He suddenly lost feelings and he doesn't know why?

[Sarahjb]

I'm going to make this has short as possible I'm a 21 year old girl who started seeing a 25 year old guy. We moved very fast but that was because he pushed for things to move fast. We started talking online and would talk 24/7 the conversation was always flowing he was funny and charming. We talked for a month before we met up and on our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend. It did seem very fast but there was so much chemistry that it felt right.

 

Things continued to move fast after that first date he asked to meet my family. He said "I want them to know I'm going to take care of you". He came with flowers for my mom he was very charming and my family liked him. He showered me with effection, wanted to be with me all the time, told me he never felt this way for anybody before and I make him happier than anyone ever did. We booked vacations for months down the line. Just thought I'd mention he'd always mention my looks.. how I was the hottest girl he's ever been with, how lucky he was because I was so out of his league ect. Was it just lust? He completely put me on a pedalstal and worshiped the ground I walked on.

 

 

4 months down the line he ended things saying he didn't feel the same about me and dosnt understand why. I was shocked there was no fight, everything was going perfect. I tried to ask him why he insisted he didn't know and it was nothing I did and I'm perfect, beautiful,caring ect . I asked him how long he has been feeling this way he said only for 2 weeks. That made no sense to me how could you lose feelings so fast? I admit feelings can change in relationships but dosnt it happen gradually over the space of a few months? He went from saying he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life to "I don't feel the same anymore in the space of 2 weeks? Is he crazy? Does he have some kind of commitment is issues? I analysed the last 2 weeks and nothing different happend. This was a huge hit to myself esteem because I couldn't help but think it was somthing i did. Why did he build me up for so long only to pull the rug from beneath me?

 

 

I find this behaviour quite disturbing he went on to tell me that he was probably making a huge mistake because of how amazing I am ect but he has doubts and he dosnt understand why. Wow can you believe this guy?

[basil67]

Beware those who put you on a pedestal or worship the ground you walk on.

 

Thing is, people who do this are idolizing what they think we are, and not in touch with the reality of who we are...which is a human being as equally flawed as everyone else. The people who place us on a pedestal are then left terribly disappointed to find that their dream partner is actually quite normal and not the dream creature they think we were.

 

Stick with men who love you warts and all - not the guys who think you're a princess.

[Sarahjb]

I just find him very confusing. While breaking up with me he told me he is probably making a huge mistake because he knows he will never find someone as beautiful and caring as me. (His words not mine lol) he also said that his mom told him that he was making a huge mistake because I'm a sweetheart and he said he knows that she's right.

If all that is true then why? I'm just getting very frustrated because he won't give me a proper reason because he insists he doesn't know why. "I just start having doubts over these two weeks it's nothing you did". What does that mean? How am I supposed to make sense of that?

 

This break up happend a month ago and he still trys to contact me all the time acting sweet and caring. My mind is blown. I don't get him at all. I can't help but think he has some commitment issues? All I know about his past relationships is that his last girlfriend broke up with him also saying she lost feelings out of nowhere and he could never understood it either. ( The irony) but went on to say I was a huge upgrade from her. They were only together a couple months as far as I know and at 25 I think that was his most serious relationship along with mine and his even though they were short lived. When we changed our relationship status on Facebook another girl messaged him saying "I thought you weren't ready for a relationship?" He told me he was seeing her a month before me but it was only sex and she wanted more. That is all I know about his past relationships but he is not the type to sleep around. He told me he only slept with 4 girls before me. (If he's not lying ) but he's a home body and is not the type to go out parting or pulling lots of girls. I'm just trying to figure him out

Edited September 6, 2016 by Sarahjb

[lana-banana]

I just find him very confusing. While breaking up with me he told me he is probably making a huge mistake because he knows he will never find someone as beautiful and caring as me.

 

My worst ex said the exact same things, word for word. He was with another girl within all of a month. He doesn't mean anything he's saying---he's just spouting nonsense at you so you'll have pity him rather than be angry. He doesn't want to seem like a bad guy so he's falling all over himself trying to prove just how ~*~sad~*~ he is about it.

 

If all that is true then why? I'm just getting very frustrated because he won't give me a proper reason because he insists he doesn't know why. "I just start having doubts over these two weeks it's nothing you did". What does that mean?

 

It means there's someone else he likes more. What he told you wasn't true at all.

 

This break up happend a month ago and he still trys to contact me all the time acting sweet and caring. My mind is blown. I don't get him at all. I can't help but think he has some commitment issues? All I know about his past relationships is that his last girlfriend broke up with him also saying she lost feelings out of nowhere and he could never understood it either. ( The irony) but went on to say I was a huge upgrade from her. They were only together a couple months as far as I know and at 25 I think that was his most serious relationship along with mine and his even though they were short lived. When we changed our relationship status on Facebook another girl messaged him saying "I thought you weren't ready for a relationship?" He told me he was seeing her a month before me but it was only sex and she wanted more. That is all I know about his past relationships but he is not the type to sleep around. He told me he only slept with 4 girls before me. (If he's not lying ) but he's a home body and is not the type to go out parting or pulling lots of girls. I'm just trying to figure him out

 

People (with extremely rare exceptions) don't fear commitment, they fear settling. If someone is constantly backing out of relationships it's because they're hesitant to commit with the person they're dating. If he's doing this to you it's not because he has some deep ingrained terror of the future, it's because he's met someone who is piquing his interest.

 

I don't say this because I'm trying to hurt your feelings; I say this because I've been there. I know what it's like to have a guy tell you he just loves you SOSOSO much and he KNOWS he's making such a huge mistake and it's all so dramatic and stressful and hard. It's garbage. If a man actually wants to be with you he will be, period, full stop. If he's not with you right now it's because he doesn't want to be.

[Sarahjb]

I'm fully aware he's talking bull s**t and that if he rea

[Satu]

Read up on Limerence.

 

It will help you to understand his behaviour.

 

"With much dismay in his voice Ronald said, “Three years ago I was sure I was head over heels in love with my wife, Helen. About a year ago that all-encompassing feeling just seemed to evaporate. I don’t know what happened. Something must be wrong with me. We have tried to rekindle our love but nothing we do works. It is not anything Helen has done wrong. She’s the same. There’s not anyone else. This can’t be how love works, can it?”

 

- Dr. J. Richard Cookery

 

 

I can't post a direct link as its against this forum's rules, but you might want to do a search on the name of the author quoted above.

 

And go no contact with your ex, so that you can quickly get over this.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Satu

[Sarahjb]

I'm fully aware he's lying and that if he really felt that way he wouldn't be breaking up with me. I'm not stupid what I don't understand is how someone's feelings can change so FAST. Like 2 weeks? Come on! 3 weeks before that he admitted his feelings were still as strong as ever . I don't see how it's possible to lose feelings that fast and for no reason (apparently). He said that he's really frustrated with himself and he can't understand why either. He said he's "f**ked up"

At 4 months I get we were getting more comfortable and the honeymoon phase was fading but we still got on great in each others company and things seemed to be going well. Maybe he had unrealistic expectations of relationships and expects the honeymoon stage to last forever? Considering he's never had a long term relationship or much relationships at all for that matter. People have told me to be aware for those men who come on so strong so fast because they're more inlove with the feeling of being inlove and constantly chase that High from the excitement of a new relationship . I have to admit I'm angry that he just build me up so much to tear me down and just left me wondering what I've done. I really doubt there is anybody else in the picture at the moment .

Edited September 6, 2016 by Sarahjb

[Sarahjb]

Surely if you started to feel different you would wait it out for a while to make sure? Feel it our instead of jumping the gun and ending it. I thought it was supposed to be more of a gradual thing instead of "now I have feelings and now I don't " for what feels to of happend over night. Just seems a little immature on his part like he gave up very easily . I remember just 3 weeks ago him saying how perfect we were for eachother and how happy he was and he looked at me like he really ment it. He is so full of sh**t?