've spent way too much time on the phone trying to make conversation with men...

 

Texting is perfect for setting up/confirming a date. I still prefer for a guy to ask me out in person.

 

But, texting can be fun! Teasing, short texts throughout the day when you are in a relationship... They give me something to look forward too and break up my day at work. They also let me know that he's thinking about me and build anticipation for the next time we can get together. I'm a big fan of texting...

[leogirl876]

Look leogirl, I like you, but you need to chill.

 

If it turns you off, then NEXT him, period, end of.

 

There are hundreds of guys out there, find one who likes to CALL (but not too often as THAT turns you off too).

 

We can't help what turns us on and off.... no need to be his "mother" or to tell him how to "act."

 

You told him once you preferring calling, he is still texting, again just next him, there is no need to get into a hissy fit about it, jesus.

 

And that is what I did today.

[katiegrl]

And that is what I did today.

 

Not to sound condescending or anything... but good job!

 

Just wondering though... since it's important to you that they call instead of text, do you have that somewhere in your on line profile so they know beforehand?

[leogirl876]

Not to sound condescending or anything... but good job!

 

Just wondering though... since it's important to you that they call instead of text, do you have that somewhere in your on line profile so they know beforehand?

 

No, but I tell them that when we exchange information. Do you think I should also put it in my profile for reinforcement?

[katiegrl]

No, but I tell them that when we exchange information. Do you think I should also put it in my profile for reinforcement?

 

I dunno, I don't OLD.... do men even read the profile? I just thought they focused on photos. lol

 

Perhaps a man who does OLD would be able to answer that better than I.

 

Probably couldn't hurt though as long as you don't sound like one of those demanding b****** that so many men complain about.

 

Not that you ever would.... just sayin.

 

How was your date last Saturday night?

[Dis]

Someone mentioned miscommunication when texting.

 

Speaking personally, I am more prone to miscommunicate when speaking verbally..... many people are same way.

 

I communicate much better and more succinctly via the written word than verbally.

 

Again, we need to stop all the assumptions and judgments... there is no right or wrong.

 

A guy can call on phone all day long, and still not be interested. Just going through the motions cuz he thinks that is the *right* thing to do.... or love-bombing or whatevs.

 

While another guy can send a few texts or emails during the week to touch base, or ask for a date and be VERY interested.

 

@leogirl, wasn't it you who posted about the guy who CALLED several times to schedule a date?

 

That turned you off too!

 

A guy just can't win in your world, can he... Lol.

 

Look leogirl, I like you, but you need to chill.

 

If it turns you off, then NEXT him, period, end of.

 

There are hundreds of guys out there, find one who likes to CALL (but not too often as THAT turns you off too).

 

We can't help what turns us on and off.... no need to be his "mother" or to tell him how to "act."

 

You told him once you preferring calling, he is still texting, again just next him, there is no need to get into a hissy fit about it, jesus.

 

I think Katie raises some valid points that might represent some underlying issues in your dating life

 

I'm far from an expert...god knows I have alot to work on....but leogirl, it seems like you tend to hyperfocus on the negatives with the men you talk to/meet on OLD

 

When I read your threads, I feel like you're just searching for the cons...and ignoring any pros. Dont get me wrong, I think you've had some fair reasons to next some of the guys you've been out with but I think you're going to have a tough time finding someone is you keep looking for problems in whatever guy you're dating/talking to

 

There is no such thing a perfect man/woman....of course there are many things we should never overlook like red flags or significant problems with compatibility...but if you tried to be alittle more flexible and overlooked some minor issues I think you'd have much better luck

 

But maybe just try to have a more positive attitude...it'll def make OLD less of a chore and men LOVE positive women...nothing worse than a guy/woman thats a Cathy Complainer...I'm not saying you are...just giving you my honest opinion with all respect

[leogirl876]

I dunno, I don't OLD.... do men even read the profile? I just thought they focused on photos. lol

 

Perhaps a man who does OLD would be able to answer that better than I.

 

Probably couldn't hurt though as long as you don't sound like one of those demanding b****** that so many men complain about.

 

Not that you ever would.... just sayin.

 

How was your date last Saturday night?

 

He was very nice, but much heavier than his pictures. I know men complain about that with women, but it happens to us women too. So I could really only see this guy as a friend only.

[leogirl876]

I think Katie raises some valid points that might represent some underlying issues in your dating life

 

I'm far from an expert...god knows I have alot to work on....but leogirl, it seems like you tend to hyperfocus on the negatives with the men you talk to/meet on OLD

 

When I read your threads, I feel like you're just searching for the cons...and ignoring any pros. Dont get me wrong, I think you've had some fair reasons to next some of the guys you've been out with but I think you're going to have a tough time finding someone is you keep looking for problems in whatever guy you're dating/talking to

 

There is no such thing a perfect man/woman....of course there are many things we should never overlook like red flags or significant problems with compatibility...but if you tried to be alittle more flexible and overlooked some minor issues I think you'd have much better luck

 

But maybe just try to have a more positive attitude...it'll def make OLD less of a chore and men LOVE positive women...nothing worse than a guy/woman thats a Cathy Complainer...I'm not saying you are...just giving you my honest opinion with all respect

 

You're right, I do focus on a lot of negatives. Maybe too many bad apples in dating have jaded me.

[Shining One]

It just seems there's so many guys who just want to exclusively talk over text, like "how's your day?" seriously, that's what a phone call is for. Men that call me definitely stand out over the ones that text.

Go through this forum and count the number of posts from women who complain that men don't text them enough.

And I hate to break it to you, but that's a huge complaint among many women today! Many women are turned off by men who only text! I'm not saying myself or other women want these long drawn out conversations on the phone, 5-10 min is sufficient, but texting a woman to ask her out on a date or asking how her day is when you barely know someone is a turn off.

I've dated a sizable number of women... I imagine more than you. The vast majority preferred texting over phone calls. Heck, one preferred calendar invites for dates! You shouldn't assume you speak for all or even a majority of women. I've dated women in their late 30's / early 40's who still preferred to text. Personally, I just go with whichever method the woman prefers since it honestly don't matter one bit to me. Put it in your OLD profile as others have suggested.

[leogirl876]

Go through this forum and count the number of posts from women who complain that men don't text them enough.I've dated a sizable number of women... I imagine more than you. The vast majority preferred texting over phone calls. Heck, one preferred calendar invites for dates! You shouldn't assume you speak for all or even a majority of women. I've dated women in their late 30's / early 40's who still preferred to text. Personally, I just go with whichever method the woman prefers since it honestly don't matter one bit to me. Put it in your OLD profile as others have suggested.

 

Ok, maybe I can't speak for the women across America, I can only speak for the single women that I personally know and all of them say they don't like texting. Don't get me wrong, it's not like texting is bad, as long as there's also phone calls, texting is bad when that's the only form of communication.

[Shining One]

Ok, maybe I can't speak for the women across America, I can only speak for the single women that I personally know and all of them say they don't like texting. Don't get me wrong, it's not like texting is bad, as long as there's also phone calls, texting is bad when that's the only form of communication.

I agree with the bold. My experience has generally been: In-Person Communication > Texting > Phone Calls > Other (Messenger Apps, Email, etc.)

[katiegrl]

Ok, maybe I can't speak for the women across America, I can only speak for the single women that I personally know and all of them say they don't like texting. Don't get me wrong, it's not like texting is bad, as long as there's also phone calls, texting is bad when that's the only form of communication.

 

What about email? I love email. That is actually my preference even over texting.

 

To each his own I guess....

[Shining One]

What about email? I love email. That is actually my preference even over texting.

 

To each his own I guess....

To me, there isn't much difference between text and email. I do the majority of texting from my computers and I can email from my phone when a computer is not convenient.

[katiegrl]

To me, there isn't much difference between text and email. I do the majority of texting from my computers and I can email from my phone when a computer is not convenient.

 

I can only text from my phone... I can email from phone too, but I can only email from my tablet or computer... and the keyboard is larger and I can type much faster with less mistakes.

 

I don't mind texting though... I have had some super fun and even substantive convos via both text and email. I am a better communicator via the written word than verbal.

 

And as I said earlier, they are saved for me to refer to later, to either confirm something said, or just for nostalgic reasons.

 

I am big on nostalgia, I save everything!!

[Gr8fuln2020]

If, now, the question is in regards to someone who ONLY texts, then there should be concern.

 

I agree, that there are many more socially challenged communicators now days b/c of texting, email, the cover of the internet/social media, online gaming (way too much). It is much easier to day to be whatever you want to be and remain anonymous. That's why there are so many more bigots coming out and making themselves known (online). They don't have to take any real responsiblity for their actions or words. In real life, they would be cowards and people of low constitution and mettle.

 

Anyway, texting is in and will be around far a long time.

Edited September 7, 2016 by simpleNfit