leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Call me old fashioned, but when I meet a guy, I want phone calls, at least in the beginning. You can't get to know someone with texting. I text my brother and girlfriends, but I don't want to text guys that are trying to date me. I've told them before I don't wanna text but some of these guys will still text. So do I just ignore them and not go out with them, or text them back saying if you want me to say yes to another date with you, then I want a phone call. How do I word that without sounding bad? Anyone else think it's tacky to ask a girl out on a date through a text? 1
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Call me old fashioned, but when I meet a guy, I want phone calls, at least in the beginning. You can't get to know someone with texting. I text my brother and girlfriends, but I don't want to text guys that are trying to date me. I've told them before I don't wanna text but some of these guys will still text. So do I just ignore them and not go out with them, or text them back saying if you want me to say yes to another date with you, then I want a phone call. How do I word that without sounding bad? Anyone else think it's tacky to ask a girl out on a date through a text? Then when they text, ask them nicely to call you to discuss it. You treat people the way you'd like to be treated. I would not want to be ignored and I am sure you'd appreciate someone to give you a little slack and not ignore you. 2
anonymousbear00101100 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Call me old fashioned, but when I meet a guy, I want phone calls, at least in the beginning. You can't get to know someone with texting. I text my brother and girlfriends, but I don't want to text guys that are trying to date me. I've told them before I don't wanna text but some of these guys will still text. So do I just ignore them and not go out with them, or text them back saying if you want me to say yes to another date with you, then I want a phone call. How do I word that without sounding bad? Anyone else think it's tacky to ask a girl out on a date through a text? I don't really like texting either because I always end up worrying about getting a reply. And often times they're just busy or asleep and I put myself through a bunch of mind games for nothing. Unfortunately, I find it pretty difficult to communicate with anyone without texting. I usually use it to try to meet up with them and hang out, rather than exclusively talking over text. If they're texting you and you're interested, I would just ask to meetup and hangout.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 I don't really like texting either because I always end up worrying about getting a reply. And often times they're just busy or asleep and I put myself through a bunch of mind games for nothing. Unfortunately, I find it pretty difficult to communicate with anyone without texting. I usually use it to try to meet up with them and hang out, rather than exclusively talking over text. If they're texting you and you're interested, I would just ask to meetup and hangout. It just seems there's so many guys who just want to exclusively talk over text, like "how's your day?" seriously, that's what a phone call is for. Men that call me definitely stand out over the ones that text.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 It just seems there's so many guys who just want to exclusively talk over text, like "how's your day?" seriously, that's what a phone call is for. Men that call me definitely stand out over the ones that text. As 19-year-old I definitely have a different perspective. Its just easier because you can reply any time you want, whereas calling always leaves the chance that you call someone when they're busy or just don't want to talk. I suppose one could always say "Hey when you're ready, call me, let's talk" but that if that's not for 2 hours, the other person might be busy then. Also with texting, you can keep somewhat in contact all day, which is good or bad, depending on your preferences. 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 As 19-year-old I definitely have a different perspective. Its just easier because you can reply any time you want, whereas calling always leaves the chance that you call someone when they're busy or just don't want to talk. I suppose one could always say "Hey when you're ready, call me, let's talk" but that if that's not for 2 hours, the other person might be busy then. Also with texting, you can keep somewhat in contact all day, which is good or bad, depending on your preferences. I understand that, and it's not that I mind texting, as long as there's also phone calls. When a man only texts but doesn't call, it makes a woman think he's just too lazy to pick up the phone. And it's definitely annoying when I tell a man from the get go that I like phone calls and then he chooses to text only. What because we went on 1 date you think that you can just text me now? Nope, not if you want me to go on another date with you! And btw, I'm 40, it's one thing for a 19 year and another thing for 40-50 year olds IMO.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Call me old fashioned, but when I meet a guy, I want phone calls, at least in the beginning. Why? Because that's what you want? You are willing to not engage someone because they don't conform to your communications medium expectations? You can't get to know someone with texting. Sure you can, this is pretty closed minded I text my brother and girlfriends, but I don't want to text guys that are trying to date me. I've told them before I don't wanna text but some of these guys will still text. So do I just ignore them and not go out with them, or text them back saying if you want me to say yes to another date with you, then I want a phone call. How do I word that without sounding bad? Anyone else think it's tacky to ask a girl out on a date through a text? I don't know what to tell you, some people just don't like to talk on the phone. Some people, myself included, are introverts, shy and are much better communicators in writing than in person. Especially when getting to know someone. Thats why OLD tends to be better for introverts. So just FYI, not everyone is probably as much as an outgoing extrovert as you. So what would you prefer? Getting to know someone via text, or chat or email, then when you actually meet in person actually having something to talk about or awkward silence??? Your attitude would be very offputting to me 3
anonymousbear00101100 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Some people, myself included, are introverts, shy and are much better communicators in writing than in person. Texting does have the advantage of carefully selecting your words and thinking out your thoughts before you say them.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 Why? Because that's what you want? You are willing to not engage someone because they don't conform to your communications medium expectations? Sure you can, this is pretty closed minded I don't know what to tell you, some people just don't like to talk on the phone. Some people, myself included, are introverts, shy and are much better communicators in writing than in person. Especially when getting to know someone. Thats why OLD tends to be better for introverts. So just FYI, not everyone is probably as much as an outgoing extrovert as you. So what would you prefer? Getting to know someone via text, or chat or email, then when you actually meet in person actually having something to talk about or awkward silence??? Your attitude would be very offputting to me No you can't get to know someone through texting! And if someone is that much of an introvert, then how are they going to feel comfortable talking on a date? Plus with texting, there's so much room for misinterpretations. And I hate to break it to you, but that's a huge complaint among many women today! Many women are turned off by men who only text! I'm not saying myself or other women want these long drawn out conversations on the phone, 5-10 min is sufficient, but texting a woman to ask her out on a date or asking how her day is when you barely know someone is a turn off. So if you've ever texted women for a date and not gotten responses, then that's probably why you didn't hear back from them. Women like men to show some effort when it comes to dating, and texting is minimal effort, heck, people can have cut & paste texts that they send out to tons of people! 3
joseb Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 The best way to get to know someone is in person. I dislike spending time on the phone in any manner except to set up meeting someone. With texting at least it's not disruptive. I grew up in an era where people spoke on the phone for hours, and I always hated it. If you want to spend time talking to someone then go on a date. 4
doyathinkso Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Texting is not communicating. Texting is for ordering pizzas or crap like that. Even phone calls leave much to be desired. Real communication is face to face, looking each other in the eyes, picking up on all the nonverbal cues. The real rich part of communication is nonverbal.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Why? Because that's what you want? You are willing to not engage someone because they don't conform to your communications medium expectations? Sure you can, this is pretty closed minded I don't know what to tell you, some people just don't like to talk on the phone. Some people, myself included, are introverts, shy and are much better communicators in writing than in person. Especially when getting to know someone. Thats why OLD tends to be better for introverts. So just FYI, not everyone is probably as much as an outgoing extrovert as you. So what would you prefer? Getting to know someone via text, or chat or email, then when you actually meet in person actually having something to talk about or awkward silence??? Your attitude would be very offputting to me LMAO. She's 'closed-minded' and an 'extrovert' because she prefers to actually interact on a HUMAN level by TALKING instead of impersonal, cowardly, childish texting back and forth? What do you think people have DONE to communicate since the beginning of time? It sure wasn't texting or SnapChat or any of that nonsense. They actually had to TALK to each other, like human beings. I'd love to see what today's social misfits would do if you picked them up and threw them back into the early 2000's - only 10 or 15 years ago, BEFORE texting became the way to 'communicate.' I suspect it would be much like watching a bunch of cave dwellers being thrown into Times Square in NYC and watching them blindly bang into buildings and scurry around in a panic not knowing what to do. OP, you're NOT closed-minded because you prefer to interact on a more personal level with people. Ten years ago, this wouldn't have even been an issue - that's the way it WOULD have been done. Don't waste your time with social misfits who aren't capable of making a damned phone call and - gasp!! - actually talking to you. 4
smudge21 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I find I respond in kind. If someone is a high level texter, I follow their lead but do prefer the odd phone call too. If someone's texting more than you like, then tell them or lead it another way. Keep the texts to a minimum with little info, always ending them with "I'll tell you over the phone or later" sort of thing. Oddly I did have one potential who would initiate any and all contact via text only, but then complained that I texted too much. Sometimes you simply can't win! 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Funny, there was a similar the other day on this site...bout about giving out the phone # in the first place. So this is in the same wheelhouse. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593946-guys-old-giving-their-number-first-2.html Except, there had been quite a few women saying they never give out their #. I'm of the mind of ALWAYS talking on the phone # before meeting. But they were so paranoid about giving out their #... that they would rather just email through the POF site/app and make arrangements with an address to meet at via the messaging system. You have these crowds: "Never talk on the phone before meeting for a date" crowd "Must talk on the phone prior to meeting" crowd Both crowds seem to dismiss each other if their communications methods aren't in alignment.
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 LMAO. She's 'closed-minded' and an 'extrovert' because she prefers to actually interact on a HUMAN level by TALKING instead of impersonal, cowardly, childish texting back and forth? What do you think people have DONE to communicate since the beginning of time? It sure wasn't texting or SnapChat or any of that nonsense. They actually had to TALK to each other, like human beings. I'd love to see what today's social misfits would do if you picked them up and threw them back into the early 2000's - only 10 or 15 years ago, BEFORE texting became the way to 'communicate.' I suspect it would be much like watching a bunch of cave dwellers being thrown into Times Square in NYC and watching them blindly bang into buildings and scurry around in a panic not knowing what to do. OP, you're NOT closed-minded because you prefer to interact on a more personal level with people. Ten years ago, this wouldn't have even been an issue - that's the way it WOULD have been done. Don't waste your time with social misfits who aren't capable of making a damned phone call and - gasp!! - actually talking to you. Sadly, people are so PLUGGED IN they insist on texting as the only means to communicate. The texters: "I hate to talk on the phone!"
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'm a 40-something and text often. But I also talk over the phone as needed. If communication is of a professional or more business-like in nature, I never text unless texted first. More social, friendly or family...more texting. The reality is texting IS a legitimate, common and convenient WAY TO COMMUNICATE. Like it or not... Often times it is less efficient and convenient to speak to someone about something trivial or when speaking out loud over the phone when it is not readily feasible at the time. So let's dispense w/ this old-school nonense that texting is not communication or you cannot get to know someone by using it. It is and you can...to a point. Texting is prone to "mis-communication." You cannot always convey subtlties or clear expression, mannerisms. And the way some people communicate by using texting language, short-cuts and, frankly, just laziness....it can become eve more baffling. OP, you need to make a decision. Stop dating guys who text you or accept that it is a form of communication, for better or for worse. You can also make it clear what forms of communication you will tolerate and how often. On a darker note, texting is a good way for subterfuge. You can quietly communicate with the other guy or girl, delete the conversation or lock your phone and the rest is....whatever. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'm a 40-something and text often. But I also talk over the phone as needed. If communication is of a professional or more business-like in nature, I never text unless texted first. More social, friendly or family...more texting. The reality is texting IS a legitimate, common and convenient WAY TO COMMUNICATE. Like it or not... Often times it is less efficient and convenient to speak to someone about something trivial or when speaking out loud over the phone when it is not readily feasible at the time. So let's dispense w/ this old-school nonense that texting is not communication or you cannot get to know someone by using it. It is and you can...to a point. Texting is prone to "mis-communication." You cannot always convey subtlties or clear expression, mannerisms. And the way some people communicate by using texting language, short-cuts and, frankly, just laziness....it can become eve more baffling. OP, you need to make a decision. Stop dating guys who text you or accept that it is a form of communication, for better or for worse. You can also make it clear what forms of communication you will tolerate and how often. On a darker note, texting is a good way for subterfuge. You can quietly communicate with the other guy or girl, delete the conversation or lock your phone and the rest is....whatever. Often times it is less efficient and convenient to speak to someone about something trivial or when speaking out loud over the phone when it is not readily feasible at the time. So let's dispense w/ this old-school nonense that texting is not communication or you cannot get to know someone by using it. It is and you can...to a point. Actually, I would try to text someone a lengthy conversation, then I stop mid-texting and say, "Hold on, I'll call" because I get tired of doing all that typing. Just how I roll. On a darker note, texting is a good way for subterfuge. You can quietly communicate with the other guy or girl, delete the conversation or lock your phone and the rest is....whatever. Subuterfuge? Could you please clarify how using deceit by texting in anyway beneficial? What do you mean by lock your phone?
Larryville Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 When you have a good, healthy, mature relationship there is communication “balance” My current GF we text to touch base We call to catch up in more detail If apart for more than a few days and want to see each other we Google Duo video chat When in person we communicate well, we engage each other. Again Balance 2
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 LMAO. She's 'closed-minded' and an 'extrovert' because she prefers to actually interact on a HUMAN level by TALKING instead of impersonal, cowardly, childish texting back and forth? What do you think people have DONE to communicate since the beginning of time? It sure wasn't texting or SnapChat or any of that nonsense. They actually had to TALK to each other, like human beings. I'd love to see what today's social misfits would do if you picked them up and threw them back into the early 2000's - only 10 or 15 years ago, BEFORE texting became the way to 'communicate.' I suspect it would be much like watching a bunch of cave dwellers being thrown into Times Square in NYC and watching them blindly bang into buildings and scurry around in a panic not knowing what to do. OP, you're NOT closed-minded because you prefer to interact on a more personal level with people. Ten years ago, this wouldn't have even been an issue - that's the way it WOULD have been done. Don't waste your time with social misfits who aren't capable of making a damned phone call and - gasp!! - actually talking to you. Thank you!!! Exactly how I feel! As I've said, there's nothing wrong with texting as long as there's real conversation too, but many of these guys today rely only on texting and that gets old quick! We wonder today why there's so many relationship problems, and wonder why people don't communicate, well, this whole texting nonsense is one of them! 1
katiegrl Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 LMAO. She's 'closed-minded' and an 'extrovert' because she prefers to actually interact on a HUMAN level by TALKING instead of impersonal, cowardly, childish texting back and forth? What do you think people have DONE to communicate since the beginning of time? It sure wasn't texting or SnapChat or any of that nonsense. They actually had to TALK to each other, like human beings. I'd love to see what today's social misfits would do if you picked them up and threw them back into the early 2000's - only 10 or 15 years ago, BEFORE texting became the way to 'communicate.' I suspect it would be much like watching a bunch of cave dwellers being thrown into Times Square in NYC and watching them blindly bang into buildings and scurry around in a panic not knowing what to do. OP, you're NOT closed-minded because you prefer to interact on a more personal level with people. Ten years ago, this wouldn't have even been an issue - that's the way it WOULD have been done. Don't waste your time with social misfits who aren't capable of making a damned phone call and - gasp!! - actually talking to you. People wrote letters back and forth before text and email....it was considered quite acceptable and in some cases the preferred method of communication. Some people simply express themselves better in writing than verbally, I for one enjoy emailing and have had some very interesting and substantive conversations that way. They also serve as memories to read back later whether to confirm something communicated or for nostalgic reasons. I think we all need to stop judging each other because preferences differ.... There is no right or wrong here, and no one is a *social misfit* because they prefer email or text to talking on phone. A little understanding of differencees would be helpful. leogirl, if you prefer guys to call, just tell them that. Again, no right or wrong, just different styles and preferences. For me, I prefer email or text and I am far from a social misfit...... 4
SwordofFlame Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 When I read this thread initially I thought OP was in her 20s and it was basically a generational thing. A lot of millennials (myself included) don't like talking over the phone. We prefer to text. 1
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'm 40, it's one thing for a 19 year and another thing for 40-50 year olds IMO. I understand the new generation is all about texting, I don't think though it's normal for a man in his 40s to rely on text only as he's known most of his life to get by with calling. I would view it as a red flag. I suspect his problem is he has too many prospects so he prefers keeping them on text. This way he won't accidentally call them the wrong name and he won't spend all of this time on phone conversing with prospect # 1, 2 and 3. Calling someone demands investment. He needs to invest his time and his attention in you. We know a man shows his level of interest by actions. A man in his 40s unwilling to put time aside to concentrate on you with a phone call is not worth your time. A man that is interested will want to hear your voice ! Liking or not phone conversations is not even a question once in our 40s. The man calls his mother, he calls clients or suppliers all day, he calls his doctor office, he calls his mechanic, but he can't call a woman he is interested in? meh....just a big meh!! 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 I understand the new generation is all about texting, I don't think though it's normal for a man in his 40s to rely on text only as he's known most of his life to get by with calling. I would view it as a red flag. I suspect his problem is he has too many prospects so he prefers keeping them on text. This way he won't accidentally call them the wrong name and he won't spend all of this time on phone conversing with prospect # 1, 2 and 3. Calling someone demands investment. He needs to invest his time and his attention in you. We know a man shows his level of interest by actions. A man in his 40s unwilling to put time aside to concentrate on you with a phone call is not worth your time. A man that is interested will want to hear your voice ! Liking or not phone conversations is not even a question once in our 40s. The man calls his mother, he calls clients or suppliers all day, he calls his doctor office, he calls his mechanic, but he can't call a woman he is interested in? meh....just a big meh!! Yep!!! The one's that call are the one's that get dates, the one's that text, don't, they get ignored!!!
Author leogirl876 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 When I read this thread initially I thought OP was in her 20s and it was basically a generational thing. A lot of millennials (myself included) don't like talking over the phone. We prefer to text. I'm 40 and the men I'm talking about are between 40-50. We're not in high school, but they act like it. I do tell them I prefer phone calls. They call once, then after the first date they try to go to texting. Doesn't work for me.
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I'm 40 and the men I'm talking about are between 40-50. We're not in high school, but they act like it. I do tell them I prefer phone calls. They call once, then after the first date they try to go to texting. Doesn't work for me. After the 1st date when they text, did you try to direct them to calling? Did you reply to their text with: call me please ?
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