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Roommate (23/m) is infatuated with someone (19/f) that he has known for a week

Liola223

By Liola223
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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

Posted
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Ok, so, I live with my ex boyfriend/best friend and ever since we broke up he has been trying to have sex with another girl. Beforehand, all he got was some drunken oral sex, kisses and biting, and it was really depressing him, as he felt no woman found him attractive.

Last Wednesday, he started talking to a girl whom he met on a dating site. She is his type; metalhead, tattoos, thin and nice breasts, and she spontaneously messages him on Friday and asks if he is free for a drink.

Of course, he goes - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Now he comes back, early Saturday morning and said that yes, they had sex. Here is where it gets weird..

He said that she said she initially wanted him just for sex, but afterwards she 'Started feeling attached, and getting feelings' for him. Saturday is filled with them sexting, trading nudes and general after sex stuff. Also included are some romantic gestures and words, and they plan for her to come to our apartment next weekend.

On Sunday, he then says they have 'all but declared relationship status' but have to hold back as they don't want to move too fast.

The week starts with her taking over his entire life. Her photo is his background for his phone, and computer, they talk every available minute via Whatsapp, he has purchased new bedcovers for when she comes over, has told his family and friends about her (who are all supportive and find it cute), he has even made a brand new Skype (as his old one was virus infested) and has made her favourite picture of him, from three years ago and which he no longer looks like, as his profile picture as well as a romantic message. They are meeting on Thursday since he has an appointment in the town she lives, as well as her visiting on the weekend.

The entire time this has been happening, I have had an intense gut instinct that this relationship, if it ever happens, will be a disaster for them both and he will be destroyed emotionally and will become impossible to be around.I cannot speak about this to him, as he is very stubborn, refuses to listen, and will most likely ignore me for a few days, as I have had this feeling before about these girls. He never listens, and I my instinct is correct regardless.

My question is - What do I do? Do I talk to this girl face-to-face on the weekend like the adults we are and see what she wants from my friend, or shall I just leave them to it. Am I right to trust my intuition, or am I just being overemotional and weird?

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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How is it any of your business?

And Stay out of it because it's his love his life and his choice. Maybe they will end up happily together . Or if it's going to be a disaster and If he needs a heart break to learn a lesson, let him. He is not going to listen to you so why bother getting your hands dirty.

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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

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I will admit that I am quite interfering with that sort of stuff.

 

One reason I am this way is because, when he dumped me in January, I was three months pregnant with his child. She lives with adoptive parents, and he refuses to have anything to do with her, stating that he 'wants to forget about it and move on'.

 

I feel wounded by his rejection of our child, and also because he said if I wanted to keep her, I would have to move out.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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Jesus Christ why haven't you moved out yet

Don't tell me you still want to get back with him

And by the way intefering this is not going to get him back

What you should do is move out and move on with your life!

But I guess you probably won't do that. 90% people who come here and complain don't actually do anything to Help themselves

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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

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I don't want to get back together with him, I know that it's too late for that.

 

I haven't moved out simply because I have nowhere to go - I moved to Germany from the UK to be here, I have no job and limited income.

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Bialy Established Member

Bialy

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You need to move out. Seriously. This is just too weird. Find a roommate. Anything is better than your current hell.

 

None of this is your business.

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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

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I've asked my friends about the situation too. However they all say that I should talk to her, or that my instinct is right. It's all very confusing.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I've asked my friends about the situation too. However they all say that I should talk to her, or that my instinct is right. It's all very confusing.

 

Your friends are wrong - it's none of your business. And besides, if you talk to her, she'll tell him and he'll hate you for undermining his "relationship" with her.

 

Can you go back home?

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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This is what happens when you let exes stay extremely involved with you, much less living with you. Jeez.

 

They always try to run off other women, and often do it by making it look like they're still a couple (in this case living with him) because that runs most of them off. I've seen this before in my old crowd. Usually it is both people's fault. The ones I know, the guy was shameless in leaning on the ex like a mother and taking advantage that way, and the woman put up with him dating whoever he wanted to right under her nose.

 

It's a toxic situation. You can actually salvage a better friendship with him if you move out and away and stay out of his business and him yours and move on yourself. Good luck.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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I've asked my friends about the situation too. However they all say that I should talk to her, or that my instinct is right. It's all very confusing.

 

Doubt your friends really said that

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clia Established Member

clia

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I will admit that I am quite interfering with that sort of stuff.

 

One reason I am this way is because, when he dumped me in January, I was three months pregnant with his child. She lives with adoptive parents, and he refuses to have anything to do with her, stating that he 'wants to forget about it and move on'.

 

I feel wounded by his rejection of our child, and also because he said if I wanted to keep her, I would have to move out.

 

So, you had his baby two months ago and gave her up for adoption? Jesus, move back to the UK. You should not be living with him and his dating life is none of your business. Move back home. Surely there is some family member or friend in your life who can help you buy a train or plane ticket home.

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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

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I find it interesting that most, if not all, replies on here are from fellow women.

 

All of my friends are men, so me asking them what to do, and their response being that I should take action is quite surprising, as I expected that from here also.

 

I did mention the child in passing yesterday, and he replied with 'Well she (the girl) is never going to find out about that. Truthfully, only one girl he has been interested in has known I was pregnant, and that is only because he lied to her about our former relationship status.

 

I understand that my feelings stem from his rejection of our daughter, and his flippant irresponsibility. In May, when I was seven months pregnant, his parents came to visit, and he lied and said I was ill, so they could not see the quite obvious bump.

 

Perhaps my desire to take action comes from his lack of interest in the child, as well as his refusal to acknowledge it happened, or even tell the women he wants to sleep with or his own parents.

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aileD Established Member

aileD

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WHO CARES WHY?

 

He moved you to Germany, got you pregnant, coerced you into adoption and dumped you.

 

Go back to the UK and start over.

 

He's an ass/hole

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ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

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Wasn't the whole point of putting the child up for adoption because neither of you wanted anything to do with her? If you did, you'd have kept her. Here's what I'm guessing is what happened: You wanted him more than you wanted your child and you fooled yourself into thinking he would take you back if you put her up for adoption. Then when he didn't, you fooled yourself into thinking you could be best friends with him.

 

You can't. It's (rightfully) killing you that he's dating other people so you're using worrying about him as an excuse to try to ruin any relationships he has. This is why you cannot be his friend.

 

Mind your own business, move out as soon as possible, and get this guy out of your life for good. This is extremely unhealthy.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Let him go. Mind your own business.

 

You need to move out - the fact that you stay is really unhealthy for you.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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It really is none of your business. Say nothing and stay out of it.

 

You very much need to find alternate accommodations. You can't be best friends with an ex like this. You wanting to "intervene" is ridiculous considering this guy doesn't love or respect you at all.

 

Why are you still in Germany? You admit you don't have a job, and this guy doesn't care about you, so what's keeping you there?

Edited by ExpatInItaly
GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Living with your ex is a great idea for the following reasons.

 

 

1)

 

 

 

 

.... That is all.

 

 

Doesn't sound like you are over him at all. If you were his friend and not his ex you'd be happy he was having hot sex with a girl who was just his type. It's so weird that you know so many details about his sex life at all.

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PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

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I imagine your guy friends are worried about how you feel, not the well-being of your ex. They are agreeing because that's what you want to hear.

 

I applaud the adoption in fact. I don't think you're in a good situation to raise a child.

 

IMO, wanting to intervene is a very female thing to do. Wanting to warn her about how irresponsible and bad of a boyfriend he is. Men tend to not get involved with that kind of stuff. I find it unlikely that other men would suggest getting in that business either. I understand you're hurt, and want to blame him for the pregnancy stuff, but take ownership of your 50% for getting pregnant in the first place.

 

 

You have much bigger problems to deal with. Instead, let's focus on the mess you've gotten yourself into. What are your plans to get your life back on track? Are you going to find a job? If not, what are you going to do to make yourself more employable (education? move back home?)?

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Liola223 New Member

Liola223

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They are now in a relationship, and hours after the fact, whilst he was still in her presence, she was trying to kill herself.

 

Still think I should do nothing?

Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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They are now in a relationship, and hours after the fact, whilst he was still in her presence, she was trying to kill herself.

 

Still think I should do nothing?

 

Only one...move out.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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They are now in a relationship, and hours after the fact, whilst he was still in her presence, she was trying to kill herself.

 

Still think I should do nothing?

 

Yep.

 

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

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ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
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They are now in a relationship, and hours after the fact, whilst he was still in her presence, she was trying to kill herself.

 

Still think I should do nothing?

 

Yup! It's still none of your business.

 

When are you moving out by the way?

Bialy Established Member

Bialy

Posted
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They are now in a relationship, and hours after the fact, whilst he was still in her presence, she was trying to kill herself.

 

Still think I should do nothing?

 

Yes, move out. You should have been moved out a long time ago, honestly. Long overdue!

 

I'm not trying to be insensitive, but do realize that you are exhibiting behavior of "That Crazy, Pathetic Ex Who Never Moved Out and Fed the Drama." Don't be that person! :(

 

The fact that you've stayed this long is shocking.

 

I hope this will give you the push you need out of this weird situation.

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